success

  • Short life stories – clear goals with a powerful why

    The best way to start planning your future is to make your own life vision list. Your life vision is the hope for what your life could be and what is your perception of living a full and rich life with zero regrets.

    A life vision is a very personal and unique thing, but it’s something you can share with other people you deeply care about, want to experience different things with, and who support you and empower you. You should especially share parts of your life vision with the key relationships in your life – spouse, family, friends, boss, coworkers, mentor.

    The life vision is your true north, a final destination to keep in mind, the sum of all different life experiences. Your vision should be huge and exciting and breathtaking. Your vision should be your biggest inspiration in life. It’s what makes you ready for a new adventure every morning. Your life vision must be greater that any problem you encounter on the path towards your goals.

    To define your life vision, you should answer three simple questions:

    • Who do you want to become (your personal evolution)? … and make your ideal-self persona.
    • What do you want to experience in life (and how to enjoy it)? … and make a list.
    • What kind of a legacy do you want to leave behind (what will you create)? … and write down a strong emotional statement.

    When you answer these three questions, you should have a list of 50 – 150 items. Then what? Well, first you have to understand that your life vision constantly changes. Every quarter, you should update the list by adding new items, removing some of them, reshuffling your priorities and hopefully crossing one or two items off the list.

    Secondly, you can’t achieve everything at the same time. Life vision is a rough plan for decades (or for as long as you’re going to live on this planet), not for a few months. Thus the next important step when you write down your life vision is to prioritize which goals to go after.

    Prioritizing your vision list

    You have to be smart about prioritizing your vision list. You can’t just listen to your gut feeling or choose randomly; you have to take several factors into consideration. You prioritize items on your vision list based on the following factors:

    1. Your current life situations – for example, if you are super ill, health should become an important priority, if not number one. In the same way, if you’re expecting a baby it doesn’t make sense to quit your job.
    2. What’s currently the most important thing to you – for example, if you feel that improving your financial situation is the most important thing for you right now, you’ll be thinking about it all the time, so why not go after it anyway.
    3. What kind of opportunities are showing up in your environment – as an example, if you just got a dream job offer then that’s absolutely something you should consider. Achieving goals is not only about you but also about the support you get from your environment.
    4. What kind of key relationships you currently have – in which areas are people currently supporting you the most, what can you learn the most from the people you spend the most time with, what kind of connections you have that can help you with your goals etc.
    5. Your internal resources and external resources – they define how much you can expose yourself to new investments. The more resources you have, the bigger risks you can afford.
    6. Your greatest weaknesses – You always have some weaknesses that are preventing you from progressing in life. For example, if starting your own business would take you a big step further, but you’re really afraid to fail, you will always be stuck at your job if you don’t address your fears. These kinds of weaknesses should always be a priority to be dealt with. Your fears show you where you have to grow in life.
    7. Your yearly focus – Every year, you should focus on one or maximum two areas of life you want to really improve. Greater focus means greater progress. Thus you should always choose one life area as your focus every year, influencing how you re-prioritize your vision list. You want to make ten steps into one direction not one step into ten directions.

    When you’re prioritizing your life vision, you should have 3 – 7 items that you plan to realize in the next 3 – 12 months. The next step is to develop your vision list items into “user stories” or “short life stories”.

    The goal of this exercise is to describe more fully what exactly you want to achieve, discuss it with all the important parties involved and even more, to clarify why exactly you want to achieve it. You want to add all the benefits you will enjoy when you achieve the goal.

    I got the idea for short life stories from agile development.

    user stories agile development

    User stories in agile development

    User stories have a very important role in agile development. In the old days of software development, you wrote down software requirements or features. With that, the focus was on what software should be capable of doing, without a thought of why it will be used or what the experience would be.

    You just crossed a requirement off the list when it was coded and that was it. In the end, often when a feature was developed nobody used it or it represented a bad user experience. What a waste. It can be the same with your vision list items. You write them down, and then nothing happens. You forget about everything.

    With user stories in agile development, you make a shift from a software feature description to a story of how a user will use the feature. By describing a user story, the focus becomes to build a user-friendly software that people will actually use.

    The main idea of user stories is to encourage a discussion about how a user will interact with a certain functionality. Imagining an experience, talking about it, prototyping different options and testing is what to leads to real value.

    A simple user story describes very well how a user employs part of the product. It’s a description of a small chunk of value that’s delivered to a user with a certain feature. It’s a simplified use case from a customer’s perspective. Another important fact is also that each user story can be completed in one sprint.

    A user story in agile development is written by using a simple template: As a <role>, I want to <goal> so that <benefit>. In other words, a user story is written in one or several sentences, and provides the answers to the most important questions: “who”, “what” and “why”.

    To write a user story the right way, you need three elements:

    • A persona – who is the user, who is the person interacting, who is the one experiencing it
    • What – what is the goal, the final outcome a user wants to achieve
    • Why – motivation for why a user wants to do it, what are the benefits and motivations

    All you have to do is answer these simple questions and put yourself in the user’s shoes. Then you can start coding something that really brings value to the users.

    By using the role-goal-benefit template, you can make very short and sweet (or even more detailed) descriptions of what a user wants and why. It especially gives very good clarity to why a feature is important and how it provides value.

    With user stories, you can brainstorm better how a feature should function for the best user experience and you can get many additional ideas for how to achieve a desired feature purpose. Interaction with other people in the planning process when writing a user story also has great value.

    There is one more important thing regarding user stories in agile development. If a story gets too detailed, you can break it down to several user stories. You don’t want user stories to become too large.

    In such cases, they’re called epics. Epic stories can cause procrastination and many different other kinds of working blocks, so slice and dice are always the first steps to do with big tasks.

    User stories in agile development are part of the product backlog and can be a complete replacement for traditional software requirements lists. They’re usually written on post-it notes or small cards stuck to the Kanban board. As I mentioned, a team should be able to code a user story in one sprint.

    Examples of user stories are:

    • As a logged-in visitor to an online store, I can add an item to the cart to make a purchase.
    • As a CEO of a company, I can create a clear monthly financial report to prepare myself for a board meeting.
    • As a blog reader, I can easily print a blog post to read it later on a printed piece of paper.
    • As a student, I can see my grades online, so I don’t have to walk to my faculty and wait a long time to know if I passed the exam.
    • As an online bookstore visitor, I can search for a book by title (exact or keywords), so I can see if the item is available for purchase and what is the price.

    Share your short life stories

    Short life stories – adding exactly what, why and all the benefits to your vision list

    After you have a very well prioritized vision list with 3 – 7 items that you want to achieve in the following 3 – 12 months, it’s time for a more detailed definition of what exactly you want to really achieve. Applying user stories to the task is the perfect way to do it.

    By writing “short life stories” based on your vision item list, you strive to achieve the following:

    • With an internal dialog, you clarify in detail what exactly is the outcome you want
    • With an external dialog with all the parties involved, you can synchronize desires, plans and goals
    • You add all the strong whys to the goal, making it your life mission and adding emotional power
    • You list all the gains you will enjoy by meeting a goal and all the pains you will avoid
    • You break down bigger goals into smaller stories if necessary
    • You immediately think of implementation and can make a plan based on it
    • It’s something you can easily visualize in your head and put on your personal Kanban board
    • It’s a great input for making a Goal Journey Map

    First you should decide how big and demanding your goal on the vision list is:

    • Epic goals on your vision list – Break them down into smaller achievable chunks that can be described in a simple life story. For example, if your goal is to be fit, write one story for your diet, one for your exercise regime, and so on.
    • Goals that fit user stories – If an item is not too big and you can describe it in one user story, there is no need to break it down.

    In the next step, you need three pieces of information for every vision list story:

    • Who – obviously you, but is there anybody else with whom you want to experience part of your life vision. Going on a trip with your spouse, for example.
    • What exactly – a very well defined outcome you want to achieve. You have to imagine the final scenario very well.
    • Why –you need a strong why for every one of your goals. In addition to that, you can list all the pains and gains that will add additional motivation and emotional charge to the goal.

    The last step consists of writing a short life story based on all the gathered data. It can be one sentence or a few sentences. I suggest you also corroborate the story with visual elements.

    Write a life story on a card, a piece of paper or a post-it note, and then put it on your personal Kanban board and make sure it’s always in a visible place. Then add pictures, sketches or other visual elements.

    The main purpose of writing short life stories is to define very well the outcome you want, and add a very strong why with all the benefits. All that should motivate you to really achieve your goals and never give up.

    Practical examples

    Here is an example of how to do it

    It’s time to look at a practical example. Let’s say that your yearly focus is career and money, since you feel like you’re lagging behind in these two areas. You have a few good opportunities available at the moment and you acquired just enough internal and external resources to go into action.

    You have your life vision list and on top of it are the following five items:

    • Becoming a manager of a team in a pharmaceutical company
    • Starting an online business for additional income
    • Learning Japanese in your free time to expand the online business to the Japanese market
    • Finishing a bachelor’s degree
    • Traveling to Australia for the summer holidays

    Now you develop the vision list items into user stories:

    As a person with leading capabilities, I lead a team in a blue-chip pharmaceutical company, helping the company grow and achieve important R&D goals. Such a role gives me the satisfaction of using all my talents, empowering other people and growing together with my company. It also enables me to earn the money I expect and deserve.

    As an entrepreneurial person, I launched my online store for food supplements in my domestic country to make additional income so I can afford a better flat for my family and can take them to a fancy dinner every month. I will also be less anxious with earning more money.

    As a traveler, I visited the main cities of Australia with my girlfriend for 3 weeks during the summer holidays to see all their natural and cultural sights with the goal of broadening my horizons and experiencing a new culture.

    As a curious person, I know how to speak Japanese fluently to understand their culture really well and make new friends from there. I also expanded my online business there. I will feel much better about myself if I speak one more foreign language and I’ll be a step closer to my ideal self.

    As a creative worker, I graduated to have more employment options and now won’t spend my whole life feeling like I didn’t give closure to my studying years.

    You can write a few more sentences to every vision item list if you want. You can make it more or less emotional or add other specifics. I absolutely encourage you to also add visual materials like photos, sketches, etc., anything that will further motivate you. Describe exactly what, why and who.

    Develop short life stories

    Do you want to know more about goal setting?

    This article is part of the series of how to successfully set goals in the 21st century. It’s part of the AgileLeanLife Goal Setting Framework, which has the following seven steps:

    1. Define your vision list
    2. Prioritize your vision list
    3. Develop life stories for 5 – 7 items at the top of your list – specify what exactly and why
    4. Create a goal journey map to build a superior strategy and define the process
    5. Use branching and forking to stay flexible with alternative paths
    6. Organize the superior strategy on your to-do lists with a 100-day plan and sprints
    7. Mind the principles in the AgileLeanLife Manifesto

    You’re at the bolded article and kindly invited to read the rest of them when they will be published.

  • Vision list prioritization or which goals to pursue first

    I’m have no doubt you’re a very curious person and that you want to try and experience many things in life. There is nothing more fulfilling than following a diverse and rich life experience.

    One great exercise to do is to make yourself a vision list (or a bucket list) with all the things you want to achieve in life. It can be a simple document, a notebook with pictures or even a Pinterest board.

    With all the items on the vision list, there is a big question of how to prioritize things you want to achieve and experience. How to decide what to follow first. Which goals should be your number one priority? Like with everything in life, I suggest that you are smart and strategic about it. You have to be one step ahead of life, instincts and randomness.

    It doesn’t make sense to only listen to your gut feeling or choose randomly. That’s like playing the lottery. It’s much smarter to take several factors into consideration, analyze them carefully and then decide. And you should do prioritization often, especially to stay flexible and adjust accordingly to changes in your environment.

    How often to re-prioritize your vision list? Every quarter is optimal, every year is not often enough, and anything in between will do.

    Which goals to pursue first

    Factors you should consider when deciding which goals to pursue first

    I suggest you prioritize items on your vision list and decide which goals to pursue first based on the following factors:

    1. Your current life situations
    2. What’s currently the most important thing to you
    3. What kind of opportunities are showing up in your environment
    4. What kind of key relationships you currently have
    5. Your internal resources and external resources
    6. Your greatest strengths and weaknesses
    7. Your yearly focus

    Let’s take a closer look at each of these elements that have a big influence on your life and should also be taken in consideration when prioritizing your life vision and deciding which goals you should go after first.

    Your current life situations

    There are ten areas in which you usually set goals – you, health, relationship, money, career, emotions, competences, fun, spirituality, and technology as a leverage. In some areas, you’re in a better position than in others.

    In some areas you shine, in others you are in deep trouble or you greatly suck. To get a clearer picture, you can rate every area from 1 to 10.

    The main problem becomes when one of the areas is dragging you down. Being broke, having severe health or emotional issues, and also poor relationships are usually problems that have such a negative influence on a person’s life that they negatively influence all other areas.

    If you have problems in any of the key areas of life, you want to tackle them first. They should be your priority.

    In the same way, different big life situations like expecting a baby, losing your job or getting injured severely influence your priorities. If you are a few days away from getting a baby, quitting your job is probably not the smartest thing to do.

    Thus the first thing that will help you choose priorities is to write down your current life situation and decide what kind of limitations it brings to your vision list items.

    What’s currently the most important thing to you

    Your current life situation is one huge factor in prioritization, the other is what’s currently important to you. At every point in life, you have a different set of values, desires, priorities and things you want to achieve.

    You always know and feel what’s important to you in a certain stage of life and what makes you happy. That should definitely be taken into consideration when prioritizing your vision list.

    When you are young, your priorities may be partying, then in the 30s acquiring your own home, after you retire wisdom, and so on. Ask yourself what is currently the most important to you.

    If you aren’t sure, ask yourself what you miss in your life the most or what you think about most of the time or what are the most common topics you discus with other people.

    If you talk only about babies, you probably want to have a baby. If it’s about business, you probably want to improve your career and financial status. Always listen to yourself, your needs and desires when you prioritize your vision list. But don’t decide solely on that, consider also all the other factors.

    What kind of opportunities are showing up in your environment

    There are things you have influence on in your life, and there are many things that are out of your control or where your control is very limited.

    These especially include market trends, changes inside the company you work for, breakups and new people you meet randomly, unexpected opportunities and business proposals offered to you, and so on.

    The important fact is that nobody can succeed alone and you need great support from your environment. That’s why you want to pay great attention to what’s happening in your environment. You want to put yourself in a position where your environment works in your favor and there are many opportunities you don’t want to miss that randomly pop up.

    You want environment paradigms and your key relationships to greatly support you in achieving your goals. These things are like small boosts or accelerators that will help you achieve your goals faster.

    Therefore, always analyze market trends, brainstorm how people that surround you can help, pay attention to unexpected opportunities and always count these factors in when prioritizing your goals.

    As an example, if you just unexpectedly got a dream job offer then that is something absolutely worth considering and maybe reshuffling your priorities for. Or for another example, if you just broke up with your spouse and you have more free time, you may decide to dedicate this free time to a hobby you always wanted to learn.

    When one door closes, another one opens.

    The right choice

    What kind of key relationships you currently have

    Your key relationships have an especially important influence on you achieving your goals. You become the average of the five people you spend the most time with. So you want to spend time with ambitious people who support you, who you can learn from and are role models to you.

    When deciding for priorities, you can simply ask yourself where do you have the strongest support at the moment in terms of relationships. In the same way, you also want to make sure that positive traits of other people are a good influence on you and help you achieve your goals.

    For example, if you just started dating a very sporty girl, of course improving your fitness is a smart goal and logical priority. You will have big support in achieving that goal. In the same way, if you just met a successful investor and they’re prepared to share their knowledge with you, why not focus on improving your financial situation.

    Your internal resources and external resources

    The more resources you have, the easier it is to achieve many goals. The fewer resources you have, the more you have to innovate, learn and do all the hard and smart work. That goes for external resources like money and status, and for internal resources like knowledge and experiences.

    A lack of internal resources has an especially big influence on how long it will take you to achieve a certain goal. There is a simple reason for that.

    The hard fact of reality is that when you begin something new, you suck at it. You have no knowledge, skills and experiences, which makes goal setting very hard. It’s hard to set a goal in an area you know nothing about.

    But then slowly, by acquiring knowledge and experience, you can define your goals more specifically. In AgileLeanLife terms, you are first in the search mode and then you enter the execution mode when you find your fit. But before you find your fit you always have to go through a period of before product-market fit apathy.

    This principle is important, because you can’t focus on several new areas and big goals at once. One big goal, several small goals is the rule. You want to make ten steps in one direction, not one step in ten directions.

    Internal and external resources also define how much you can expose yourself to new investments and risks. The more resources you have, the bigger risks you can afford.

    Always consider how much resources you have and where you will invest them. And remember that the most precious resource you have is your time.

    Your greatest strengths and weaknesses

    You build your success on your strengths; but you have to make sure that your weaknesses are not holding you behind big time. You always have some weaknesses that are preventing you from progressing faster in life, and these are the weaknesses you have to deal with and make your priority.

    For example, if starting your own business would take you a big step further in terms of finances and career and you have many great ideas, but you’re really afraid to start your own business because of a fear of failure, that is something you have to address or you will be stuck at a job forever.

    The kind of weaknesses that are preventing you from making a step further in life should always be a priority to deal with. Your fears show you where you have to grow in life. You have to face your fears and weaknesses sooner or later.

    Thus you should make your fears the number one priority to tackle among your goals. Because successfully dealing with your fears opens a world of completely new possibilities. Go for the things you fear the most first.

    Your fears show you where you have to grow in life.

    Your yearly focus

    Last but not least, if you want to progress in life, you have to somehow focus your efforts. The best way to focus is to take one (or maximum two) life area(s) as a priority that you want to greatly improve in one year.

    Greater focus means greater progress. Thus you should always choose one life area that becomes your focus for a certain period of time.

    For example, if you choose health as your yearly priority, you will have no problem finding a way to your perfect diet, you will absolutely find the strength and stamina to regularly exercise and you will be able to admire changes in the mirror; not to mention better moods and higher levels of energy. Focus gives great power to goal achieving.

    When you’re deciding what life area to put in focus, go for the area that:

    • Will most improve the overall quality of your life
    • Is currently very important to you
    • You have or you can build yourself a supporting environment to achieve all the goals more easily
    • You have enough willpower and other resources to tackle challenges in a focused way
    • It enables you to employ your strengths, but also to address your weakness and fears

    When you choose that one life area, it usually pulls several items from the vision list to the top of priorities. As we have seen, putting health in focus influences your diet, exercise regime, overall lifestyle, and so on. That means you can combine goals in a very smart way.

    The next steps after prioritizing your life vision

    When you prioritize your life vision list, you should have 3 – 7 items on the top of your vision list that you plan to realize in the next 3 – 12 months. Most of these 3 – 7 items should be related to one area you want to greatly improve.

    You should have 1 or 2 bigger goals and several small ones. You must be really careful to limit your work in progress and not to overwhelm yourself.

    Here is an example of selected items from a vision list as a yearly goal plan:

    • Losing 20 pounds of fat (health)
    • Being able to run a small marathon (health)
    • Improving posture (health)
    • Travelling to Australia (fun)
    • Brainstorming ideas and finding several potential business ideas (business)
    • Reading 10 books on gardening (competence, fun)
    • Forging one deep international friendship (relationships, fun)
    • Saving 10 % of my income monthly (money)

    The focus area is obviously health. 80 % of the goal-achieving energy is invested into that area.

    When you have your prioritized vision list, you should print the selected items and put them in some visible place. The next step then is to add a powerful emotional charge to every one of the selected items – you add a strong why, and list all the benefits you will enjoy by achieving your goals.

    You do that by developing every selected vision item into a short life story. And then out of a short life story, you develop a Goal Journey Map. Happy prioritizing.

    Prioritize your vision list

    Do you want to know more about goal setting?

    This article is part of the series of how to successfully set goals in the 21st century. It’s part of the AgileLeanLife Goal Setting Framework, which has the following seven steps:

    1. Define your vision list
    2. Prioritize your vision list
    3. Develop life stories for 5 – 7 items at the top of your list – specify what exactly and why
    4. Create a goal journey map to build a superior strategy and define the process
    5. Use branching and forking to stay flexible with alternative paths
    6. Organize the superior strategy on your to-do lists with a 100-day plan and sprints
    7. Mind the principles in the AgileLeanLife Manifesto

    You’re at the bolded article and kindly invited to read the rest of them when they will be published.

  • The only goal setting strategy that really works in the 21st century

    I have been testing and experimenting with different goal setting strategies for more than 15 years. I tried more than 10 different systems and they all let me down.

    Most techniques do help you clarify what you want out of life, but many times they’re nothing but wishful thinking and close to useless exercise. Even more, with every day that passes by, these standard goal setting techniques are less effective.

    The reason is quite simple. The times have become too complex, volatile and fast-changing. The pace of technological, social and political changes is accelerating. The new post-information creative society is bringing a mixture of completely new values, possibilities and threats.

    Especially the rate of technological change is skyrocketing. In a few years, we will have self-driving cars and in a few decades, we will populate Mars and maybe even other planets.

    If you know that the environment will be unimaginably different in a few years, how can you set long-term goals? You can’t. The old ways of goal setting are like writing a business plan. It doesn’t work anymore.

    Tech changes

    Nobody can accurately forecast the future. You have no idea what life has prepared for you. You have no idea how things will be shaped in a few years. But not everything is dark. What you can do is to give your best every day to go towards your goals and then regularly adjust to how things in the environment are changing.

    No static superficial plan survives the first contact with the reality.

    And there is more. If we go from outside changes to your feelings, what often happens is that when you meet a goal set in the traditional way, you may find out that it doesn’t make you happy. It’s not something that you really wanted, you just went after it because you read it in some magazine that is cool to have it.

    Achieving a written-down goal on time and as planned has no value if you don’t enjoy it and if it doesn’t make you happy. Things that really make you happy and things you assume will make you happy are two different things. Thus you must assume nothing.

    Wrong assumptions are the mother of all fuckups. When you set goals in the traditional way, you make a bunch of assumptions about yourself, others and the environment paradigms.

    That’s why a new framework for setting goals is needed. A modern goal setting framework that works. This article is exactly about that. You will learn how to set goals in a way that is efficient and effective, makes sense and won’t make you feel like a failure if something didn’t work out as planned.

    Before we go to the new framework, let’s sum up why the old traditional goal setting techniques don’t work and look at a few practical examples from my own experience of how I failed in traditional goal setting.SMART goal setting

    • Reality never unfolds according to plans.
    • Your S.M.A.R.T. goal is nothing but a bunch of untested assumptions.
    • There is no room for failure and adjustments in traditional goal setting.
    • In the beginning, you have no real idea what will be the process that will take you to the goal, what kind of effort it will require, how long it will take and how much other resources will be needed. The best you can do are educated guesses.
    • There is a difference between what you think is valuable to you and what really is valuable to you and makes you happy, and in traditional ways there is no room for discovery and exploration.
    • Everything is changing too fast to make any detailed plans for more than a year.
    • You have to focus more on the process, your habits, your environment together with people around you than on the actual goal. It’s more about the carefully orchestrated process, not the final event.

    These are all the problems that the new framework solves. And now let’s go to all the funny or sad stories from my life.

    The old way to set goals in life

    The best way to explain the old non-working ways of goal setting is through my personal experience. In my early twenties, I decided to do something out of my life. So I started to read personal development books and there is practically no self-help book that doesn’t mention goal setting.

    In the first year that I started to set my goals, I used the most superficial technique. Well, it was the easiest one to begin with. For New Years’ Eve, I wrote down 10 goals I wanted to achieve in the upcoming year, placed the list in an envelope, sealed it and put it in my drawer. I had read in a book or an article that with such an exercise, you put your subconscious mind to work and at least 8 of 10 things you write down should come true. I know, I was young and naïve.

    I opened the envelope a year later, looked at my goals and crossed 1 out of 10 goals from the list. I felt like a complete failure. I almost gave up on myself.

    But then I read about the S.M.A.R.T. goal setting technique. You write down goal statements in first person (I have, I am…) as if they already came true, but in a lot more detail. You have to make sure that your written down goals are Specific, Measurable, Action-oriented, Relevant and Time-bound.

    I went from 10 goals to seven, followed all the S.M.A.R.T rules and even put the list with my goals in a visible place. I looked at the goals every day and felt bad, because I wasn’t moving towards the goals as quickly as I wanted. I was focused more on the goal itself than on the process of how to get there.

    A goal I thought will take me only a few months to achieve took me years in reality, years after I gave up the S.M.A.R.T. goals technique. When you have zero experience in something, everything seems realistic and achievable. You can write a book in a few months right, it’s no big deal? You can’t know it if you don’t have any experience with it. Period.

    When you have zero experience with something, everything seems realistic and achievable.

    I tried many other different goal setting techniques. I had a vision notebook with pictures of yachts, villas and expensive watches. Now that I know myself better, I know I don’t want any of that. I had a fancy car and only had headaches with it.

    Now I don’t own a car and I feel much better. I spent many holidays on yachts and sailing boats until I figured out that I don’t really like it. It’s not what motivates me or what would bring me happiness in life. Back then, I just didn’t have any better ideas and I didn’t know myself that well. But let’s move on.

    Too many goals

    One year, following another technique, I wrote down where I see myself in one, five, ten, twenty and fifty years. What I wrote down for where I see myself in 10 years and what really happened are two completely different things.

    There was a big financial crisis in these 10 years that hit me bad. Back then it was normal to have your first kid in your early 20s and today it’s not – at least in my country. These are only two changes in the environment that brought me to a completely different situation than planned.

    Today I know that planning for more than a year is impossible, and what will happen in twenty years is a complete mystery. Maybe I will live on Mars or maybe I will be long dead because of WW3. I hope that the former will come true, but that’s nothing but wishful thinking.

    You can focus on the process in the present moment, you can plan the next quarter, you can have a rough idea of what you want to achieve in a year, but everything after that are only wishful visions for which nobody knows if they will come true.

    I tried many other different techniques and approaches. The one that worked best for me was to choose one life area for a year and completely focus on drastically improving it. It’s a technique that somehow moves attention from the goal you want to achieve to the daily process.

    For a year, you do every day something for your health, wealth, happiness or whichever life area you’ve chosen. Only one area with complete focus. The approach is also part of a system I will soon describe. But only focusing on one area for a year wasn’t enough. I needed something better and more sophisticated.

    Luckily, I had the solution right in front of me. I was working with startups as a venture capitalist and it became the general opinion in the startup world that business plans don’t work anymore.

    Business plans are nothing but a set of business goals that founders set in a very traditional way – five year forecasts that have no basis in reality. Business plans have the same problem as traditional goal setting does in personal life. As an alternative, new dynamic planning approaches started taking place. The so-called lean startup and agile development techniques.

    At some point, I asked myself: if these techniques are proven to work over and over again for starting and managing businesses, why wouldn’t they work as a goal setting technique in personal lives? So I decided to take these techniques and apply it to my personal life. I tested the framework over and over again until I built something that worked for me.

    It’s a slightly complicated and very dynamic goal setting framework. Not to mention that you have to feel comfortable with long-term uncertainty. But it works. It gives you the freedom to stay agile, listen to yourself, adjust to opportunities in the environment and focus more on the process than the final goal.

    Because in reality, you have no idea how and when you will arrive to the desired destination, unless you have a very accurate and stable history in the shape of valid data that can somehow predict short-term future. And even that is considered in the framework.

    AgileLeanLife Goal Setting Framework

    The new way to setting goals in life

    The AgileLeanLife Goal Setting Framework considers all the important paradigms, trends and limitations of reality and how we humans operate. These facts are:

    It’s impossible to accurately describe the past, predict the future and even harder to manufacture the future exactly as you imagine it at a certain moment. This is why planning for more than a year makes no sense. There is no such thing as a visionary, only people with a superior life strategy. The only thing you can really do is to focus on the process.

    We are in times of constant changes. You have to constantly deal with new challenges, unexpected obstacles and unknown problems. Thus you have to constantly improve, grow, add capabilities to your competence list and even more, you have to constantly adjust. You must have no problem crossing a planned activity from your list in a second and adjusting the course of your life into a new direction.

    In addition to that, you can only set accurate goals when you know yourself really well, understand your environment and have accurate historical data that can somewhat predict short-term future. The more validated knowledge and data in terms of metrics you have, the more detailed goals you can set.

    Considering all these facts, we can say that any worthwhile goal setting technique today must consist of:

    • a lot of testing, experimenting, and trying different things in the beginning
    • managing small failures that lead to validated learning and new insights
    • constantly adjusting the strategy according to environmental changes
    • constantly adjusting the strategy according to your internal world and feelings
    • slowly transitioning to more traditional goal setting when you have enough data and insights

    Practically, that means that you begin in the search mode, experimenting and building a strategy that will work for you as an individual and only once you have all the necessary data and insights can you transit to the execution mode and set the goals in a more standard way. You can be in the search mode for months or even years before you enter the execution mode. The good news is that you only have to be right once.

    And there’s nothing wrong with that. Because the byproduct of the search mode is getting to know yourself better, madly educating yourself, defining actionable metrics you will measure and thus making sure you avoid different vanity metrics, you shape the process that you will follow, you forge new connections with people with the same goals or who will support you, and so on.

    There are seven steps in the AgileLeanLife Goal Setting Framework:

    1. Define your vision list
    2. Prioritize your vision list
    3. Develop life stories for 5 – 7 items on the top of your list – specify what exactly and why
    4. Build a Goal Journey Map to build a superior strategy and define the process
    5. Use branching and forking to stay flexible with alternative paths
    6. Organize the superior execution with a 100-day plan and bi-weekly sprints
    7. Considering all the principles of the AgileLeanLife Manifesto

    Now let’s dive deep into every one of the steps.

    Define your life vision

    Write down your vision list

    Everything starts with your life vision. Your life vision is the hope for what your life could be and something you can share with people you deeply care about, want to spend time with, and who support you and empower you. The vision is your true north, the final destination to keep in mind.

    Your vision should be huge and exciting and breathtaking. Your vision should be your biggest inspiration in life. It’s what makes you ready for a new adventure every morning. The life vision is your true north, the final destination to keep in mind, the sum of all different life experiences. Your life vision must be greater than any problem you encounter on the path towards your goals.

    To define your life vision, you should answer three simple questions:

    • Who do you want to become (your personal evolution)? … and make your ideal-self persona.
    • What do you want to experience in life (and how to enjoy it)? … and make a list of it.
    • What kind of a legacy do you want to leave behind (what will you create)? … and write down a strong emotional statement.

    You can help yourself by browsing through different online bucket lists, Pinterest boards, magazines, you can ask other people what they’d like to experience together with you, you can get inspired by achievements of your role models, there are many ways that can help you prepare your vision list.

    If you take enough time, browse for ideas in these several places I mentioned and answer the three vision questions, you should have 50 – 150 items on your vision list. Nevertheless, the vision list is not a static document. Your life vision constantly changes. At least every quarter, you should update the list by adding new items, removing some of them, reshuffling your priorities and hopefully crossing one or two items from the list.

    As important as it is to regularly update your life vision, you must also be aware that you can’t achieve everything at the same time. Your life vision is a sum of everything you want to do with your life in decades or, to be more exact, for as long as you’re going to live on this planet and let’s hope it’s for a very long time.

    Your vision list is not something you have to achieve in a few months. But you are going to die someday and that should be motivation enough to realize as many items on your vision list as possible.

    The purpose of the vision list is not to put pressure on you about how your life should look like in ten or twenty years. The vision list is just a list of what you want to experience in life, encouraging you to fight for a diverse life experience, without any time pressure for the most of the items (for some there are biological or other limits).

    The most important thing is that you stay lean and agile about your vision list. You have to know how to correctly prioritize items on your vision list. And that’s the next step.

    • Here is more about how to prepare vision list.
    • Here is an example of my vision list.
    • Now prepare your own life vision list!

    Prioritize your vision list

    Prioritize your vision list

    If you did the previous exercise, you should have a vision list with 50 – 150 items and when you look at these items, you should feel excited. If you manage to realize half of what’s written on the list in your lifetime, you will feel happy, fulfilled and have zero regrets on your deathbed.

    But since you can’t achieve everything at once, you have to prioritize items on your vision list. And you have to do it in a very smart way.

    When you decide for priority items to go after, you have to take several factors into consideration. You prioritize items on your vision list based on the following factors:

    1. Your current life situation – Your current life situation greatly influences what you should consider to be your priorities. Life areas in which you suck or are dragging you down should definitely become your priorities. Different life situations (like expecting a baby, losing your job or getting ill) all severely influence your priorities. We must also not forget any biological or other limitations. Write down your current specific life situation and how it influences your vision list items.
    2. What’s currently the most important thing to you – At every point in life, you have a slightly different set of values. You always feel that achieving something particular is the most important thing to you at a certain time. When you are young it may be partying, then acquiring your own home, then wisdom in later years, and so on. Ask yourself what is currently most important to you when you’re prioritizing your vision list.
    3. What kind of opportunities are showing up in your environment – Setting goals is not only about you, but also about the opportunities that show up in your life and about the people that currently surround you. You want environment paradigms and your key relationships to greatly support you in achieving your goals. Nobody can succeed alone; you need a lot of outside help. So analyze market trends, how people that surround you can help you, what are currently the greatest opportunities in your life, and so on. Make sure you always consider these things when prioritizing your goals.
    4. What kind of key relationships you currently have –Your key relationships have an especially important influence on your goal setting and goal achieving. You become the average of the five people you spend most time with. Thus you want to spend your time with ambitious people who support you. And you want to make sure that positive traits of other people have a positive influence on your goal achieving. For example, if you just started dating a very sporty girl, of course improving your fitness is a smart goal. You will have big support in achieving that goal. Analyze how your current relationship can empower you in meeting your goals, what new relationships you must forge and maybe even which relationships to abandon.
    5. Your internal resources and external resources – When you begin with anything new, you suck at it. You have no knowledge, skills and experiences, so goal setting is very hard. Slowly, by acquiring knowledge and experience, you can more specifically define your goals and daily activities that lead to your goals. That’s important, because you can’t focus on several new areas at once. Every big goal or improvement takes an enormous amount of time, effort and other resources. One big goal, several small goals is the rule. You want to be making ten steps in one direction, not one step in ten directions. Internal and external resources also define how much you can expose yourself to new investments and how fast you can progress towards your goals. The more resources you have, the bigger risks you can afford and the more you can invest into your progress. Count that in when you prioritize.
    6. Your greatest weaknesses and strengths – You always have some weaknesses that are preventing you from progressing in life and achieving your goals. For example, starting your own business could take you a big step further in terms of finances and career, but you’re really scared to start your own business, because you’re afraid of uncertainty. These kinds of weaknesses should always be a priority to be dealt with. Your fears show you where you have to grow in life. Sooner or later, you have to face what you fear. The sooner you do it, the better. And of course, you need to build your success on your greatest strengths.
    7. Your yearly focus – Last but not least, you have to focus your efforts. Every year you should focus on one or maximum two areas of life you want to really improve. Greater focus means greater progress. So you should always choose one life area every as your focus every year, influencing how you re-prioritize your vision list.

    When you’re prioritizing your life vision items, you should have 3 – 7 items that you plan to realize and meet in the next 3 – 12 months. You should print out a list with these chosen items and put it in some visible place.

    In the next step, you need to add a strong why to every one of the prioritized items. You need to add a powerful emotional charge to every one of the selected items. You do that by developing every vision item into a short life story.

    Develop life stories

    Develop life stories for 5 – 7 items on the top of your list – specify what exactly and why

    After you have a very well-prioritized vision list with 3 – 7 items that you want to achieve in the following 3 – 12 months, it’s time for a more detailed definition of every selected item. Applying user stories from agile development to the task is the perfect way to do it.

    The goal of this step is to describe more clearly what exactly you want to achieve, discuss it with all the important parties involved and even more, to clarify why exactly you want to achieve it. A powerful why will give you a sense of mission, excitement and value. Together with your life vision, it’s something that drives you through all the obstacles you encounter in life.

    By writing life stories based on your vision item list, you achieve the following:

    From all the benefits listed above, a strong why deserves a special emphasis. Only a life vision is never enough, you also need a powerful why. A powerful why motivates you when you wake up in the morning and encourages you to think about your goals before you go to sleep. A powerful why is what gives you stamina, resilience, persistence and a feeling of fulfillment.

    Here are just some of the benefits of having a powerful why in your personal life:

    • You feel more alive and valuable
    • You can connect more easily and communicate with people much more passionately
    • You can innovate and be creative much more easily
    • You can feel the impact you’re making
    • You can inspire other people to work with you
    • You are a more charismatic and energetic person when following your goals and you’re probably happier as well

    A simple exercise you have to do ad this point is to take each prioritized bullet point from your life vision and develop it into a short life story describing why. A short life story can be one sentence or a few sentences. You can simply write a life story on a card, a piece of paper or a post-it note, and then put it on your personal Kanban board and make sure it’s always in a visible place. It’s great to corroborate the story with visual elements.

    To write a life story, you need the following pieces of information and then you write a statement as if you’ve already achieved it:

    • Who – obviously you, but is there anybody else with whom you want to experience part of your life vision.
    • What exactly – a very well-defined outcome you want to achieve. You have to imagine a final scenario very well.
    • Why –you need a strong why for every one of your goals. In addition to that, you can list all the pains and gains that will add additional motivation and emotional charge to the goal.

    Here are two examples:

    As a curious person, I know how to speak Japanese fluently to understand their culture really well and make new friends from there. I will feel much better about myself speaking one more foreign language and will be a step closer to my ideal-self.

    As a creative worker I have graduated to having more employment options and won’t spend my whole life feeling like I didn’t give closure to my studying years.

    When you have your short life stories prepared, you break them down into a Goal Journey Map.

    Goal journey map

    Goal journey mapping (GJM) and a superior strategy

    When you have your short life stories and a clear picture of what you want to achieve (a clear outcome), you have to outline a superior strategy for how you will achieve your goal. A superior strategy is a fighting plan that you constantly adjust, update and improve. It’s a document where you gather all the data, analyze it and make adjustments.

    In the AgileLeanLife Goal Setting Framework, it’s called the Goal Journey Map. For every one of your goals or stories, you make their own Goal Journey Map – it can be a spreadsheet, a document, a physical map or anything that suits you best. The concept is based on User Journey Mapping.

    The Goal Journey Map consists of the following elements:

    1. Life story – The final goal you want to achieve and why (as we’ve discussed)
    2. Process phases – Different phases you have to go through, like educating yourself, searching, finding your fit, executing etc.
    3. Process with milestones – Repeating actions that lead to micro-goals and then to the final goal
    4. Supporting environment – Key relationships, trends, motivational installations and other changes
    5. People – All the people that are involved in achieving your goals (influencers, blockers, mentors)
    6. Insights and Minimum Viable Experience – Experiments you will perform for validated learning
    7. Metrics – How you will measure your progress in different process phases
    8. Feedback mechanism – System for gathering feedback from yourself and your environment
    9. Risk-reward factor – Potential barriers, risks, fears and unanswered questions
    10. Branches and forks – Potential small and big adjustments to the strategy

    Life story – On top of your Goal Journey Map, you write your short life story. We already know that a short life story is the final goal you want to achieve and why you want to achieve it; you add a strong motivational charge and list all the rewards and benefits.

    Process phases – Every single goal you want to achieve in life goes through different process phases. They’re more or less standard phases. Examples of such phases are educating yourself, searching, finding your fit, executing and finally meeting your goals.

    Process with milestones Defining the process together with milestones is by far the most important part of the Goal Journey Map. It’s about daily repeating actions that lead to micro-goals and then to the final goal. In the search mode, that might be a list of all the things you will try, and in the execution mode, it’s the daily discipline and hard work you put into achieving your goals.

    Supporting environment – You can’t succeed at anything alone. You need a strong supporting environment. That’s why you need to define key relationships that will influence your decision or are involved in reaching your goals, market trends and other PESTLE trends.

    You also need to list all potential motivational installations and other changes in the environment that can help you achieve your goals. Examples are motivational posters, mobile apps, different reminders, and so on.

    People – Out of all the things that your environment consists of, people are the most important thing. People will encourage you, people will block you and people are the ones who will support you. If you don’t have the right environment, forget about achieving all the goals. Thus you need to list all the people who are involved in achieving your goals (influencers, blockers, mentors).

    You need to analyze their behavior and changes in their behavior when you’re following the process of achieving your goals, you need to set a strategy of how you will turn blockers into supporters or get rid of them, and so on. Maybe you also need to make new connections in order to meet you goals faster.

    Minimum Viable Experience – Under Minimum Viable Experiences, you define all the small experiments you plan to perform in order to learn more about yourself and your environment. The idea of MVEs is to not only talk or think about things (what you should try, what you think you may like etc.), but to go and try them. You don’t assume, you go out and test. Testing and trying is the best way to gain firsthand knowledge about yourself and the world. Testing and trying is the best way to achieve your goals.

    Metrics and resources – You need a set of metrics for every goal you want to achieve. Actually, you need two sets of metrics. One for the search mode and one for the execution mode. Metrics are the ones showing you if you are progressing or not. Metrics help you decide what to do next. You have no idea where you are and where you’re going if you don’t have any metrics. Besides metrics, you can also define resources that you need to achieve the goal, from knowledge to money, connections etc.

    Feedback mechanism – The idea of GJM is that you constantly update your strategy based on acquiring new knowledge and even more based on regular feedback that you get from the environment and your emotions. You have to write down new insights and based on that, decide what you will start doing, stop doing and continue doing.

    Equally important is that you can’t pay attention to just the hardcore metrics, you also need to consider your feelings, happenings in your environment and you want to always keep the bigger picture in mind. That’s why you need to do regular reflections and then adjustments in your strategy. Besides the process, this part is the most important one in the Goal Journey Map.

    Risk-reward factor – On the path to every goal, you will meet many barriers, risk levels will change, you will have many unanswered questions and fears to face. There will always be risks to mitigate and you will always have to pay attention to the risk-reward ratio. That is definitely one thing to include into your Goal Journey Map.

    Pivots, branches and forksPivots, branches and forks are potential small and big adjustments you can make to the strategy in different process phases. They are alternative paths you can take every time you encounter a roadblock on your path towards your goal. You know that your plan won’t work, that’s why you keep it dynamic and you always have alternative paths that enable you to go forward.

    There are a few very important things regarding the Goal Journey Map. For small goals, it’s obviously overkill and you have to simplify it. Considering the type of a goal you have, you should use common sense to decide which parts to keep and which ones to delete. For bigger goals, like getting fit, wealthy, starting your own business, learning a new hard skill and similar, including all the elements into the GJM makes sense. Especially because big goals require big commitments.

    If you have such a map and follow it, there is nothing that can stop you on the way to achieving your goals. Nothing. The map itself motivates you. And that’s what you want and need. Your Goal Journey Map can be a spreadsheet, a document, a physical notebook or a bunch of sketches together in one place. It has to become something you always carry around and it’s like your bible that you won’t let out of your sight.

    A very important issue is also to build your Goal Journey Map step by step. You start small with what you know and then you constantly upgrade the document, add new elements, delete outdated things and make new notes. It’s a living document that constantly gets updated.

    Now let’s say a word or two more about pivots, branches and forks, because they’re the things in the GJM that help you stay flexible.

    Pivots forks branches

    Pivots, branching and forking to stay flexible with alternative paths

    You’ve built a very detailed plan in the Customer Journey Map, but you know in advance that the plan won’t work, you know that you are wrong about how things will unfold, because the plan is based more or less on your assumptions.

    Knowing that, you can do a few things within the Goal Journey Map:

    • You can brainstorm potential obstacles you may encounter in different stages.
    • You can brainstorm alternative paths if the obstacles really appear – you build your own branches and brainstorm potential
    • You can also specify very clearly when to give up, not to be misled by the sunk costs.

    You absolutely can’t predict everything that will happen. You absolutely don’t know what will go wrong and what will go right. But you can definitely brainstorm many scenarios that could go wrong and you can mentally prepare yourself for them.

    You can always think of the biggest risks in advance and as things go along you adjust to the smaller ones that were not anticipated. You can always brainstorm potential pivots and how to mitigate risks. You do that with branches and forks.

    Pivots, branches and forks – what?

    A pivot in personal life is a fundamental change in your life strategy or a strategy for how to achieve a goal. You change your direction in life, but you still keep the same life vision and you consider the facts you learned about yourself and your environment. You make pivots as many times as necessary until you find the perfectly right fit for you.

    A list of potential branches and forks are in advanced brainstormed potential pivots. You can also add new potential branches and forks when you encounter a problem or an obstacle in order to have as many options on the table as possible.

    There are two types of pivots:

    • Branches
    • Forks

    Branches are small divergences from the main path, micro adjustments and mini new experiments that you decide to perform in order to find a better way to achieve your goals. They are not too big diversions from the main path that don’t require any colossal changes in strategy.

    Forks, on the other hand, are bigger pivots in your life. You take one big project or activity into a completely new direction. You take what you’ve learnt, you keep the good parts, but the general direction changes a lot.

    If you don’t have any alternative path when you encounter a problem, you can easily get stuck in overanalyzing how unlucky you are, you can put yourself in the position of being a victim, and you can endlessly whine, bitch and complain. But when you already know your next best alternative, you can simply move on, you already have something new to look forward to.

    Operational plan

    100-day plan and sprints

    In the Goal Journey Map, you should have all the required data to take everything to the operational level and define the actions and tasks you will perform daily to achieve your goals. This step is about putting the process to daily work. Based on the data in your Goal Journey Map, you define:

    • 100-days backlog – Milestones you will achieve in the next 3 months
    • Bi-weekly sprints – Tasks you will complete in 14-days sprints
    • Daily 3T – The three most important tasks for a specific day

    100-days backlog: 100-days backlog is the package of all activities (items) you plan to accomplish in the upcoming 100 days or three months. That’s just enough time to see progress and to gather enough data to make any necessary adjustments and pivots.

    So every 100 days comes the time for new improved tactics, prioritizing, reflection, and taking the upcoming 100 days dead serious. Like they’re the first 100 days. Every time. Every 100 days. Every 100 days, you make a big update to your GJM.

    Bi-weekly sprints: Out of the 100-Days Backlog, you then choose tasks for each of your 14-day sprints. The sprint is a 14-day period in the execution mode where you work hard as hell to complete all selected items from your backlog.

    All selected items have to be broken down into tasks and visualized on your Kanban board. There has to be a post-it note for every task and throughout the two weeks, you move your tasks from “to-do” to “in progress” and “done” status.

    Daily 3T: Every single day, you should start your working day with a morning meeting with yourself and then also do the same with your team, if you have one.

    In the morning meeting, you do a short reflection where you ask yourself what you did yesterday, what 3 tasks you plan to do today and whether there’s anything preventing you from achieving that. You also put a mark on your happiness index. Then you create in the flow.

    • Here you can read more about how to organize yourself with to-do lists

    General principles

    Considering the main principles from the AgileLeanLife Manifesto

    On top of the Goal Setting Framework, we have to add the main principles and good practices of achieving goals in contemporary times. These are the principles from the AgileLeanLife manifesto:

    • Limit your work in progress: The most important rule is to limit your work in progress. You can’t go after too many goals at once. One big goal and several small ones in a year is the maximum. Be smart about it, don’t overwhelm yourself and don’t try to achieve too much too soon.
    • Find your fit: The prerequisite for being successful and to really meet your goals, no matter what kind of goals you’ve set for yourself, is finding your own fit. Values are what determines whether you fit with something or not. When you find the right fit, passion awakens in you. You find yourself in something. You know that you can be successful in this. You see potential. Finding your fit means that you start climbing the right wall. You find your fit using the search mode.
    • Search before you execute: In the search mode, you shouldn’t have any expectations, you shouldn’t make any commitments and you shouldn’t do any hard work. Expectations lead to assumptions, and before you understand something, your expectations are definitely completely wrong. In the search phase, you just try, experiment, observe, reflect, and learn about yourself and the world. The most important thing in this phase is to have no fixed ideas and no expectations at all. In the search mode, you just learn, reflect and regularly upgrade your Goal Journey Map strategy.
    • Visualize everything: Brain neurons for our visual perception account for approximately 30 % of the brain’s grey matter. When we look at pictures, our brain can process several pieces of information simultaneously, which means that it’s processing around 60,000 times faster than when reading a text. That’s why you have to visualize as many things as possible when it comes to your goals. The principle is called Kanban. Have photos of what you want to achieve, have Kanban boards to visualize your working flow, and so on.
    • Constantly improve: You must never forget that there is always room for improvement, there is always a way to do it better. You should always look to improve yourself and grow. The growth mindset is how you really become successful and meet your goals. You constantly improve yourself based on Kaizen rules. And you must constantly upgrade and improve your Goal Journey Map.
    • Trust the process: The final goal you want to achieve is the final “event” that you experience and then cross from the vision list. That is the finish line. But to come to the finish line, you have to focus on the process. Process is the daily hard work, the daily sweat. Process is one step after another, slowly leading you towards your final event. When things get really hard, remember to trust the process.
    • Optimize your entire life, not just parts of it: If one of the life areas collapses, everything else can collapse as well. For example, your health greatly affects your earning potential and the quality of your relationships. There are some periods in life when you have to put more focus on a single area (e.g. when getting a baby), but you should never let the bigger picture out of your sight. You don’t want any collapses in your life. You mustn’t become so obsessed with one goal that you forget about the other areas of life.
    • Don’t look for outside safety: If you want to live an extraordinary life, you have to do extraordinary things. If you want to do extraordinary things, you have to extraordinarily believe in yourself. You must find your inner security and be aware of your personal power. There is no more outer safety, the world has become too uncertain, complex and volatile. The only real safety are your competences and your self-confidence.
    • Live life with love and respect: Respect yourself by believing in yourself. Respect other people you’ve chosen to be with or work with by empowering them and learning from them. Respect Mother Nature. Respect markets. Respect the global flow. Don’t expect them to change. You’ll have to change yourself first.

    Happy goal setting

    Now you know the goal setting strategy that really works.

    It’s a strategy that considers smart work and daily hard work. It’s a goal setting strategy that considers the bigger picture and all the details. It’s a strategy that makes a goal the center of your life and even more importantly, it’s the only strategy that enables you to constantly adjust. It’s the only goal setting strategy that encourages you to stay flexible.

    It’s absolutely not the simplest framework ever. It takes some time to understand all the steps and elements but once you do, it’s extremely easy to apply it. I use this framework constantly. For my health and fitness goals, for my blogging goals, now I’m building it for my financial goals, and so on. I use a simplified version of it for my traveling plans, relationship goals, and so on.

    I hope the framework helps you too to achieve your goals faster. Try it, experiment with it. Open a spreadsheet and begin prototyping.

  • Immediately stop wasting your life

    It was late Friday afternoon and I got pretty hungry. I decided to cook myself lunch. Oh yes, I’m learning how to cook healthy dishes. Anyway, I opened the fridge and it was almost completely empty. I was too hungry to go to the grocery store and then cook, so I decided to get lunch in a grill restaurant nearby.

    Since I was alone, I observed people a little bit. It was very obvious that it was Friday afternoon. The restaurant/bar was full. I was sitting outside. More than half of the people were passionately smoking, cigarette after cigarette. Everybody was drinking, from beer to wine and liquor. The salty chips that people were snacking on made them even more alcohol thirsty.

    Out of the three waitresses, only one was really working hard. The other two were sitting, smoking and looking at each other’s Facebook photos. You could see on people’s faces how relieved they were because it was Friday. You could see how a little bit of alcohol, gossiping and wasting their time brought a short-term escape from the painful reality of life.

    They didn’t look happy; only glad that it’s Friday.

    Life is a very precious thing

    I felt like a complete outsider in that restaurant. Frankly, the environment made me a little bit nervous. I felt like I was among zombies. It’s not that I felt superior or more valuable compared to others, because I don’t. I respect every single person. Even more, I used to be a zombie myself, so it reminded me of that. But I was wondering: why, people, why don’t you wake up?

    It’s so much better when you wake up and really start living life. It’s so good when you aren’t a zombie anymore. I don’t care if it’s Monday, Friday or Saturday. I always have something to look forward to. I love my work, so even if it’s Friday afternoon I have no problem sitting down and writing an article or two. I have so many different interests that I can’t imagine wasting a second of my life.

    • I want to learn how to cook really good healthy dishes
    • I have hundreds of books in a cue I want to read
    • There are so many different countries to travel to
    • I have so many online courses to watch
    • So many ideas for articles to write
    • All the mountains to climb
    • Different people I want to have deep talks with and create projects
    • Not to mention all the gadgets I want to try
    • Oh, and someday I want to be an investor

    These are only a few things from my vision list and they will take decades to complete. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not the happiest person alive. I have so much emotional baggage, many problems to deal with, my starting point was annihilating and I have an extremely complex personality that often makes me my own worst enemy.

    But I find life to be a very precious thing. I appreciate every second given to me. I’m grateful for every talent I have and I for sure don’t want to waste them.

    I see the world as a playground where I can learn, grow, connect, create and enjoy life. The world has so much to offer that I don’t imagine wasting it in a pub, smoking a cigarette, gossiping and being happy it’s Friday so I can watch TV for the weekend.

    Just don’t be a zombie, wake up

    You only have one life. You’re going to die. That should be the greatest motivation ever. One day, you are going to look back and get to the bottom line of what you’ve done with your life.

    It will be either the final moment of internal regret or the moment of the deepest feelings of gratefulness that you ever experienced. In that moment, there will be no way of going back and changing things. Your decisions today and tomorrow are the only things that will lead to one of those two scenarios. Make sure it won’t be regret.

    You only have one life. You’re going to die. That should be the greatest motivation ever.

    Make sure you don’t turn into a zombie. Make sure you never stop fighting. Make sure you never settle. Make sure you always stay hungry and that you always stay foolish. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. It’s the one single thing where all-or-nothing thinking makes sense. Otherwise it’s one of the most frequent cognitive distortions that you have to avoid at all costs.

    You don’t want to live a “meh, okay” life. You want to live an extraordinary life. To achieve that, you need an extraordinary approach to life and a superior life strategy. In the core of life, it comes down to three main things: how you earn money (wealth), who you spend time with (relationships) and what kind of a lifestyle you’re living, especially concerning your health. We can also add happiness to the list.

    Don’t work at a job you hate, only because of the money

    You were given a special combination of talents. Develop them and use them. In the beginning, it takes some effort, but when you become better and better at things, a passion develops and you get to enjoy what you do. Because you’re good at it you get promoted or you can start your own business, so consequently you don’t only enjoy it, but also make more money.

    You spend more than 1/3 of your life working. It’s impossible to live a fulfilling and happy life if you are doing a job you hate. It’s impossible. And it’s not only about work, it’s also about the key business relationships. You want to work for a boss you respect, with a team of people that you fit in with, and you want to have a mentor who constantly pushes you.

    You are the one choosing where you work. You are the one choosing your key business relationships. It’s your choice. You can always develop new competences, find a better job or change your behavior at the current job. If you are just a little bit creative, you can make any job the most interesting occupation in the world. If you are just a little bit creative, you can see how every job provides value and solves a problem for other people. And that must feel good.

    Fly with eagles, don’t cluck with chickens

    Not one good thing comes from spending time with people who make your life miserable – on purpose or because they’re emotionally hurting zombies. There is no good in gossiping. There is no point in drama. And it makes no sense to spend time with people who don’t encourage you to become your ideal self or with whom you don’t feel a deep connection that fulfills your life and makes it especially valuable.

    People who create together develop deep bonds. People who do things together, from sports to art and traveling, stay together. People who have deep talks and explore life develop strong multidimensional relationships that can’t be broken easily. People can make your living on Earth heaven or hell. So chose the people you spend time with very carefully. Be picky about what kind of activities you do with others.

    Every relationship has a certain level of drama. Every relationship is already a broken glass. There are no perfect relationships in life. But there are relationships that are worth the effort and trouble, and there are relationships that only help you justify wasting your life away.

    Sitting in a bar, smoking a cigarette, bitching, whining and complaining, and gossiping about other people while checking social networks is a prime example of toxic relationships that are dragging a person down. They are a very exact example of clucking with chickens. Fly with eagles instead.

    Stop wasting your life now

    Your health is your greatest asset

    I understand smoking in teenage years, when it’s a sign of rebellion or you want to try different things. I understand lighting a cigarette when something stressful happens and you need to somehow calm yourself down. But I don’t understand regularly smoking your years away and calling ugly diseases into your life.

    It’s the same with drinking and eating chips or any other addictive habit. I know everybody needs to let off some steam from time to time. I need it too. Getting drunk from time to time is pretty normal. But seeing drinking and smoking in a bar while gossiping as the peak of your life makes zero sense. Oh, it’s Friday night, so I’m going to destroy myself a little bit.

    You can enjoy healthy food as much as you can enjoy chips. You feel much better after a run than after smoking a cigarette. You can socialize when exercising, learning, creating or playing real games. You just have to put in a little bit more effort.

    The moments when you should feel the best about your life are the moments when you’re taking good care of yourself and others. You should feel the best about yourself and life when you’re growing, really connecting with people, enjoying life in pure happiness or creating based on your talents. That’s definitely not sitting in a bar, smoking, gossiping, checking social networks and drinking excessively.

    Every second counts

    Every single second counts. Each of the 200 times you check your mobile phone counts. You could be rather brainstorming ideas. Every time you check social networks and stalk other people online instead of really living life, counts. You could be climbing a mountain or swimming in the sea. Every meeting you go to in order to kill some time, counts. You could be creating your next masterpiece.

    Again, you are going to die. You have a limited number of seconds. Don’t cut off your seconds by completely forgetting about a healthy lifestyle. Don’t waste your seconds as a zombie waiting for life to just pass by. Explore, enjoy, connect, grow, learn, improve, love, travel, put a smile on your face, make the most out of it. There are so many things you can do.

    Nobody on their deathbed has ever said “I wish I had pressed just one more like”.

    I know it’s easy to preach. I’ve been there. I wasted around 20 % of my life. Years, completely wasted. Puff, gone. I was so pissed, so depressed and so angry. I was a fucking living zombie. My home environment turned me into a zombie. Even a single thought of what I could have done with all those years hurts so much.

    But at one point, I realized that living a zombie life is shit. And I decided to do the first step into a more positive direction. I read the first book. I went to the gym for the first time. I joined different business associations. Slowly, I changed my environment and myself. It took a few years to see the first results. Nevertheless, all the effort paid off. Now I’m not wasting even a second of my life anymore.

    Wasting seconds Appreciating seconds
    Sitting in a bar Climbing a mountain
    Gossiping Having a deep talk
    Eating chips Snacking on something healthy
    Smoking Belly breathing
    Bitching about life Fighting
    Being happy it’s Friday Brainstorming what you will create
    Checking social networks Reading a book

    Immediately stop wasting your life

    I needed to rant a little bit. The scene in the restaurant reminded me of how I used to waste my life and how tough it was. It reminded me of how it feels like and looks like to be a zombie. I saw all the seconds being wasted and potential being thrown away.

    For me, that’s not easy, not only because of the wasted seconds, but also because I already met so many talented people who decided not to wake up from the zombie life. They decided not to take the red pill.

    Don’t be one of them. No matter how tough your past was, no matter how difficult your life situation is, keep going. Never start wasting your life, never stop fighting. Never settle and never give up. Every second of your life given to you is a precious second and you have to make something good out of it. Don’t make stupid decisions, develop good positive habits, appreciate life, and all that will sooner or later lead you to a good positive life. If you are doing it anyhow, just stop wasting your life.

  • Finding the balance between doing and being for all the workaholic

    There are two modes of human operation. One is doing and the other is being. Doing is work, achievements, recognition, creating value and improving yourself. Being is loving, enjoying and appreciating life. Without any improvements needed. You need a healthy balance of both if you want to be truly happy.

    Doing is a prefect bully of being (and vice-versa as we will see). Doing is a very convincing illusion of escape. You can always start doing something and forget being.

    You can have an endless to-do list. You can always take on more responsibilities. You can take your phone in your hand and check work emails anytime and anywhere.

    You can nicely whine and complain about how busy you are to whoever you meet so you get a little bit of comfort and love. And achievements can always give you a short-term boost of self-worth and confidence.

    I’m extremely inclined towards doing. It’s called being a workaholic and it’s an addiction like any other, helping you run away from yourself and life – from being.

    With becoming older and a little bit wiser, I have been slowly learning to also just be. To only be, without any work. I improved in this sense a little bit and still have a lot of work to do. I know “a lot of work to do” sounds a bit ironic in this case. Well, I have to do less work I guess.

    Anyway, I grasped the theoretical concept of what leads to an ability of only being in the present moment, but implementing it is a completely different story; if you are a natural born workaholic. Actually, nobody is born pure workaholic. You become workaholic usually because of the toxic upbringing.

    If you are a workaholic and struggle with just being like I am, let me share with you a few core concepts that could help you find the right balance between doing and being.

    doing and being balance

    You’re valuable for who you are, not what you achieve

    If your parents told you that they love you only when you did things right and didn’t have your back when you made mistakes, you might have started confusing achievements with love.

    In the same way, if you don’t get enough emotional support and proper care when you are young in general, later in life achievements might become a way to compensate for that; because other people are applauding you and it feels good.

    No matter how hard you work, it will never be good enough for your parents, if it was never good enough in your past. Some problems can’t be solved by only working harder.

    Soon your self-worth gets connected to what you do, not to who you are. That leads to great oscillation in feelings of your self-worth and capacity for self-love. When you achieve something, you feel great about yourself and life, when you don’t win or when you make a mistake, the feeling of your self-worth crashes to zero.

    The tighter the connection between self-worth and achievements, the greater oscillations occur. In a complete extreme, doing any small mistake, like a spelling error or breaking a glass, can immediately make you feel worthless. That kind of a personality characteristic consequently makes you an extremely volatile and labile person.

    You’re valuable for who you are, not what you have

    Unhealthy craving for status can be one type of compensation, greed for money is the other. For emotionally wounded people, money and possessions sometimes seem like the way of filling the void. There are several big problems with that.

    Greed is a bottomless pit which exhausts the person in an endless effort to satisfy the need without ever reaching satisfaction. – Erich Fromm

    The first problem is that net worth fluctuates and consequently your feeling of self-worth also fluctuates. Then we have the problem that there is always someone who has more money than you, and that again provokes your feeling of self-worth. The last problem I would mention among many is that today, you can very easily look rich without actually being rich.

    Seeing your self-worth exclusively through money lenses can drive you to bad financial decisions. People are buying homes, cars and other possessions they can’t afford, often just to feel that they matter. They want to be loved, noticed and seen as capable, and a fancy car seems like the way to get all these things. Obviously it’s not.

    Without money, your life can definitely be miserable. Money is important. You need enough money to live a happy and quality life. You also need status and achievements. But at the same time, focusing on money and achievements too much and putting them way before your health, relationships, integrity and balance leads to poor life choices and misery. Greed is not good.

    You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your fucking khakis. You’re the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world. – Tyler Duren, Fight Club

    enjoying life

    You can’t just be if you’re running away

    There are so many things you can be running away from. Your childhood life and your abusive parents. Disliking parts of your personality. Finding yourself in the same toxic relationship patterns as you had with your parents. Feeling like you were a burden to your parents. Not to mention all the fears known to humankind.

    If you have to run away from a single thing, you can’t just be. You can’t be free. You have to move, you have to go forward, you have to be constantly running. Unfortunately, running away from yourself is like running away from your shadow. No matter how fast and how long you run, you can’t outrun yourself.

    If you want to free yourself, you have to sooner or later confront yourself and your fears.

    You can’t just be if you’re caught in severe negative thoughts and emotions

    How can you just be if you’re thinking the same negative thoughts over and over again? How can you just be if you’re feeling lost in severe negative emotions like anger, guilt or sadness? It’s impossible to be, all you can do is to keep busy and try to work away all the negatives.

    The moment you stop working, the moment you stop being busy, negative thoughts and emotions get louder. How can you then stop for a moment and take a deep breath? Because the moment you start to relax, a monster of negative thoughts and emotions start to hunt you.

    If you’re busy, you’re okay. If you stop, you’re not okay. You have to choose the lesser evil in a way.

    And it’s not only that. All the negative thoughts and emotions have to be directed somewhere. They can be directed inwards, toward self-destructive behavior, or outwards. In the latter case, negative emotions can be the drive to achieve, sometimes even by trampling other people.

    With severe negative emotions and thoughts, you can’t just be. They drive you to do stupid things. They drive you to bully yourself or others.

    You can’t just be if you don’t know how to play

    If you had to become an adult too soon and take responsibilities on your shoulders that your parents should have taken care of, or if you were never allowed to really play and do childish things, or even if you were always overprotected and not able to freely explore and water your curious mind, you might have forgotten how to play as an adult.

    If you can’t play as an adult, you can’t enjoy life. If you don’t know how to really enjoy life, you can’t only be. You have to work, you have to be productive, you have to be responsible. But you also have to be capable of stopping and playing. Fortunately, what you’ve unlearnt you can learn again.

    Sense of control

    Doing gives you a great feeling of control and consequently a feeling of safety. You are the one moving things around when you clean your home. You decide how you will perform a specific task. Maybe you can even completely decide what will be on your to-do list. Doing gives a sense of organization, predictability and control.

    On the other hand, being requires leaving things as they are. Being requires you to not bother with how things could be, to not be afraid of not having control, but accepting things as they are and just being relaxed. It’s hard to accept the chaos of life and world as messy as it is.

    That may bring a sense of uncertainty, insecurity and fear. But the moment you start doing again, you gain control at least to a certain extent. You aren’t just passively enjoying life in all its chaos, you are the one moving things around. You have control. But you have no life.

    On the ego level man expresses himself as a creator, on a body level he is the created. As a creator his focus is upon doing. As a creature his role is simply to be. – Alexander Lowen

    Addiction to adrenaline rushes

    If you had a stressful, anxious childhood full of adrenaline rushes or a longer such period in your adult life, there is a great probability that you got addicted to stress, anxiety and adrenaline kicks. Doing things is a very easy way to cause yourself a lot of stress, anxiety and fire-fighting situations.

    One big reason for overdoing in life instead of enjoying can be that you need drama and other negative feelings, because they are something you got used to as your default mode of operation.

    In such cases, you tend to find work and business relationships that are stressful and bring drama to your life by default. You are the one choosing and co-creating your environment. Build yourself motivational environment, instead of a stressful one.

    working hard

    Finding balance between doing and being

    If you want to live a quality happy life, you have to somehow find balance between doing and being. If your feeling of self-worth is wired completely wrong and if you have extremely low capacities for self-love, professional therapy might be the only way to go.

    But if you need just a little bit of adjusting, there are a few concepts and exercises that might help you find the right balance. These exercises are not quick fixes, you have to practice them regularly and usually things get worse before they can get better; especially because you have to stop running away from yourself.

    I encourage you to start with different exercises, building up your self-worth and self-confidence, and measuring results. If regularly performing exercises (regularly is the key word) doesn’t show any results and you can’t see a better balance in your life, I encourage you to decide for therapy.

    Nobody deserves to live a miserable life.

    Stop running away from yourself

    The first step you can make to go from doing towards being is to stop running away from yourself. You have to stop and start paying more attention to your emotions. Doing this, you may realize that your feelings aren’t as stable and okay as you thought they were.

    Paying more attention to your feelings may show that you’re hurting and trying avoid the pain by being busy. That’s not an easy realization. But sometimes you have to take a step back in order to take two steps forward.

    The best way to start paying attention to your emotions is the happiness index. Build yourself a chart on which you mark how you’re feeling one, two or more times per day. Then examine further what’s causing those feelings. Regularly performing reflection with the happiness index will slowly help you learn to pay attention to yourself and fully focus on yourself.

    Define how much is enough and then go for good enough

    If you want to find a better balance between doing and being, you have to better manage yourself, your time, your emotions and your expectations. One way to do that is by defining very strict limits and going for the good enough.

    The idea behind the concept of good enough is that it’s completely acceptable to be reasonably consistent with your goals and not follow them 100 % of time to complete perfection; because the latter is simply impossible and only makes you unhappy and miserable.

    You don’t need the perfect job, you need a good enough job. You don’t need the perfect spouse, you need a good enough spouse. You don’t need to be filthy rich, you need a good enough financial situation. You don’t have to eat perfectly healthy, your diet must only be good enough. You don’t need the perfect life, you need to fight for a good enough life.

    In a similar way, you can set very strict limits that curb your desire for endless doing. By setting limits, you can very clearly define answers like:

    • How many hours of work per week is a reasonable maximum? The answer should be around 50.
    • How much money do you need in your bank account to feel safe? The answer should be around 6 – 12 of your monthly costs and not drowning in debt.
    • What is the minimum number of hours you deserve per week to just do nothing?
    • When and how is the best way for you to have an hour of power completely for yourself?

    If good enough is good enough, then you don’t have to work so hard. You can relax a little bit.

    Doing is not hard work and being is not lazy

    Our society rewards doing and often sees being as a lazy thing. Laziness and being are not the same thing. And doing is not the same thing as working hard, even less working smart. These are all different categories you mustn’t mix.

    • Being means taking time for yourself, feeling good in your own skin, being able to relax and enjoy and appreciate life, and not connecting your value exclusively to accomplishments.
    • Doing is as important as being. You do it by having an important life mission, providing value, developing your talents and creating. You are here to enjoy life and you are here to create. All in healthy limits.
    • Doing is not being busy. It’s not like the richest people work the most. Doing means working hard and working smart. And also includes knowing when the time comes to rest and recharge.
    • Laziness means that you don’t do things at all. It means overbeing. You’re like a leech, expecting other people to do all the work instead of you. If you aren’t creating value, somebody else has to do it instead of you.

    Being plus action

    There is a nice sublimation you can do to doing. If you really manage to find work you enjoy based on your talents and based on your life vision, life mission and values, and if you find people with whom you love to create value together, you can take doing from doing to being plus action.

    In such a case, you still must take enough time off, you still need to learn how to just be, you still need regular technology detoxes, but you can also be while you do. That is the easiest way for me to just be. Being in action. It’s not completely the same as just being, but it’s close enough.

    In the past, I’ve learnt to not just be busy, but to work smart, have a superior life strategy and follow the concept of being plus action. Now I’m slowly learning to also handle just being.

    Being in action

    Talk back to your inner critic

    Your inner critic is the internalized voice of your parents telling you how nothing is good enough, how you have to try harder, how your accomplishments are nothing, how every mistake is the end of the world, and so on. So you work harder, you try harder, but nothing is ever good enough.

    Your mind can take you to some very dark places. Having constant thoughts that you aren’t doing enough is absolutely such a dark place.

    If you want to enjoy being, you have to constantly talk back to your inner critic. You have to see reality in a clearer way. You have to see that you matter, that you are good enough, that you also deserve to enjoy life and that people can love you for who you are as you are. The way to talk back to your inner critic is with emotional accounting.

    Leave things as they are, relax and just be

    Much like you can get used to the work overload without any margin, stress and not to forget anxiety as a constant in your life, so you can get used to just enjoying life and relaxing.

    You can make the relaxed feeling of being in the present moment a regular constant in your life. You just have to practice it enough. First list different things that you enjoy and make sure they aren’t doing, but just being activities. Usually, they are things considered playing.

    Then regularly timebox playtime and rest-time and technology detox time, and don’t allow work to invade it in any way. Turn off your computer, mobile phone and TV, block any other distractions and just play. Play board games with your kids. Barbecue with your friends. Have a date night with your spouse.

    Enjoying the path

    One destructive concept that might help you stick to overdoing could be saying to yourself, I will enjoy life when … I earn enough money, when I manage to get a better job contract, when I pay off the debt, and so on.

    Usually what happens is that there is always something new that prevents you from enjoying life.

    I understand why people do this, I’ve been there many times. It’s hard to enjoy life if you’re caught in a shitty situation. It’s impossible to relax when you have so much burden hanging over your head. But you can find a way to make things more manageable.

    You can define what you need to do to get out of the worst crisis, and how much time it will take. Then you can slowly start to add being to doing. You can define small “being rewards”, after you innovate your way out of tough life situations by doing or when you reach one of your milestones.

    You have to somehow put yourself in a position where you can enjoy the path while you’re walking, not only think about enjoying life when you reach the goal someday. Because by that time, you may actually be dead.

    You are valuable the way you are

    Being is good. Doing is good. The right balance between the two is the best. Love and work. Work and love. Poor mindset, emotional problems and other psychological issues usually lead to overdoing or overbeing. In the next step, both lead to a poor quality of life, addictions and running away from the true essence – yourself.

    Homework

    It’s not something you asked for, but it’s definitely something you have to deal with. If you’re inclined towards overdoing, there are a few tools you can use to find a better balance. We looked at a few of them, now it’s up to you to apply them into your life. Here they are once again:

    1. Remind yourself over and over again that you matter for who you are, not what you do
    2. Material things are meant to be enjoyed, they are a very poor surrogate for love and for feeling better about yourself
    3. Figure out what you’re running away from and then stop running
    4. Start paying attention to yourself and your feelings with the happiness index
    5. Get used to playing and enjoying life by “forcing” yourself to do it in the beginning
    6. Talk back to your inner critic with emotional accounting
    7. Practice letting go of control and surrendering from time to time
    8. Define strict limits and go for good enough
    9. Don’t see doing as hard work and being as lazy; healthy being has nothing to do with laziness
    10. Find things you enjoy doing in life and practice the concept of being in action, instead of just doing

    It makes no sense to overdo everything to the point of getting attention from the whole world, if in the end you doom your own life. You’re here to be happy, enjoy life, connect, grow and create. That includes doing and being.

    Don’t become your own worst enemy by leaning too much to one side or the other. Choose wisdom instead and make the best out of your life – with being and doing.

  • Stupid decisions that can ruin your whole life in a second

    Your starting point in life matters a lot. You might have been born with good genes or not so good ones. You might have been born in a rich family or a poor one. You might have been raised in a toxic environment or a healthy one.

    These are all things you don’t chose. You didn’t choose your talents, skin color, mother tongue or parents. You didn’t even chose your own name.

    Recalibration of your starting point also matters a lot in life. We can call that kind of recalibrations a stroke of luck that has nothing to do with your effort, or different situations where you gain a lot by investing a fraction of the benefits.

    You win the lottery. Your friend gets a fancy job and hires you, even if your skills don’t match the job. The first person you fall in love with is the perfect fit for you. Recalibrations as your starting point are more or less way out of your control.

    Where you currently are = your starting point + the sum of your past decisions

    You have zero say about where and to whom you are born, and you have no influence on how lucky you will be in your life. Fortunately, there is another part of the equation defining where you are in life – it’s the sum of your past choices.

    No matter where you start, with time good choices lead to a better life and bad choices lead to a low quality of life. You make choices constantly, consciously and unconsciously, and they have a great impact on your life.

    The more you’re aware of your choices, the more control you have over your life and its outcome. Thus one very important job you have in life is to make as many unconscious behavioral patterns as possible, conscious.

    That’s how you move from reactive to proactive agency. You can achieve that by getting to know yourself, self-reflection, analyzing your environment, psychoanalysis and other psychological and analytical tools. You want to be consciously in control of your choices, because that is the greatest power you have in life.

    dont be stupid

    The big impact of decisions on your life

    Your past decisions have had a great influence on where you currently are in life. Your decisions from this moment on will have a great influence on where you will land in the future. In general, we can divide decisions in four ways:

    • Good decisions – smart, healthy, positive ones
    • Bad decisions – stupid, unhealthy, negative ones
    • Big decisions – rare decisions that have a big impact on your life
    • Small decisions – daily or very frequent decisions that have a small impact, but accumulate over time (aka habits)

    You endanger your future by making bad decisions – big and small ones. Big bad decisions are not‑that‑frequent, but very important events that you encounter in your life and have a big influence on your future, where you don’t decide well. You make a bad choice and it has huge negative consequences.

    Here are examples of big bad decisions: You marry the wrong person. You take a big bribe. You cheat. You have a kid when you aren’t ready yet – materially or emotionally. You rob a bank. One big bad decision like that can completely turn your life around and make a mess out of it.

    But you also make daily small decisions every minute or so. They’re called habits. Making daily poor decisions slowly leads to a poor quality of life. Examples of small bad decisions are: You spend more than you earn. You drink alcohol every day. You stuff yourself with fast food daily. You don’t kiss and hug your spouse. You play Solitaire during working hours. You watch TV instead of reading. You go to a job you hate every day.

    Small wrong daily choices accumulate until a big crisis occurs. Remember, what you choose today has an impact on your life forever. Sometimes the sum of small bad choices has even more devastating effects than big bad choices. You have to be careful about the details in your life.

    What you choose today has an impact on your life forever.

    Be an outstanding decision maker

    The biggest power you have in your own hands for your bright future is making smart choices – big and small ones. The smarter choices you make, the better the direction your life is headed in. For a happy and successful life, your smart choices must greatly outweigh the bad ones.

    It all starts with small daily decisions. Habits, as mentioned. Saving money, regularly exercising, minding your diet, expressing love and communicating deeply with the people you love. These are all smart habits that with years lead to an increasingly better quality of life.

    Big smart life decisions are also part of a superior life strategy. Much like big bad decisions can very quickly destroy your life, big smart decisions can improve your quality overnight.

    Examples of big good decisions are: You choose very wisely who to marry. You take smart calculated risks with little downside and huge upside. You’re extremely picky about who you accept as a friend. You consciously decide which is the best place for you to live. You save large sums of money you inherit. And so on.

    Surrounding yourself with the right people, exposing yourself to many opportunities, developing competences that are in high demand and low supply are all examples of good big smart decisions. Together with small good decisions – health habits, they form the most powerful tool for living a quality life.

    Experiences lead to better decision-making

    There is a saying that good decisions are a consequence of experience and experience is a consequence of bad decisions. In other words, you make a mistake, you learn, and next time you make better choices.

    That kind of logic makes complete sense. You always start by being wrong, you’re always wrong before you are right. That way, you develop true wisdom with years.

    There is no other way. You have to fail in life, you have to make mistakes and you always have to try new things, which leads to many missteps. It’s completely okay to fail, it’s completely okay to take smart risks and it’s completely okay to experiment. Sticking only to safe has never led to a successful and happy life. We are made to explore.

    Stupid decisions have nothing to do with failure and learning. Stupid decisions are plain stupid.

    But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t learn and gain experience in a smart way. Stupid decisions have nothing to do with failure and learning. Stupid decisions are plain stupid. You can always tell the difference between a smart risk that didn’t pay off, validated learning based on failure, and a stupid decision.

    You want to be smart about making mistakes. You should make mistakes in a controlled, manageable and risk-reward justifiable way. Last but not least, you want to start making good decisions as soon as possible, because they accumulate over time and accumulation gives you a great unfair advantage, like a good starting point does.

    But now, let’s turn the focus from mistakes to stupid decisions instead.

    stupid decisions

    There are many stupid decisions that can destroy your life in a second

    Stupid decisions are decisions with very small gains and a possible colossal negative impact on your life.

    Stupid decision = high risk, small reward

    They’re the opposite of smart risks, which are risks with a small downside and a huge upside. With stupid decisions, you can destroy your life in a matter of seconds. You do one action that you might regret for the rest of your life.

    Examples of plain stupid decisions are:

    • Driving drunk
    • Jumping into the water without knowing how deep it is
    • Not wearing a safety belt
    • Dangerously driving any kind of vehicle, like speeding and so on
    • Engaging in a physical fight (if you aren’t really protecting yourself)
    • Sleeping with a prostitute or your best friend’s wife
    • Having unprotected sex
    • Cheating on taxes or breaking the law in any other kind of way
    • Taking on a huge debt just to enjoy a lavish lifestyle
    • Travelling to a country with dangerous diseases or war zones
    • Marrying too soon
    • Exposing yourself in an investment you don’t understand
    • Quitting your job without having a strategy of what you will do next
    • Cheating on your exams
    • Having somebody else write your diploma thesis or copying it from somebody else
    • Stealing at your job or cheating at your company in any other way
    • Getting into business with people you don’t know

    All these decisions have small benefits and huge potential damage. By driving drunk you may save some time and a few dollars for a cab, but you can kill yourself and others. Fines are only a small thing in the whole picture.

    Poor choices lead to a poor life with time. Stupid choices can make your life miserable in a second. Maybe sometimes you get away with them. But it needs to happen only once that the downside comes true and then it might take decades or even more of your happy and perspective life away. You can drown in the misery of your own stupid choices. So try to make as few of them as possible.

    Avoid stupid choices like the plague.

    Even if you play your cards smart, accidents never sleep

    We’ve learnt that you want to make as many smart choices as possible and you want to avoid stupid decisions at all costs. But if we are completely honest, you’re only human, you make errors in judgement and accidents never sleep. We all make stupid decisions from time to time. We all encounter misfortune.

    Much like luck strikes you from time to time, in the same way bad things happen to good people every once in a while. Sometimes misfortunate events are entirely not your fault at all, and sometimes they are a consequence of your choices or you have somehow partly influenced the negative outcome.

    It’s a shitty thing that can happen to anyone. When that happens, you don’t want to hide but act as quickly and wisely as possible. You should try to minimize the damage, build rapport with all the damaged parties, apologize, admit, and do whatever it takes to repair the bad choices.

    But there is only so much you can do, and in the end you usually still have to pay the price and live with it. Sometimes the emotional price is the highest.

    Always do a quick calculation of where your choices are leading you

    It’s impossible to thoroughly analyze every single decision’s impact on all of your areas of life and lives of other people. That goes especially for the small decisions, because there are simply too many of them. But you can quickly assess what the potential downsides and upsides are.

    You can quickly analyze what could go wrong and what could go right. You can quickly assess potential dangers that are out of your control. The closer a decision gets to a stupid one, the more it needs to be avoided.

    It’s not about being scared of everything and living life wrapped up in cotton wool. You want to go out, you want to experiment and try new things, you want to experience the diversity of life. But you also want to do everything in a smart way.

    No stupid decisions. Safety first. Protecting the downsides. Never going too far from the learning zone to the panic zone. The bigger the choice, the more calculation it requires. Paying attention to your decisions is absolutely a big part of a superior life strategy.

    Your choices today and tomorrow will have an impact for years in your future; some even for the rest of your life. At the end of the journey, you are more or less where you choose and deserve to be; if we subtract big strikes of luck and misfortune and, to be fair, we also have to consider your starting point.

    At the end of the day, even if not everything is under your control, make sure that the destination your choices will get you to is something you can be proud of.