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  • The power of creative visualization

    Visualization is one of the most widespread tools of popular psychology. Despite being a very popular tool, the general public expresses a lot of scepticism over whether visualization can even have a positive effect on your life.

    So does visualization work? The answer is yes and no, and it depends greatly on the approach of how you start using visualization in practice.

    In this article you will learn:

    • What is visualization and what is so special about it
    • In which cases visualization works and when it doesn’t
    • How you can improve your life with visualization
    • A few additional ideas for how you can take advantage of visualization
    • How I use visualization

    The concept of visualization is pretty simple. You use the power of your imagination to create visions of what you want in life and how you will make them happen. You play a movie (or imagine pictures) in your head of what and how you want something to happen.

    It can be a goal you want to achieve, a performance you want to execute, behavioral changes you want to make, or you can imagine a run-through of a success process you’re following (getting rich, in shape, etc.).

    The main science behind visualization is that the brain has a hard job distinguishing between what really happens in your life and what you imagine. So when you imagine something, you psychologically create new neural connections in your brain, as they would if the thing you imagined really happened to you.

    It’s like having a rehearsal and preparing yourself for performing before it really happens. Not surprisingly, visualization is quite popular in sports, where players imagine how they score and win a game. It’s part of mental preparation.

    Before we go on, let’s look at a very clear picture of how visualization absolutely doesn’t work. This is how many abuse visualization, taking it as a shortcut that doesn’t really exist.

    Something along the lines of: keep laying in front of the TV, imagine how pretty, rich and happy you are, and all of it will happen all by itself, as long as you visualize it strongly enough. It doesn’t work like that. There are no shortcuts in life.

    If you don’t believe me, here’s an experiment you can do. Install some software on your computer that you don’t know how to use. AutoCad or something. Now spend a few days in a row visualizing how you can really master the software without opening it at all. Just visualize hard. After a few days, open your computer, run the software and see what happens.

    Research has also shown that only visualizing without taking action can make you into a daydreamer. It relaxes you; you imagine that you already achieved what you wanted (remember, your brain actually thinks that), so you become demotivated. Yes, visualization can be counter-productive.

    The false hope of a shortcut and visualization without action are two of the most common reasons why visualization is often the subject of ridicule. If nothing else, such an approach violates the basic spiritual and practical guideline that you reap only what you sow.

    If a mental action isn’t supported with a certain physical action, it makes no sense. I haven’t yet met a single person who got fit by watching television with a hamburger in their hand (and visualizing being fit). Quite the contrary, to be fit, you have to invest a lot of energy, time, effort and have iron-clad will.

    So, if you’re hoping visualization will change your life as long as you imagine things in your mind over and over again, the answer is, of course, that it doesn’t work. But visualization can be a strong tool if you use it the right way.

    It’s a tool with which you can change your internal mental processes, but only if you reinforce everything with direct action. In that case, visualization can work. Let’s look at how and what.

    Visualization

    Getting big visions and new ideas through imagination and visualization

    The first necessary thing to mention is the power of your brain. Humans are the only living beings on Earth who can visualize things before they are materialized. You can imagine things that don’t even yet exist in reality. It’s an incredible ability and a way to empower visualization.

    Imagine how the future will look like and then make it happen. Create things you want to have in future.

    This is why Albert Einstein claimed that imagination is more important than knowledge. Everyone has the ability to imagine what has not yet been created as well as the power to create it. It was one of Steve Jobs’ greatest epiphanies.

    Everything that surrounds you and wasn’t created by Mother Nature was created by man. You have the power to do the same, to contribute, to create.

    Before something was created, it was born as an idea or a thought in someone’s head. Someone imagined a solution in their heads and then made it come true.

    And this is also the main mission of every person on this planet: to create (besides enjoying life and becoming the best version of yourself). Every idea is born twice, first in your head, with help of visualization, and then it materializes through work.

    Be like Elon create things

    The first incredible power of visualization is that it helps you think of new ideas. The second, even more important, leverage of visualization is that you can see a vision before it’s reality. You can imagine how the future will look like. Then through actions, you also have the power to make it come true.

    Only individuals with an incredibly strong vision changed the world. The vision has to be so strong that it’s above all the problems you encounter on your way. All problems must become irrelevant when you think of your big vision.

    A good example is Henry Ford who had the vision that the car will be accessible to everyone. Before his vision, the car was only accessible to the richest individuals. And he had the vision that the entire planet will be full of cars. If you look around now, you can see that his vision came true.

    Visualization like that has an additional advantage. You use your own imagination to wipe away the barriers of limiting convictions. If you know lucid dreaming or if you remember any of your wilder and more unusual dreams, you can immediately recall that in the dream world, physical borders don’t apply. When you visualize, you can dream a little bit – without limits.

    I do defend the fact that on our planet, there are laws of physics and not everything is possible. But many barriers are only barriers in your mind. And imagination can help you overcome these barriers. By using visualization to come to a solution, you move things into a different context.

    An example are brothers Wright, who lived only to fly in the skies. Because human beings don’t have wings, they of course can’t fly. But brothers Wright found a solution in a device, and became the first mortals to see the world through a bird’s eye view. This is how you can break down boundaries that humans set for themselves and that often limit you.

    Changing your inner mental state

    Neurolinguistic programming is a branch of psychotherapy that studies how your brain works. With scientific experiments, scientists found out that everyone has a subjective reality map, consisting of different records, whereby internal mental pictures prevail.

    The subjective reality map dictates your response to every situation you encounter in life, but it also forms your convictions. Many times limiting and negative ones.

    What does that mean? For example, two people have an entirely different reaction to meeting a dog. One person immediately runs towards the dog and starts petting it, while the other one carefully moves away.

    Of course the person who moves away either had a bad experience in the past or their parents said that a dog will bite them. Consequently, when they meet a dog, they get a negative picture as a protective survival mechanism and they move away. In this, you have countless situations where your survival isn’t at risk at all, but negative mental patterns that limit your life and luck still exist.

    This is why an incredibly useful power of visualization is the ability to identify negative mental patterns. Visualization can help you identify your inner beliefs and negative internal representations. Here’s an exercise you can do.

    Homework

    Go somewhere where you can be alone, connect with yourself, pay close attention to your reactions and then: vividly imagine that you go to an ATM to check your balance and you have 1,000,000€ on your account. Then imagine that you’re speaking in front of 10,000 people. Thirdly, imagine that you are perfectly fit, with well-developed muscles. Finally imagine that by your side is a partner who is truly physically attractive.

    Now it’s time to be honest. Did any of the mentioned ideas make you feel a bit uncomfortable when you imagined them? Maybe only a little, somewhere deep inside you. If we take money, for example, and a potential inner dialogue:

    I can’t possibly have that much money on my account, I’m always in the red. Or, this is really a lot of money, 10,000€ maybe, but not more. Maybe you only got a slightly uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your stomach.

    What is happening? Everyone has countless acquired negative patterns that prevent you from realizing all your potential (together with negative inner representation, often in shape of photos).

    Somewhere deep down is hiding a sincere wish that’s covered with a lot of negativism that you obtain during primary and secondary socialization and through the media.

    If you really want something (something positive, of course) and get a bad feeling thinking about it, that means that you have negative patterns that you need to get rid of.

    As long as you have a negative picture of a certain thing and as long as 1,000,000€ on your account, for example, releases a wave of feelings such as: I don’t deserve that, rich people are corrupt, I come from a poor family etc., you will diligently avoid such a state with all your actions. So the possibility of that thing coming true in your life is zero or at least very close to zero.

    Until you believe, deep down inside, that you can’t achieve something, you will not work in that direction. Even if you did achieve it, you’d feel uncomfortable and make sure that you’d lose it quite quickly (check lottery winners statistics for that). A positive belief usually also means positive internal representations on your subjective map of reality and a positive feeling associated with it.

    This is how we come to the most important leverage of using visualization. By visualizing different feelings in a certain situation you want (by imagining a positive photo or a movie), you can change your internal state (your beliefs). It’s how visualization can help you do an identity shift – with a combination of visualization, action and enforcing new beliefs and behavioral patterns.

    If you don’t only imagine that you have 1,000,000€ on your account but also that you deserve such an amount, that you feel great being rich and how you will come to this kind of money, your internal reality map will change. And you will make an identity shift. You’ll see yourself as a wealthy person. And you’ll feel good about it. Only once you accept something inside can that thing also materialize, never before. And as mentioned many times before, you have to take action besides dealing with your internal state.

    The outside always mirrors the inside.

    So visualization is an incredibly powerful tool. If visualization changes your internal reality map from negative imaginings to positive ones, your thoughts will also change, which will consequently change your actions and this will lead to a different result.

    Thus, visualization supported by actions that stem from your will to do something for the quality of your life can have an incredibly positive effect on you reaching your goals.

    This is why many different fields of life have successful stories from people who helped themselves with visualization. A successful sales meeting, an incredible performance in front of a public, a winning match, a new successful company, and so on. Michael Jordan, Muhammad Ali, many successful people used visualization as one of their success tools.

    Life experiment ideas

    Here are a few best ways of practising visualization:

    Visualization as a morning or evening habit

    When you wake up or when you go to sleep (as part of your morning or evening habits) visualize a goal you want to achieve or how you perform in a certain situation or how you change your habits. Envision yourself physically in action, and use all of your senses.

    When you do it, you also have to feel positive emotions. That is a must. See yourself achieving what you want and how good you feel about it. If you feel bad about it in the beginning (like “I can never achieve that”), practice more and with time, your feelings will change. You wouldn’t believe it.

    Vision board

    Visualizing as many things in life as possible (to-do lists, schedules, workflows, prototypes, etc.) can dramatically increase your personal productivity. It’s part of the Kanban theory and practice. In the same way, you can also visualize your goals by having a vision board.

    You simply hang a wooden board on a wall where you can see it as often as possible, and you put photos of things that represent success to you on that board. When you pass by the board you stop, and you visualize yourself achieving all the things you have on your board. One by one. With actions and positive emotions.

    Maybe you can also use Pinterest for that if you have too many goals, but it probably won’t work as effectively.

    Changing your internal representations

    Imagine something that you fear, a person or a situation like public speaking. Now think of it and try to identify what kind of an internal picture you have as a representation of that fear. Your representational image is probably scary or dark.

    Try to change that image. If you’re afraid of your boss, for example, your internal image may be one of how s/he yells at you. Now create a picture of your boss being happy and kind to you. Or how you stand up to your boss or aren’t scared. Or him or her on a toilet. Play with it. Exchange the dark picture with a new one. Mentally, like you would with photo-editing software.

    Your boss won’t miraculously change, but changing your internal representation may help you manage your fear better and become more self-confident and proactive.

    As a bonus, here are some creative ideas for using creative visualization as an experiment:

    • Think of an unhealthy food you can’t avoid. Now imagine how its taste sucks, over and over again. Do it for a month and see what happens. And don’t eat it while you do it.
    • Take one of your worst personality traits. Like anger issues or being late. Now imagine how you react calmly when somebody pisses you off. Think of a person who pisses you off the most and imagine reacting calmly.
    • Imagine believing the opposite. Think of one of your strong political, religious, sexual or cultural one. Or a belief about yourself. Maybe even something that limits you a lot. Like believing you aren’t good with computers. Now imagine your life having an opposite belief or thinking the opposite about yourself. How does your life look like? What are you afraid of? Play with it.
    • Face your fears. What are the top 3 irrational fears you have? Public speaking, talking to the opposite gender, asking for a raise. Imagine doing it over and over again in your head. See what happens.

    Expect good

    Visualization and spirituality

    When speaking of visualization, you can also stray into slightly more spiritual spheres. I agree that this is incredibly shaky ground. But my work is based on the thought that it’s necessary to try as many things as possible and then keep those that benefit and work for you, and get rid of those that don’t hold any value added. I also believe it’s my duty to mention these things.

    My experience from a more spiritual perspective is kind of that you do not get a single wish without also getting the power to make it come true. When you want something strongly enough, situations also start unfolding in such a direction that things come true.

    One part can, of course, be explained with the previously mentioned facts. When you want something strongly enough and you start working in that direction, your new actions lead to a new result.

    But it often happened to me that even without any action, my environment changed so that I was able to realize my vision more easily. I’m not talking about any miracles, but about simple and practical things. The outside always mirrors the inside.

    Let me give you a few examples. I thought of a new project and started meeting people who helped me. For example, when I decided to start writing this blog and was making the first steps in that direction, a lot of things started unfolding all on their own.

    And it has happened to all of us that we thought about someone after a long time and then met that person or got a phone call from them.

    After a lot of similar experiences, I don’t believe in coincidences anymore. I’m closer to believing that life, the universe, God or whoever you want, support you in your wishes. If you truly want something and if you also start working in that direction, things start happening.

    It feels like visualization has the power to change your inner vibrations and to start radiating your new course to the universe. When you share your new vibrations with the World, the right people, ideas, knowledge, and situations can come into your life.

    Sometimes support even comes in the shape of new challenges as a test, so that it becomes clear if you truly want something or not, and sometimes it means meeting the right people, coming to the right place at the right time. When the student is ready, the teacher appears.

    The main takeaways

    Here are the main takeaways:

    • Visualization doesn’t work if you want to employ it as a shortcut to success.
    • Visualization isn’t about fantasizing how you can achieve something without any effort and without overcoming obstacles. You have to be careful that you don’t only daydream, but also take action.
    • With visualization, you can get to know yourself better and unravel your inner beliefs (imagine something and observe how you feel).
    • Visualization can help you make an identity shift to see yourself differently (imagine something for so long that you start to feel it as part of yourself).
    • You can use visualization as a kind of rehearsal to boost your self-confidence by clearly imagining an outcome you want and how you will perform to achieve it.
    • Visualization can help you adjust your inner state to a new vibrational level and attract the right people and opportunities in your life. And when you expect good, good things do happen to you.

  • Anti-Kaizen

    You can find a lot of information about Kaizen, the basic Kaizen rules as well as more specialized Kaizen rules for teams on this blog. Now let’s look at the same topic from a slightly different perspective. Let’s talk about the so-called Anti-Kaizen. It’s a toxic mindset and includes all the limited beliefs that prevent any kind of improvement and progress.

    Before we go to Anti-Kaizen, make sure you remember all the Kaizen rules. The best thing you can do is to download and print the rules and stick them to a visible place in your home or your office. When stuck, look at the list, read the rules, and you will refocus your brain on the path towards the solution, and hopefully stop feeling sorry for yourself. It’s the best way to avoid any kind of Anti-Kaizen behaviour.

    You can download the documents here:

    [sociallocker]

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    Now let’s go to the most frequent Anti-Kaizen beliefs.

    Negative beliefs that prevent any improvements

    There are 13 quite frequent beliefs and toxic behaviors that prevent any kind of progress and improvement. You’ll find that kind of behavior in many toxic and unproductive environments, where the status quo is the only constant; and most people in an organization like that are nothing but zombies. Well, even the status quo is only a mirage, because if you aren’t going forwards, you’re going backwards. There is no status quo in the long run.

    Here they are, Anti-Kaizen beliefs and situations:

    1. Lying to yourself
    2. Victim mindset and being stuck in an emotional cage
    3. “There’s no need for improvement” mindset
    4. Lack of time
    5. Firefighting and enjoying adrenalin rushes and dramas
    6. Lack of confidence in self and others and lack of courage
    7. You want to change others, not yourself
    8. Getting in trouble for failing or pointing out the problems
    9. Not following up on ideas
    10. Giving up too quickly
    11. Solving problems with additional administration
    12. Hoping that others will do it for you and waiting for better times
    13. Jumping to solutions too quickly

    Lying to yourself

    If you lie to yourself about where you are, there is no need for improvement. Many times, we like to picture ourselves or even the world as a whole in a much more beautiful scenario than it actually is (or, in some cases, much worse than it is, if the necessary improvement is to relax, for example). But in general, people are very indulgent towards themselves, lying where they really stand, and great critics towards others.

    • You can lie to yourself that you live healthy just because you regularly use olive oil
    • You can easily lie to yourself by only looking rich and not really being rich
    • You can lie to yourself about how productive you are every day, but in reality only work a few hours on the things that matter most
    • You can lie to yourself that your job is pretty okay, but in reality you suffer a lot and so on

    If you want to make any improvements in your life or in any organization, you first have to know where you are. And be extremely honest about it. Today, that’s quite simple with all the data available. Never lie to yourself. Always be honest and seek the truth. Know where you are and where you want to go. Then start improving yourself or an organization step by step. For example, don’t only look rich, actually be rich.

    Don't Lie To Yourself

    Victim mindset and being stuck in an emotional cage

    The victim mindset is one of the most common reasons why people get stuck and never start improving themselves, their life situation and the environment around them. It’s very easy to blame others, from your parents to the government, market trends, life in general, and so on. And many times, you have every right to do so.

    But it doesn’t help anyone. Whining, bitching, complaining and feeling sorry for yourself never bring results, improvements or more happiness, only more sorrow. You only live once and if being stuck in an emotional cage is preventing you from improving and growing, start dealing with your past, your emotions and all the cognitive distortions. It’s the best option you have, no matter how difficult your past was.

    There is always a move you can make in your life towards a better position. After you stop being a victim and take full responsibility for your future, you will easily find a move you can make. Don’t be a victim, take control over your life once and for all, and start improving. If you focus on problems, you’ll only get more problems in life, and if you focus on solutions, positive things will start happening to you.

    “There is no need for improvement” mindset

    You can have a growth mindset or a fixed mindset. If you have a fixed mindset, you assume things are as they are and there’s nothing you can do about it. If you believe that there’s no need or no room for improvement, you won’t improve. Why would you?

    Nevertheless, studies show that a growth mindset is one of the top personality traits of successful people. The most successful people constantly improve, even when they’re on top; because there is no top. In addition to that, the organizations that constantly learn and improve are the ones that are winning in business.

    The conclusion is therefore pretty simple. If you want to be successful in life, you need to grow, you need to evolve and you need to constantly improve. It’s one of the reasons why you’re here on this planet.

    “I/We have always done it like that” is the most evil sentence ever.

    Lack of time

    Many times, people work so hard that they don’t even take the time to look around and analyze if they’re digging the right hole. Until it’s too late. A lack of time should never be an excuse for not brainstorming and implementing improvements. You always have to work smart as well.

    Therefore, the AgileLeanLife Productivity Framework has three levels of planning – the strategic, tactical and operational level. You have to see the woods and you have to see all the trees. You must always take enough time to plan and make improvements in where you go and how you do things on all three levels.

    There is a very simple test that shows your speed of improvement. How many things are you doing differently now than you did six months ago? If the answer is none and you’re only working hard the same way you did half a year ago, because you don’t have the time to improve your working methods, it’s time to change something.

    If necessary, make sure that your first improvement is that you start dealing with improvements at all.

    Firefighting and enjoying adrenalin rushes and dramas

    People who are prone to deadline adrenaline rushes and dramas in relationships rarely take the time to stop and analyze how to improve. The frequent reason for that is the existence of an internal conflict. Improvements take away the drama, unproductive adrenaline rushes and other toxic behaviors. And you simply can’t focus on improvements if you need to feed your emotional monsters.

    An important part of improving yourself is to become happier and more satisfied, productive, relaxed etc. Firefighting and playing a drama queen means going in the opposite direction. The solution is simple. If there is any kind of drama, anxiety and constantly chasing deadlines in your personal or company culture, it’s time to start improving fast.

    Not to be too extreme, everyone finds themselves in such a situation from time to time, but if it’s a part of the culture or how a person operates and it happens more often than not, then that is big Anti-Kaizen behavior.

    Lack of confidence in self and others and lack of courage

    As I mentioned many times, it’s not easy to implement new changes, even if they are positive ones. We are all afraid of change on the biological level. Nevertheless, you simply need the courage to face your fears and start improving. The first step is to have more confidence in self and others.

    Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will. In the same way, doubt kills more improvements than failure ever will. Skepticism, cynicism, excessive sarcasm, drama, negativity, indecisiveness etc., they all kill creativity and potential for improvements. Believe in yourself and believe in people around you. There is nothing to doubt about, to be honest. Your growth and personal improvements (or the improvements of family or company culture) are the best possible investments.

    Improve Or Not To Improve
    To improve or not to improve?

    You want to change others, not yourself

    As cliché as it sounds, change always begins with you. First you have to understand (system, process, environment, relationships, history etc.), then you have to ignite the spark in yourself with a great vision and a powerful mission and only then change and adjust yourself to the right vibration in coherence with the system to start influencing other people and implementing change.

    Implementing change is always a carefully and surgically orchestrated process that starts with changing yourself and adjusting your actions to face the least resistance from environmental forces.

    Why do you have to change yourself first? Well, it’s easy to blame others. It’s easy to see flaws. It’s much harder to come up with good solutions. It’s even harder to analyze the system and pull the right moves to implement a change step by step in a very non-invasive way. Everyone wants to change the environment, shape it more to their liking, but nobody wants to change themselves first. But that’s the only place where the change really begins.

    Before you can start implementing change, you have to find common ground with the environment and then build on it. To find the common ground, you have to first change yourself.

    Getting in trouble for failing or pointing out the problems

    If you judge others when they fail or make a mistake, you’re doing a very Anti-Kaizen thing. But there’s a catch. Usually people never openly criticize failure, of course. They do it with gossip, silence, sarcasm, mockery or some other type of intolerant emotional behavior. That kind of behavior means people get in trouble for failing and making mistakes.

    A whole different thing is if you show curiosity for why something didn’t work, if you’re interested in what has been learnt and in the new ideas for how improvements could be made. Because Kaizen people have to feel emotionally secure and not be afraid to fail and make mistakes. You show people that it’s okay to fail with words and emotions.

    Make sure people don’t get in trouble if they show you the problems or if they fail when trying something new. It means they care and that they have the willpower and probably many good additional ideas for what to try.

    If you get in trouble for failing or showing the problems, explain to your boss what the Kaizen philosophy is and how it can help the organization. Try to find a way for moving the system towards the philosophy of constant improvement. But if it’s not worth your energy, if you don’t care enough, find a different system that will appreciate your ideas and suggestions, and vice-versa, a system where you will really care and have the power to test and implement new ideas.

    Not following up on ideas

    Ideas are a dime a dozen. Testing ideas and executing the best ones is pure gold. For implementing change, you simply have to be a doer, not only a talker. You must have a culture of immediate implementation and execution. Not following up on ideas is one of the most Anti-Kaizen things you can do besides having a victim mindset.

    There are several reasons why there’s usually no follow up on ideas. Either the ideas are too complex or completely unreachable, or there are strong emotional issues that block the implementation. Going back to basic Kaizen rules and having an honest conversation is the best cure for a situation like that.

    Giving up too quickly

    Implementing change is no easy task. It not only takes motivation and creativity, but also a lot of patience and a long-term view. Changing the culture of an organization can take years, for example. In reality, implementing change is not very different from going on a diet. You have to work hard and make sacrifices now, for benefits that are far far away; while eating sweets gives you instant gratification and the punishment in excessive fat and bad health seems far away. That’s why it’s so hard to go on a diet.

    The reason why it’s so hard to implement any change is the same. Because you have to put in the effort now for results and benefits you will enjoy sometime in the future. But if you stay in the status quo, you don’t have to put in any effort and the punishment comes sometime in the far-away future.

    With time, the hard road becomes easy and the easy road becomes hard. So you must have a long-term view for every change you plan to implement. Never give up too quickly. Even when you lose motivation, remember that tomorrow is a new day to start over. And don’t overestimate what you can achieve in a few months and don’t underestimate what you can achieve in a few years.

    Solving problems with additional administration

    Many times, when we identify the root problem, additional administration in the process seems like the right solution; but in reality, it rarely is. If you take that kind of an approach, you can soon find yourself drowning in paperwork and everything becomes counterproductive. Never let additional administration be your best solution, you can always find better solutions than additional paperwork.

    Let’s get back to a practical example of the 5 Whys technique and how it can help you focus on the process that was presented in the Kaizen rules for teams. It’s very simple: you describe the problem and start asking yourself “why”.

    • The vehicle will not start. (the problem)
    • Why? The battery is dead. (first why)
    • Why? The alternator is not functioning. (second why)
    • Why? The alternator belt has broken. (third why)
    • Why? – The alternator belt was well beyond its useful service life and not replaced. (fourth why)
    • Why? – The vehicle was not maintained according to the recommended service schedule. (fifth why, the root cause)

    After the last “why” and discovering core problem, one of your first solution may be, let’s add a checklist or some other form of paper to the process. Or an engineer should sign dozens of forms on what s(he) has done, and so on. Many times, our initial ideas include additional bureaucracy, who knows why. But that’s rarely the right solution.

    Hoping that others will do it for you or waiting for better times

    An interesting thing can happen. When markets go up, they can solve many problems so you don’t have to improve at all. Or sometimes you get a rock star in your team who solves many of your problems and, again, you don’t have to improve. Sometimes a few problems die on their own. It can happen, problems can be magically solved without you making any improvements.

    But hoping that others will implement changes and improvements instead of you, or waiting for better times that will take care of everything makes no sense at all. Because sooner or later, new challenges will come and afterwards, you may be in an even worse position. The main idea of improvements is that you become better and more competent and capable. You want to develop abilities to tackle problems better, provide more value, and so on. Inner assets or competence, if you want, are one of the most powerful securities you can have in life.

    It’s also one of the reasons why you’re here on this planet. You don’t want to be deprived of the feeling of satisfaction when you win a battle with yourself and change to a better version of you. The feeling is awesome.

    Jumping to solutions too quickly

    Jumping to conclusions without any real proof is one of the cognitive distortions that happens to people very often. Jumping to solutions too quickly, without any testing, experimenting and measuring, is what often prevents real change to the better. It’s not that hard to come up with a solution or ideas for what to do. But it’s usually quite hard to come up with a solution that works and can be realistically implemented with sustainable effects.

    You need a systematic and scientific approach to implementing improvements. You need to measure your progress. You need to use real data, not just your hunches and intuition. Just coming up quickly with a solution and thinking that you’ve done your job is definitely an Anti-Kaizen approach; after all, you’re breaking rule number one of not lying to yourself.

    You must not wait for the perfect timing or the perfect solution when implementing improvements, but on the other hand, acting without thinking is damaging as well.

    The key takeaway

    The roots of Anti-Kaizen behavior lie in either the wrong mindset or toxic emotional behavior. Therefore, you have to deal with both of them – mindset and emotions. Rationally, you have to see constant improvement as the common sense you simply have to follow in order to achieve your peak performance. That’s usually the easy part of the equation.

    The emotional part is much harder. But there is no other way than to work on more self-confidence, facing your fears with courage and dealing with laziness and procrastination or whatever holds you back from becoming the best version of yourself. Sometimes playing it safe is no different from being locked in a safe. Upgrade your mindset, face your fears and start improving yourself.

    Kaizen rules!

  • The Skyscraper Technique to skyrocket your success

    AgileLeanLife Framework is not only about implementing agile development and lean startup techniques into your personal life to increase productivity and be more successful. It’s also about other good business practices that can take your performance and quality of life to the next level. So let’s look at quite a popular technique from internet marketing that you can also use in different areas of your life. It’s called the Skyscraper technique.

    The Skyscraper technique in content marketing suggests that you find a good piece of content from your competitor or somewhere else (the so-called linkable asset), you make it multiple times better and share it with the right people. It’s in human nature to be attracted to the best, and if you make a better piece of content, people will rush straight to your website.

    It’s in human nature to be attracted to the best. So be the best in what you do.

    Your content must really be multiple times better in order for the technique to work. You must create content so good and useful that people can’t help but share it, link it and recommend it to other people. You have to produce the best piece of content on a specific topic ever. You shouldn’t just copy, paste and improve a content slightly. You should take the content to a completely new level.

    There are many ways how you can do that. You can make the content longer, more up-to-date, you can add videos, templates, checklists, you can design it better, you can make content more thorough or relevant. There are numerous options for taking the content to a completely new level.

    After you prepare and publish your piece of content, you share it with people who already showed interest in the topic on other sites, where the content you decided to improve had been published. There’s a great chance people will be interested in your improved version, will use and share it. Because they already showed interest in the topic before. It’s simple math.

    The main problem with the Skyscraper technique in internet marketing is that it works best if you already have an authority domain and a trusted site. It never gives very good results to newbies and they’re the ones who are often disappointed. Because you first need strong foundations and then a lot of persistence in order for the strategy to work. You can’t just build a skyscraper over night.

    The Skyscraper idea in content marketing is not something new, it’s a very well-known technique ever since business world exists. Many people get their business idea by looking at some product or service and improving it somehow. There are so many ways for how to do it. You can make it bigger or smaller, faster or lighter, cheaper or based on a different business model, and so on.

    If you’d like to start your own business, this may be a great way to start. Find a product or service that already works and brainstorm on how to take it to the next level. With all the competition today, making a product slightly better is rarely enough. You have to make it a gazillion times better. But if you can’t imagine something that doesn’t exist yet at all (usually disruptive technologies), this may be a good way to start.

    The Skyscraper Tehnique

    The Skyscraper technique in your personal life

    You can also use the Skyscraper technique in your personal life very well. The idea is pretty simple. You go straight for the best knowledge in a certain life area you want to improve. Then by experimenting, trying, brainstorming, connecting new patterns, thinking outside the box and forgetting best practices (in the search mode), you make it several times better.

    It’s not as easy as it sounds, of course. You have to set strong foundations first. You have to become extremely passionate about something. You have to brutally focus yourself and push through all the obstacles and C.R.A.P. – criticism, rejections, assholes and pressure. But this is how you make rapid improvements in life and level up your game. It may take years to build a skyscraper and you can do it only with a long-term view in mind.

    This is how legacies are built. You find a drastically better way of doing something, implement it into your own life and share it with others. You make it a new standard on the market.

    Look at the problems you have in life, the goals you want to achieve, the causes you want to fight for. Health, wealth, poverty, love, technology, internet content, you name it. There are so many problems in your personal life and in the world in general that you can solve way better than how they’re currently solved. Analyze and study all current solutions. Commit yourself to making a solution that’s a gazillion times better. Use every single brain cell to come up with the most creative solutions possible.

    Well, you can also use the Skyscraper technique in a less revolutionary way. You can simply build an adjusted or updated solution for your own problems, systems and processes that work better for you personally and share it with other people. Who knows, maybe you’ll get the first follower, the second one, and then a little tribe that will use your own formula for success. It’s a total win-win, you will dramatically improve your life, help other people and maybe even get rich by sharing it.

    Practical examples

    Let’s look at a few practical examples.

    Do you want to lose weight? Study the most popular dieting and exercising techniques, test them, find where the main problems are, find better solutions, implement them into your life and then share them with others (for money or not, as you wish).

    Do you want to be an exceptional investor? Study all other successful investors, different investment strategies, find the things that work for you and meet you targeted ROI, and then teach others with the same or similar investing mindset how to do it. Or just enjoy your yields.

    Do you want to have better relationships? Despite all the books on how to have a good partnership, an average relationship is still more of a relationsh*t. Sit down and agree with your spouse that you will analyze all the current recommendations, test them, invent new ones and make the best guideline for couples on how to effectively communicate. You will have a better relationship, you will have lots of fun and you can actually influence millions of people with your findings.

    Do you want to start your own business? As already mentioned, think of all the products and services you could make a gazillion times better. Go to your garage and start prototyping. Start creating, testing, experimenting, talking to your potential customers and so on.

    Are you pissed off after reading an article or a comment on the internet? Well, write a detailed and argumented analysis that will be eye-opening for people, and present a whole new different perspective on something. Much better than posting hateful comments.

    Whatever you want to achieve, think of the current best practices and how things could be done better. In some cases a little better, in others a gazillion times better. Forget best practices. There’s no such thing as a good practice, only things to innovate and do better. And you have all the needed creative and mental capacity to do it better.

    Whatever you want to achieve, study biographies, different strategies, talk to the smartest and most successful people, and then forget about best practices. Test, experiment, learn and find a gazillion better way to do something. Of course, you have to do it in a smart, scientific and systematic way. It’s not an easy task. But it’s a definitely a way and a mindset that can contribute a lot to your life and to the world.

    Start building your own skyscrapers!

  • Personal Infostructure

    Infostructure is a system and a process of how you consume, manage and share information. In the creative society, a quality infostructure has become as important as a quality infrastructure. What you feed your mind with matters a lot. A quality (good) infostructure will help you become more creative, competent and resourceful. A bad infostructure, on the other hand, is the biggest time waster ever, killing your creative potential, making you into an obedient consumer and a zombie – something that you definitely don’t want to become, but may happen if you don’t put any effort into building an outstanding infostructure for yourself.

    What you will learn

    In this post, you will learn about the following key things:

    • The difference between infrastructure and infostructure
    • Why infostructure is as important as infostructure in the creative economy
    • Why infostructure is like fire when it comes to technological advancement; nothing more than a tool with which you can either cook yourself dinner or burn yourself badly, depending on how you use it
    • How infostructure can lower the quality of your life by killing your creative potential, turning you into a consumer and a zombie
    • How bad infostructure can become the biggest time waster ever and how to avoid that
    • How you can build yourself an outstanding infostructure that will help you be incredibly more resourceful, creative and competent
    • How I built my own outstanding infostructure and how you can do it as well

    Infrastructure vs. Infostructure

    You probably know what infrastructure is and even if you don’t, you definitely use it all the time. Infrastructure are the basic physical and organizational structures and facilities needed for the operation of a society, be it a country, state, city, county or even enterprise. The main parts of an infrastructure are buildings, roads, power supplies, utilities, sanitary systems, and so on.

    There’s definitely a big correlation between well-developed infrastructure and efficient productivity. Without sufficient infrastructure, the society is bogged down with higher operating costs, structural production problems and everyday frustrations, consequently suffering from a big competitive disadvantage, especially on the global markets. There’s no doubt that better infrastructure means a better quality of life, higher productivity and efficiency, and generally a better environment for business.

    I’m sure you pay a lot of attention to where you live, how you organize your home and your office, what car you drive, how far away your favorite facilities, like shops, are etc. You definitely want to have electricity, water and other housing supplies all the time.

    With all the loans, mortgages, rents, housing and transportation costs, you probably spend an extensive proportion of your paycheck for the infrastructure you use (your private and public part of the infrastructure). It’s logical that you do, because a better infrastructure brings a better quality of life, it helps you create more value for the markets, and so on. With a bigger paycheck, people often first invest into better infrastructure.

    But we live in the creative economy and post-information age, where is not only infrastructure that’s important. In developed countries, adequate infrastructure is more or less taken care of. So infrastructure isn’t as important as it used to be for competitive advantage and success. You can see that very well in the business world. The best businesses don’t compete with better facilities, plants, equipment and manufacturing machines anymore. The best businesses today compete with creativity, innovation, intellectual property and new business models.

    You’ve probably heard that Uber, the world’s largest taxi company, owns no vehicles. Facebook, the world’s most popular media owner, creates no content. Alibaba, the most valuable retailer, has no inventory. And Airbnb, the world’s largest accommodation provider, owns no real estate.

    If the competitive advantage of a business can fall on the CEO’s toes, it’s not real competitive advantage in the creative economy.

    In developed countries, you can rent infrastructure when you need it and as much of it as you need it. In some cases, all you need is a laptop and a good connection to the internet, and you can compete on the global markets. Don’t get me wrong. Infrastructure is very important. It’s hard to be creative if your toilet isn’t working, if it takes you hours to get to the office or if you’re freezing in your apartment. But in today’s world, creativity, innovation and information are as important, if not even more important, than outstanding infrastructure if you want to compete, create, deliver and capture (make money) as much value as possible.

    Your Personal Infostructure

    What do I really mean by personal infostructure?

    If in the contemporary creative economy, innovation and information are as important for creating value as infrastructure is, one of your key competitive advantages is a system and a process of how you consume, manage and share information. That’s your personal infostructure.

    Infostructure is a system and a process of how you consume, manage and share information.

    The main idea of a good infostructure is that you acquire as much knowledge as possible as quickly as possible. Knowledge is nevertheless an important part of your competence level. Knowledge means knowing a certain field. It means you have a complete set of information that you imprinted into your consciousness. And you can do things with it – you can create and deliver value. A good infostructure also helps you continuously acquire knowledge. It’s called life-long learning based on an informal education.

    Even more. Good infostructure definitely contributes to your creativity. Creativity is nothing but the ability to perceive the world in new ways, find hidden patterns, make connections between seemingly unrelated phenomena, and generate solutions. With more information and knowledge, you can more easily connect the dots never before connected . The more right information and knowledge you have (depth, complexity, interdisciplinary …), the more creative and “aha” moments you can have in your life. Because you see connections others can’t see. Because they lack the same combination of knowledge.

    Knowledge is power, there’s no doubt about it (actually, applying knowledge is power, but more about that later). Good infostructure means more knowledge, and more knowledge means more power. That’s why you should pay a lot of attention to your personal infostructure if you want to be successful in life. Good infrastructure as part of the outer assets (money, status etc.) is simply not enough anymore. You also need lots of inner assets (competences), and a superior infostructure can help you with that.

    But there’s one big trick regarding infostructure. The society (with market demand) has already built one for you; much like it has also built most of the infrastructure. With one big difference, which is that the purpose of the public infostructure is to program you into an obedient and stupid consumer. That’s why I call it bad infostructure, the one you’re pushed into by default.

    Bad personal infostructure

    As I mentioned, bad infostructure is unfortunately the one that society has already built for you. More than 99 % of people probably use this default infostructure regularly, which consequently heavily contributes towards to living unhappy, average or even zombie lives. If you do what other people do, you get what other people have; and that’s usually an average life. And you don’t want that. So what is the default bad infostructure that society has built for you? Well, there are a few core media used in the default infostructure that are programing you into an obedient consumer. In addition to that, they more or less help you only with mental masturbation and are big time wasters. Here they are:

    Television and radio

    TV is nothing but a “multimedia ad player”, since you more or less only watch ads that are programming you into a good consumer. The content is usually no better than ads. Reality shows, watching other people play sports, watching people who live the life you probably want to live, be it the leading superheroes in a movie, saving the world, or the main actors themselves having fun filming and making millions. You’re obviously on the wrong side of the screen.

    Here’s another trap. Maybe you haven’t turned on the TV for decades and you can tell yourself that you don’t watch it. But on the other hand, you still watch movies and TV shows, just not on the TV. We know video on demand now, we have Netflix, iTunes etc. Or you can even go to the movie theater too often. So you don’t have to sit in front of the TV to watch “TV”.

    It’s pretty much the same with channels like Discovery, History and other “educational” channels or even MTV. They play nothing but semi-reality or reality TV shows. You either watch other people travelling, cooking, exploring or doing other amazing things or, on the other hand, you watch them get humiliated in front of a few judges and thousands of people so you can feel a little bit better about yourself. No thanks.

    Don’t get me wrong. A good movie or an episode of a TV show can be very relaxing from time to time. And we all need some relaxation; we aren’t robots. But spending hours and hours in front of the TV watching commercials is definitely not the life you want to live. Wake up.

    Radio is not much different from TV. You listen to thousands and thousands of commercials and stupid talk shows. You maybe hear a song you like once a day, after listening to hours of useless content. On the main radio stations, you can listen to the same bad news every half hour (it’s like it’s really programing you to be negative), and most interviews and discussions have zero valuable content and are only there to entertain the masses. I don’t remember the last time I heard something useful on the radio. And if you want to listen to music, you have iTunes and other music streaming services.

    News (print, online) and most magazines

    The daily news gives you a sense of connection with the world as well as a sense of urgency and importance. You feel like you’re in the flow of global happenings. In addition to that, we’re all prone to drama in life, from the evolutionary point of view. Drama and negative information raise your adrenalin levels and make you feel more alive. They make you feel like you’re running from a virtual tiger. Something important is happening, you better pay attention. Not. Most news pieces are negative because your mind loves negative information. You don’t want to fill your mind with negative information. It will only bring the negative into your life.

    You can’t live a positive life, with a negative mind. You can’t have positive mind if you constantly consume negative information.

    Additionally, news is history. It already happened. You have zero influence on that. And everybody reads it, so it brings zero competitive advantage into your life. Even if you spend hours and hours catching up on tech news, startup news or whatever, the value added of that kind of information is really low. If you want to co-create the future, you need to empty your mind, make some creative free time, read some heavily useful stuff or level up your skills and focus on your goals. Only your goals, nothing else. No drama.

    The good thing (somehow, I guess) is that you don’t have to worry at all: even if you unsubscribe yourself from all the news, the most “important” (the most negative or shocking) news will definitely reach you sooner or later. Because everybody shares it, 99 % of people are little beacons of negative information.

    On mobile phone

    Social networks

    Social networks have become an important part of our lives. People spend hours and hours on social networks. For most people, it’s extremely hard to escape from being on the most popular social networks. This means at least Facebook and Twitter, but I can probably also add Tumblr, Pinterest, Instagram and many others to the list. It won’t get any better in the future. There will be even more websites fighting for your time and attention.

    Now ask yourself honestly, will hours and hours of looking at pictures of what your friends and acquaintances are doing really help you progress in life? Definitely not. And to be realistic, Facebook and other social networks aren’t even close to showing the real lives that people are living. People are only posting beautiful moments, the few peaks they get in their lives. Behind these beautiful moments, every human being must face challenges, disappointments, struggles and other burdens.

    At the end of the day, looking at the good moments of your Facebook friends makes you feel like you’re the only weirdo who doesn’t enjoy life to the full. Not a perception you want to program your mind with. And a big distraction from your own goals.

    Pub debates

    An important source of information for everyone are also their friends. That’s why social networks are so popular. Because people love to “stalk” other people and they’re so interested in what other people are thinking or doing. The same mental masturbation effect often also happens in real life, especially in pubs, coffee shops and similar locations. People love talking about politics, big world problems and negative events, and we can also add gossiping, criticizing, whining and complaining to the list.

    A debate among a group of friends is rarely about brainstorming new ideas, challenging beliefs, pushing each other to the next level, looking for positives in life, and so on. I see that only among really successful people who sit at the same table, without any bozos present. People you spend time with are an extremely important source of your information and therefore also an important source of your motivation and creativity. You can’t live a positive life with a negative mind. In the same way, you can’t live a positive life being surrounded by negative people and participating in stupid pub debates.

    Numerous trashy internet sites

    Like every technology, internet has brought a lot of good, but also a few bad things into our lives. Just to mention a few good ones: internet has enabled us higher productivity, faster access to quality information, new ways of communication, and so on. The bad, on the other hand, is especially the fact that internet also gave everyone very easy access to shitty content and shitty information. With a single click. People are spending hours and hours on the internet browsing stupid internet sites.

    From watching porn, arguing on forums, posting hateful comments and reading tabloids to watching “funny” vines, browsing through thousands of social network statuses, and so on. Well, at the end of the day, most people consume on the internet what they used to consume only with TV, daily news, magazines, gaming consoles and pub debates. Now with the internet, everything is intensified and accelerated.

    You simply don’t want to have that kind of an infostructure in your life. Much like you want your toilet to work in your home, have nice roads without holes and bumps when you drive to your job, like you want lights in your office when it gets dark and a nice working car, why wouldn’t you want to get the same from the infostructure that feeds your mind and consequently also defines your quality of life, happiness level, competence level and potential?

    It doesn’t make any sense to fight for outstanding infrastructure and not pay any attention to your infostructure.

    Outstanding personal infostructure

    Now we know what the bad default infostructure that society has built for you looks like and how it influences your life. Something that 99 % of people use and something that’s very hard to avoid in everyday life. Why? Because people like it (demand) and everybody profits from you using the default bad infostructure. Producers, advertising companies, media houses, even your country and your neighbors (so they don’t have to be envious), everybody profits. Except you.

    Therefore, you have to put an enormous amount of energy, will and self-discipline into changing the default infostructure to a better one and regularly using it. The good news is that people have also built and created the good part of the infostructure, available to you with one click. Unfortunately, the masses just don’t use it as much as they use the mainstream media, so it takes a little bit more effort to surround yourself with the right content. That’s the beauty of today’s world: you have choices and you have the power to decide what you’ll consume. Fast food or quality stuff.

    To be fair, there are temptations every hour of every day, fighting for your time, attention and money, trying to make you to go back to the default bad infostructure. But you have to be strong. You have to make the right choices most of the time (let’s say 95 %). You can never completely run away from a bad infostructure (there’s always a movie or a TV show you really can’t miss). But you can definitely build yourself an outstanding system for consuming and managing information that will help you achieve your goals and become the best version of yourself.

    Here’s how your infrastructure should look like:

    Books and carefully selected blogs and magazines

    By far the best text source of knowledge and information are still books. You should read at least one book per month. Even better if you read one book per week. Some people read one book per day. You can take a speed-reading course and join a “one book per day” club. I should do that. An average person spends hours in front of the TV every day. Imagine if all that time were spent on reading top books.

    I guarantee that if you read a quality book per day, then you will definitely become a lean, mean, creative knowledge machine in a year. And it never takes a year to get obsessed with reading. In a few months of regular reading habits, you’ll automatically start reading a book every time someone in the family turns on the TV, simply because you’ll see and experience all the benefits of reading.

    What about other reading material? Well, the general rule is that you acquire a lot more useful knowledge by reading a quality book than by reading dozens of blog posts. Nevertheless, some blogs are pure gold (like this one :). You should find those rare ones and follow them. The same goes for magazines. You can find magazines of really high quality in some industries and for some topics, while for others not so much.

    Always follow the rule to go for the best (knowledge) and forget the rest.

    Before you buy a book and start reading it, check the reviews and the table of contents. Make sure the book is really something that will help you advance in life. Maybe you can read a summary of the book and then decide. The idea is that by reading a book, you “download” an upgraded software version of a specific topic to your brain. You must get creative ideas and learn new and better ways of doing things in life. And then do them. Apply them. Only reading will probably only bring you better language skills.

    Reading a book

    Audiobooks and carefully selected podcasts

    We all have very busy schedules. Consequently, it’s often hard to find the time to sit down and read in peace. Well, if you really want it, you can make it. Anyhow, audiobooks are also a good way to accelerate your learning. You can listen to audiobooks when you drive, wait in queues or take a walk. You can simply buy and download audiobooks to your smart phone, and listen to them when the opportunity pops up. There are more and more audiobooks available, no matter the topic you want to listen to and get educated about.

    Much like the comparison of books and blogs, the same goes for podcasts compared to audiobooks. There are only a few podcasts that are really good and useful. The reason for that is probably the fact that most podcasts are free. And as we said, because people love to consume useless information (demand), other people (producers) are producing tons of useless content (because as a producer, you have to listen to the markets). Therefore, you have to put in the effort and break through all the bad content in order to find the best one.

    MOOCs and educational videos

    Massive online open courses have become an extremely important source of learning for successful people. The good news is that you can find many quality courses, even from the best universities like Harvard, MIT and the best worldwide experts from many industries and life areas. You can follow the selected material at your own pace, you’re usually connected online with a group of peers who try to acquire the same knowledge as you, and so on. In short, it’s a great way to learn from the best.

    The bad news is that the majority of people who subscribe to MOOCs never really take and finish the course. They only subscribe and participate in a lecture or two at the most. Some research shows that only around 2 % finish the courses they subscribe to. Well, to be honest, it’s not easy to finish an online course. It takes effort, self-discipline, motivation, there’s no teacher to motivate you etc. It’s much easier to turn on the TV and watch a reality show than to listen to an open course. But those 2 % are the ones who do advance in life while other people stagnate. It’s what separates successful people from average ones. You have to decide for yourself. The trick is that the hard road becomes easy with time and the easy road becomes hard.

    Besides MOOCs, you can find many motivating and educational videos online. When you have only 20 minutes to do something useful or when you’re waiting at the doctors, you can plug in your earphones and watch a talk online that will help you with your goals and progress in life. There’s so much useful content online, you just have to put in the effort to find it and avoid all the crap.

    Seminars, lectures and carefully selected conferences

    An important part of your infostructure should also be seminars, lectures and a few carefully selected conferences that you visit as an individual as well as for business purposes (you should only work for a company that’s prepared to invest into your knowledge). Sometimes even advancing in formal education makes sense. The main problem with previously mentioned MOOCs is that you can get bored easily, especially if you’re not an introvert. Being in a group of people with the same goal and with dates and times set in advance in the real, not virtual, life helps a lot with motivation and self-discipline. And you can make new business and personal connections more easily.

    This is why you should make offline seminars and lectures an important part of your infostructure, especially if you encounter problems with self-discipline behind a computer. Conferences can also be useful sometimes, but more or less for motivational purposes, networking and having fun. If you go to too many conferences, you often start wasting your precious time. Here’s why.

    A mastermind group and a mentor

    The most important part of your infostructure should be your mastermind group and your mentor(s). Your mastermind group are all the people you ask for advice and go for important information from your industry, about life, and so on.

    Your mastermind group are your trusted coworkers, hopefully your boss, your ambitious and educated friends as well as the best lawyers, doctors and consultants you can still afford. People that help you grow, progress and advance in life.

    Part of your infostructure system should also be your personal mentor. You should always have a personal mentor. Someone who pushes you, helps you to focus, does introductions to help you expand your professional network and directs you to the right information resources. Instead of gossiping in the pub and complaining about life, brainstorming about your next move in life with the right mentor could change your life forever.

    Group discussions (online and offline)

    Besides all the hateful comments on the internet and useless forum arguments, there’s also a positive side to group discussions. You can find many useful forums and communities online and offline. They should be an important part of your infostructure.

    We love to belong and being part of a community enhances your desire and discipline to learn and acquire new knowledge. Therefore, online forums and offline meet-ups can be a great way to learn and to meet new people with the same interests as you. Again, you have to very carefully select where to join and where to invest your energy. If the quality of information starts to decline, you shouldn’t have any emotional problems finding new better groups.

    Other resources

    There are, of course, many extremely useful internet sites, eBooks and other resources you can find online (and offline) with only a few clicks. If you have high enough standards for what kind of content to consume, you’ll be fine. Just remember that you become what you consume. So go for the best and forget the rest.

    The process of consuming information

    The sources (specific media) where you go get information and how you get it (type of media) is a system you set as part of your infostructure. As already mentioned, even if you don’t build your own system consciously, your environment (family, society etc.) has built a system for you. The other part of the equation is when, how often and for how long you consume information as well as how you manage what you’ve read. It’s called the process, and the purpose of the process is to help you with self-discipline and to stay away from the default bad infostructure.

    Here are the general recommendations for the process (and also system) you should set for yourself for acquiring and managing knowledge:

    • Go for the best (knowledge), forget the rest. Carefully chose what you consume. Help yourself with reviews, summaries etc. before you really bite into anything. Sometimes the best knowledge is a best-seller book, other times a blog post you find after hours of browsing.
    • Especially consume information that you can apply to your life and then apply it. At the end of the day, knowledge is not power. Applying knowledge is. When reading material, you should get new creative ideas or ideas for how to do things differently.
    • If possible, do a mind map or structure the new acquired knowledge in some other way after reading specific material. Connect the new acquired knowledge with what you already know. Write down the best new ideas from the material and try to come up with your own new ideas.
    • If you start reading something and you figure out it has no value for you (nothing new), stop reading it. It sounds funny but for most of people, it’s not an easy thing to do. We have the natural psychological tendency to finish what we start. For example, you rarely leave a theater, even if the movie sucks. Don’t do that. If the material sucks, move on. Don’t move on because a page loads for a second longer than you expected, but because of the bad quality.
    • Don’t read the material you already know. People have a tendency to read the stuff they already know over and over again. Because it’s easier. Don’t do that. The exception is if you’re refreshing your knowledge or revising material.
    • Read materials from very different areas you’re interested in and try to combine the knowledge in new ways. That’s called creativity. Don’t consume material only from one topic or industry. Be a curious human.
    • Try to structure the most important knowledge you have in your own presentations, blog posts, lectures etc. Teaching others is a great way to reinforce and structure the knowledge you possess.
    • Consume more difficult subjects when you’re well rested and lighter material when you’re already tired. You have to push yourself, but don’t push yourself over the limit. An important part of acquiring knowledge is that you enjoy it.

    And a few recommendations regarding the limits of the process:

    • Read something positive and motivational the first thing when you wake up.
    • Don’t go to sleep if you haven’t read at least one page that day.
    • Read for at least one hour per day.
    • Read at least one book per month.
    • Take at least one day per month only to upgrade your competences. Mark a no-interruptions day in your calendar and focus just on learning.
    • Go to one educational seminar or do one MOOC at least once every six months.
    • Go to one motivational conference at least once a year, especially for motivational purposes.
    • A good way to learn is while you earn. Your work should always be slightly more demanding than your skills, so you have to learn while you work. Also make sure to work at a company that’s prepared to invest in your knowledge, if you aren’t your own boss.
    • Limit mental masturbation (consuming useless content, social networking etc.) to 5 hours per week at the most.
    • Sharing is caring. Share and spread good information. People desperately need it.

    Well, reading can also mean watching, listening or participating in a group discussion.

    Sharing information

    An important part of infostructure is also sharing information, not only consuming it. The first rule is that you should produce only quality content. The world is already polluted enough with shitty content. So no hateful comments, no gossiping and talking about reality shows.

    You should become a human beacon of positive and quality information and knowledge.

    The second rule is that sharing is caring. If it’s not exactly a trade secret, you should share quality information with people. There’s this karma rule regarding knowledge. The more knowledge you share, the more knowledge you get. But also don’t have any constraints to charge for your knowledge.

    You should be aware that in the information age, you share information and content all the time, with every move you make behind your computer and, of course, every time you open your mouth. Every e‑mail, every social media update, every blog comment and content recommendation is part of your infostructure. Much like you should be very careful about the content you consume, so you should carefully watch what you share

    At the end of the day, what comes out of your mouth is more or less determined by what goes into your mind.

    Practical example

    My personal infostructure

    Now let’s get on the practical level. Let’s look at my own personal infostructure, the system of how I get information and how I handle it. First of all, I follow the asset-light living philosophy, so I have everything digitalized and own no physical books, magazines, CDs or any other material (except an exercise book for language learning). An important part of my infostructure are also my digital brains.

    I buy books on Amazon. I have a Kindle eReader and a Kindle app on my smartphone, tablet and PC. I try to read at least one book per week. Books are my primary source of acquiring new knowledge. The only magazine I read is the Harvard Business Review.

    Before I buy a book, I read the summary. I use Blinkist for book summaries and, from the bottom of my heart, I can say that it’s a really awesome app. If I like the summary, I buy and read the book. Next to that, I try to read at least one book summary per day. I read books/summaries at every opportunity I have. When I wake up, before I go to sleep, when I wait in lines, when I have a few minutes to waste, I open the Kindle app or Blinkist and I start reading.

    My Infostructure
    My favorite apps

    I use Feedly as a RSS app for the few blogs I’m subscribed to. I used to be subscribed to more than 100 blogs but I felt overloaded. Now I’m subscribed only to a few really good blogs from different niches (startups, internet marketing, personal development, productivity …). To be honest, I often run out of time to read the blog posts and I don’t put pressure on myself to read all the blog posts. I have no problem with having many unread blog posts as long as I read books on a daily basis. I used to be a big fan of reading apps, like Flipboard, etc., but now they’re more or less no different from reading the daily news. So again, I go back to books.

    I use Audible for audiobooks. I listen to audiobooks when I walk, wait in a queue and sometimes when I’m driving (if I’m well rested). I also listen to audiobooks when I’m doing the dishes and other chores. I don’t really listen to podcasts, except to Tai Lopez sometimes (or similar authors).

    MOOCs are an important part of my infostructure. I regularly buy courses on Udemy. I’m subscribed to Lynda, Threehouse and Tutsplus, especially now when I’m leveling up my IT competences. As a source of motivational talks, I watch TED Talks from time to time.

    I don’t watch TV at all. I don’t listen to the radio. I don’t read the daily news. I don’t participate in useless debates. And I don’t visit useless internet sites. I do watch TV shows from time to time, but with an upper limit of 3 hours per week (except when I’m ill and can’t do anything else than stare at either a TV screen or a wall). I’ve turned my social networks into a source of quality content. I do visit 9gag from time to time. That’s my weak point, I guess. When in any kind of dilemma, my philosophy is to go back to quality books. An even more important part of my philosophy is to apply the acquired knowledge and experience it for myself.

  • Living in the present moment

    There are some simple rules in life. If you live in your negative past, you soon become bitter, depressed or overwhelmed by regret. It’s a double knockdown by life (tough past, tough present) and a challenging negative spiral. If you’re afraid of not controlling your future completely or repeating your past mistakes in the upcoming times, you become a very anxious person. And if you aren’t aware of your personal power that you always have in the present moment, you can become a too extreme hedonist or a fatalist, going only where life kicks you; and life often kicks you where you certainly don’t want to be.

    Living in the past, living in the future or not being aware of your personal power in the present create a lot of pain in personal life. Emotional pain is, in a way, nothing but a kind of self-created inner resistance to external things that happened to you or are happening to you and you can’t control. You feel pain when you aren’t satisfied with how things are but don’t feel powerful enough to change them. You aren’t flexible enough, wise/rational enough or aware of the personal power that you possess in the present moment. The good news is that pain is most often an inner experience and, as I mentioned, a psychological resistance to the outer world, which means that you can do something about it and transform it. One way to do it is to live more in the present moment by developing wisdom and controlling your mind.

    As we’ve learned in the article Positive orientation towards your past, the best combination for improving your quality of life and eliminating pain is being positively oriented towards your past, a moderate hedonist in the present and goal-oriented towards your future; but not too goal-oriented towards your future, which also leads to you living in the future and forgetting to enjoy the present moment. That way, the past gives you strong roots and foundations, your present gives you feelings of personal power and proactive behavior, and your future gives you the wings to seize all the things you want in life as part of your life vision.

    Past Present Future
    Positives

    Negatives

    		 (moderate) Hedonist

    Fatalist

    		 Goal-oriented

    Afterlife rewards

    But living in the present isn’t that easy, so let’s look at some techniques that can help you shift your focus from painful parts of your past or desired future to the present moment. The tricks for living in the present moment are:

    • Developing Zen Buddhist wisdom
    • Holding your frame and thinking like a Stoic
    • Constantly paying attention to your needs and satisfying them
    • Having list of things you enjoy in personal life
    • Following general rules that contribute to happiness

    Possessing Zen Buddhist wisdom

    Zen is the Japanese form of the Sanskrit word dhyana, which means meditation. Zen is a school of Buddhism, most popular in Japan and the Western world, but it originated from China and was strongly influenced by Taoism. The foundation of Zen philosophy is that an individual’s goal should be to develop their mind, which leads to personal wisdom and personal freedom.

    Mental development can especially be achieved with mediation and concentration. As Buddha said, a human mind is filled with drunken monkeys, jumping around, screeching, chattering, carrying on endlessly. You can’t banish or fight the monkeys because of resistance, but you can calm them down by focusing on your breathing and a positive mantra.

    The final goal of mental development and training your brain monkeys is to cultivate the ability to respond to each moment with wisdom, compassion, generosity, kindness, creativity and responsibility.

    Here’s a cool definition of Zen from Urban Dictionary: “A total state of focus that incorporates a total togetherness of body and mind. Zen is a way of being. It also is a state of mind. Zen involves dropping illusion and seeing things without distortion created by your own thoughts.”

    As I mentioned, paying attention to your breathing and your mind with meditation are the key tools of Zen Buddhism, but Zen philosophy also offers many wise ideas for coping with everyday problems and changing the way we look at things.

    Zen wisdom for coping with everyday problems

    Everything that happens to you is the best possible thing that can happen to you in a specific moment for the fastest learning and growth. Universe (or whoever) hits you where it hurts the most so that you become stronger and grow in life where you’re weak. Consequently, you develop into a better version of yourself.

    Nonetheless, life gives you only challenges that you are capable of overcoming, no matter how difficult they are. The problems you face in life are never harder than your character. That’s the philosophy you should follow when things go wrong. But what if you desire something you don’t have? Everything in life happens when the right time comes and never sooner. You have to be ready and wise enough for a change or something new in your life or something you desire. You have to follow the process, and compound wisdom. You only reap what you sow.

    Nevertheless, happiness or sadness aren’t the consequences of what’s happening to you, but how you interpret what’s happening to you. You can always change your angle (how you look at things) and that is the biggest power you have in life. You can always change your thinking, because your mind is everything and you become what you think. Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your actions become your habits, and your habits become your values and destiny.

    Even your worst enemy can’t hurt you as badly as your untamed mind can. As mentioned before, to tame your mind (or monkeys, if you want) you should pay attention to your breathing and to your thoughts, but there’s also another trick. You can switch your focus from your mind to your body. Your body is always giving you feedback on what’s really important for you in a certain moment. Always listen to your body.

    To live more in the present moment, you shouldn’t make great plans for the future, but instead be constantly aware of your surroundings in the state of active waiting. Active waiting means no day-dreaming, planning, thinking about your past or any other distractions. It means just doing your job in the present moment, like you’re aware that something serious or very important could happen at any moment. Don’t waste your inner resources to create problems and wasteful thinking.

    You have to be grateful for what you have and you have to learn how to forgive in life. How to let go. Be happy with what you currently have and who you are. Nobody can take that away from you.

    Last but not least, nothing gets destroyed or vanished, it only changes its form. Life is energy and you should have as positive energy as possible. Here’s a nice story that teaches you how to let go:

    An elder and a young monk were making a pilgrimage together. One day, they came to a deep river with a strong current. At the edge of the river, a young woman sat weeping, because she was afraid to cross the river without help. She begged the two monks to help her.

    Since the members of their order were forbidden to touch women, the younger monk turned his back to the woman. But the elder monk volunteered and carried the woman across the river. The junior monk was very upset, but said nothing for a long time.

    At the end of the day, the elder monk noticed that his younger friend was very upset and asked him if something is wrong. The younger monk explained that he is very upset because as monks, they aren’t permitted to touch women, but he dared carry the woman on his shoulders. The elder monk replied “I only carried her across the river. You’ve been carrying her all day.”

    Let go when it’s time to let go. As I mentioned, there are two main tools that Zen Buddhists use to control their minds (train the monkey mind) and to live more in the present moment:

    • Meditation
    • Breathing control

    Daily Meditation

    Meditation

    The most important tool of Zen Buddhists for learning how to control your mind is meditation. It’s scientifically proven that meditation helps you a lot with relaxation and taming your mind. Actually, your brain physically changes with regular meditation and increases your capacity for creativity, focus and managing anxiety. I know so many people who claim that meditation changed their lives. You can find many different forms and types of meditation, but for a busy lifestyle, Transcendental Meditation, that you practice 20 minutes twice a day, is quite popular and probably the best fit.

    I don’t do anything advanced and regular, because I prefer self-reflection to meditation. Nevertheless, I sometimes use the Headspace application and meditate for 10 minutes in the morning when I wake up. A good alternative to meditation that can definitely help you in the same way is yoga. If you have problems with living in the present moment, meditation, yoga or proper breathing can do miracles for you, besides hardcore psychological therapy (psychoanalysis, cognitive psychology etc.).

    Learn how to breathe properly

    If you want to live in the present moment, you have to learn how to breathe properly. It may sound strange, but a lot of people don’t know how to breathe the right way and there is a strong connection between your thoughts, feelings, posture and breathing. You can find many resources online on why proper breathing is important, but you may start with two simple exercises explained below and then continue with more advanced techniques.

    1-4-2 Formula

    I use the 1-4-2 formula exercise to have better awareness of my breathing, develop lung capacity and accelerate the cleaning of toxins from capillary veins.

    I especially like doing this exercise when I take a walk in nature and thus fill my lungs with fresh air and my mind with positive thoughts. I learned this technique from the world-known self-help Guru Anthony Robbins.

    The 1-4-2 is the ratio for how many seconds you breathe in, hold your breath and breathe out. I use 5 seconds to slowly breathe in air, then I hold my breath for 20 seconds and slowly exhale air for 10 seconds. I repeat that 3 to 5 times. If you get dizzy, you can try with shorter periods (3 seconds, 12 seconds, 6 seconds or even less) or at the very beginning, you can instead start with the belly breathing exercise.

    Belly Breathing

    You can find a lot of information online about belly breathing, but to summarize it, you sit down in a relaxed position. You put your right hand on your stomach. You slowly breathe in through your nose and make sure that your stomach expands first and then your lungs. Your hand on your belly should move first and then your lungs should be filled with air.

    Then you breathe out and first you empty your lungs and then your belly, and while doing it, you pull your stomach and hand inwards, towards your spine. You should repeat that 20 – 30 times and you will definitely feel more relaxed. You’ll slowly learn how to control your breathing and breathe more properly, that is by engaging your belly more than your lungs.

    Thinking like a Stoic

    The second very influential ancient philosophy that can help you with living in the present moment is the Stoic Philosophy. Many ideas are quite similar to Zen philosophy, but we can still find a few additional useful ideas. Stoicism is a school of Hellenistic philosophy founded in Ancient Greece by Zeno of Citium (born in Cyprus) somewhere in the 3rd century BC.

    For many centuries, Stoicism was one of the most influential philosophies in Ancient Greece and Ancient Roman Empire. The four core virtues of Stoic philosophy are wisdom, courage, justice and temperance. Some of the most famous Stoics were Seneca, Epictetus and one of the wisest Roman Emperors, Marcus Aurelius (his book Meditations is one of my favorite books).

    Here is a cool definition of a Stoic person from Urban Dictionary: “A Stoic is someone who does not give a shit about the stupid things in this world that most people care so much about. Stoics do have emotions, but only for the things in this world that really matter. They are the most real people alive.”

    The fist important idea of Stoicism, that you’re already familiar with from Zen Buddhism, is that hedonism isn’t really the true path to happiness in life. You have to be a moderate hedonist in life, but living only for fun, fame and fortune isn’t the right path. They’re all overrated and don’t bring real happiness in life, especially because they depend on other people, items and circumstances, and are therefore always easy to lose. Excessive hedonism is the counter-point to Stoicism.

    Don’t get me wrong: fun, fame and fortune are important and do hold value, and are part of a good life, but they shouldn’t distract you from the only thing that can really bring happiness in life, which is an excellent, rational and wise mental state.

    Much like Zen Buddhists, Stoics also advocate the idea that everything is temporary. Therefore you shouldn’t really be deeply and unhealthy attached to anything in life, neither material things nor relationships or any ideas. The more attached you are, the greater the pain somewhere in the future (and less lean and agile you are). Have nothing in life that you aren’t prepared to lose. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t love, but true love doesn’t mean control, unhealthy attachment and possessiveness.

    Even if nothing lasts forever, you can extend the longevity of things and relationships you have in life with positive actions, regular maintenance, constant growth and personal improvement. The good news is also that even your unhappiness or misfortune are only temporary, like everything else in life. You should also resist materialism and live a minimalistic life. You should live as simply as possible.

    If you’re unhappy, it’s your fault. Nobody else’s, only yours. If other people are unhappy, it’s entirely their fault and you shouldn’t try to make them happy, because you will fail. Don’t try to change other people and don’t expect other people to change you. All that can be changed is you changing yourself. You should strive to maximize your positive emotions and minimize negative emotions. Not with hedonism, but by controlling you mind, behavior and healthy mental blueprint.

    The most important part of a healthy mental blueprint is that you don’t look for ideal situations in life, because they don’t exist. You should also learn to accept things that aren’t in your control. And as mentioned, always be aware that outer things, like possessions and other people, can’t make you happy. Nevertheless, you can find satisfaction and happiness through the actions you take with things and relationships. For example, a computer can’t make you happy, but what you can do with a computer can, because it helps you create value and contribute.

    You should have the strength to accept the things you cannot change in life, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

    You should never feel like a victim, because it takes away your personal power. You can always regroup and rephrase your goals so that you have more control, even if it only means changing the angle of how you look at things. In the end, the ultimate control you have is the control over your judgments and your mental state or, in other words, how you interpret the things that happen to you.

    Last but not least, you should respect and live in accordance with the human nature. Being a part of nature means that you’re a small part of a larger, organic system, shaped by many processes that are out of your control, including the behavior and actions of other people. Nonetheless, humans are predictable and you should pay attention not to what a person says but to how they behave (what they do).

    Living in accordance with nature also means that hardship, pain, suffering and, of course, also death are all parts of nature and life, and thus inevitable. Life is like a river with a strong current: you can’t paddle against it, but you can decide whether you’re going to resist and suffer or accept it and handle it with good grace.

    In order to accept life with good grace, you should invest a lot of effort into the struggle of controlling yourself. Do what you can, and be happy for your personal efforts and progress in life. If at first you don’t succeed, then try again and again. Don’t be afraid of slow improvement, be afraid of stopping and becoming a zombie. Your capacity for self-improvement and overcoming adversity in life isn’t fixed, but it can be increased with training and a selective, but progressive, exposure to stress. Or, in other words, regularly going out of the comfort zone.

    Reframing

    Optimal thinking, cognitive reframing and holding your frame

    As we’ve learned, the only thing that can really bring happiness in life is an excellent, rational and wise mental state. It’s also called optimal thinking. You should always ask yourself: what is the optimal thinking in my current situation? You’ll most often find that optimal thinking consists of the Zen and Stoic philosophies. No matter how bad of a situation you’re in, your best option is always to remind yourself of the following facts:

    • Nothing lasts forever and this too shall pass.
    • There is no ideal situation in life and pain is an inevitable part of it.
    • I should make fun of winter with a cold morning shower.
    • Life wants me to fight and grow, so I won’t feel sorry for myself and be a victim.
    • My challenges are never bigger than my character or more important than my why.
    • I can always find the positive in a negative situation.
    • I should take a deep breath, smile, and innovate my way out.
    • I have to focus on the positive and take action.
    • You’re the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Act like it.

    Every time you feel sorry for yourself, you should reframe your thoughts and change how you look at things. Cognitive reframing is a way of viewing and experiencing events, ideas, concepts and emotions to find more positive alternatives. Frame is the filter through which you perceive reality, and you can always find a new better frame. When you do, you should hold it strongly, because your mind (monkey), together with your emotions, will try to wander. Don’t slack off, hold your frame no matter what.

    Paying attention and satisfying your needs

    It’s true that you must have realistic expectations in life and not lose yourself in hedonism or materialism. Next to that, you also have to manage your ego and detach yourself from unhealthy attachments. But that’s only one part of the equation. As we said, you also have to be a moderate hedonist in the present.

    That means that you must pay close attention to your needs and you must strive to satisfy these needs. You have to find the right balance between two extremes – one extreme being a monk, having absolutely nothing and detaching himself from everything, and the other extreme being a greedy, perpetually dissatisfied person only looking for surrogates (money, addictions etc.) to replace the lack of loving and healthy relationships and creating valuable things while enjoying the work.

    It’s very easy to blame ego for both extremes, but poor ego does nothing but serves three masters and does what it can to bring them into harmony with one another. The three masters are id (primitive impulses), superego (rules, conflicts, morals etc.) and the external world with all its limitations. So you shouldn’t blame the ego for your unhappiness. You should pay more attention to your needs and find the right balance between id, superego and external limitations. A bitter person is a person who doesn’t pay attention to their real needs and doesn’t enjoy life. Therefore you should work hard on self-reflection and:

    • Know what you want in life and enjoy it every day. Start with your life vision.
    • Strive to have loving and deep relationships and a feeling of inner security
    • Cultivate more rough energies and feelings (aggression, hate etc.) and wishes that can’t be fulfilled through sublimation (where wishes are channeled rather than dammed or diverted) with doing meaningful work, sports, arts, following meaningful goals and having a sense of humor
    • Be an outstanding communicator and learn to communicate your wishes and desires with yourself and others
    • Just do it, act, you have every right to fulfill your desires in the right civilized way

    List of all the things you enjoy

    It may sound silly, but if you don’t know how to be a moderate hedonist in life, you have to learn it. The first step you should do, if you don’t know how to properly enjoy life, is to make a list of all the things you really enjoy in life. The point of this exercise is just to become aware of all the things that make you happy and give you satisfaction in life. This exercise is especially important if you’re a workaholic or don’t know how to relax and enjoy everyday life.

    The more bitter, tense and serious you are, the less you probably know how to really enjoy life and relax. You may not even know what really makes you happy and which things you enjoy. Therefore sit down, take a piece of paper and think of all the times in life when you forgot about the time and everything around you; think about the precious moments when you lost yourself in the moment and just really enjoyed the happening in the flow.

    Here you can find my list, as an example, since I’m an extremely serious person and often forget how to enjoy life. From time to time, I look at the list and remind myself that I’m also here on this planet to enjoy life and experience as many things as possible.

    General rules of personal happiness

    Now it’s time to go from the philosophical level to more practical advice for other things you can do to be happier in life and live more in the present moment. There are seven general rules that contribute to your happiness and your ability to live more in the present. They can’t really make you happy per se, but if you follow the rules, you have greater chances of really being happy and a moderate hedonist in the present. If you have the right mental blueprint (framework) and a compassionate inner dialogue, these things do add to your everyday quality of life.

    Have enough margin on a daily basis

    You simply can’t live a happy and stress-free life if you don’t have enough margin in life. You can’t live happily in the present moment if you’re drowning in work, debt or negative relationships. Margin is the space between your load and your limits. Margin is the opposite of overload and a bigger margin leads to higher quality and happiness in life. Make sure you have enough margin to function without feeling overwhelmed day by day.

    Here are some ideas for increasing margin in your life:

    • Clean up your to-do list
    • Kill some projects that don’t bring a lot of value
    • Don’t go out every weekend but take time for yourself
    • Delete all unread e-mails that are older than two weeks
    • Change your phone number and give it only to a few people
    • Delete your social media accounts
    • Get rid of your smart phone etc.
    • Have an emergency fund for at least 6 months of your monthly costs

    Exercise regularly

    Healthy mind in a healthy body. Period. There are so many benefits of exercise, but you already know that. Especially doing exercise in nature. Here, you can find 50 benefits of exercise and physical activity.

    If you don’t like to exercise, walk 30 minutes every day. Walk to your office. Walk and talk with your spouse in the afternoon in the nature. As an alternative, you can also exercise by taking care of your garden or doing a sport you love or anything else that gets your body moving.

    Even better than just walking is torturing your fat until it cries (a.k.a. sweats) like a little baby four to five times per week. Combine aerobic and anaerobic exercise and regularly take care of your body with grooming, spa, massages and so on.

    Next to that, get enough sleep every night, eat healthy and don’t forget about passionate sex. Drink enough water, add veggies to every meal and help yourself with food supplements if needed. Also take care of your posture and flexibility.

    Never forget that your body is the vessel that holds your soul. Your body is a temple you must take care of. Your first priority should be to take care of yourself and your temple. An ill, obese or burnt-out person is rarely a happy person. So take care of your body and you’ll be repaid in many forms, including being happier in life. Exercise should be a part of you being a moderate hedonist in the present, day by day. At the end of the day, you’re always only one workout away from good mood.

    Stay fit to have great sex

    Have deep connections and socialize

    Greed, lust, envy, addictions and other destructive behaviors are all forms of a low capacity for love. They drag you away from personal happiness and real enjoyment of life. If you want to be happy in life, you have to love yourself first, develop a great capacity for love (feeling of inner security), and then you can also love others with all your heart. Love, not control or unhealthy attachment.

    Have deep connections and socialize enough with:

    • Your spouse
    • Your primary and secondary family
    • Your friends

    You need three strong pillars of love and deep connections. Your spouse, your family and your friends. Deep and loving connections will fill you with love, joy and happiness. If you don’t socialize enough and spend quality time with the people you love, you have zero chances of being happy in life. Love yourself, be connected, and love other people. Life can be tough and we’re here to help each other with loving and supportive energies.

    Work on something meaningful

    You can’t be a happy person and live in the present moment if you hate your job. You spend more than a third of your time at your workplace. If you don’t like what you do and the culture of the company where you work, you’ll be miserable. You simply can’t be happy if you spend 8 – 10 hours in a place you hate. Emotions carry over to you from the atmosphere and other people you spend time with. Unhappy people, unhappy environment, unhappy you; not living in the present moment but only feeling sorry for yourself and living a fatalist life.

    Therefore a very important goal you should have in life in order to be happy is finding meaningful work and an environment where you can thrive. You must feel good about your work and contributing to the society, creating value and being a part of an organization that has encouraging culture and a powerful mission. That kind of an environment and people won’t come to you, you have to fight and find your fit.

    People who love their job thrive, people who hate their job die inside.

    When you’re working, you should be in the flow for as much time as possible. The flow is an elusive state of hyper-performance where you forget about everything and just create, create and create. Hours can pass without you noticing. Usually it’s for a task that’s a little bit more challenging than your skillset and you just can’t wait to undertake the challenge, learn, create value and overcome any obstacle on the path. That means being fully in the present moment in a god-like state.

    At this point, we also have to mention money. Up to 100.000 $ of annual income (depends on where you live, of course, but let’s say around double the average salary), money is a great contributor to happiness and living a relaxed life in the present moment. After that, money can’t really contribute to your happiness anymore. If you’re poor, you definitely have a hard time being happy.

    Forget the myth that poor and fat people are happy people. Money solves many problems in life. You shouldn’t expect that money will make you happy, but you need to develop your competence level to the point where you earn enough money and being poor doesn’t take away your happiness.

    • Step 1: Develop emotional security and strong social connections.
    • Step 2: Develop enough inner resources (competences) that you trust yourself and know you can always create enough outer resources. Find meaningful work that you will master and enjoy, and with which you will contribute to the world.
    • Step 3: Earn enough money and have enough wealth that you don’t struggle by living from paycheck to paycheck.

    The path matters, not the end

    For everything you want in life, there’s always a process before the final event (getting what you want). Respect and follow the process, and you’ll get to the goal someday. It’s better to arrive late than to arrive ugly. In other words, the only place where success comes before hard work is in the dictionary. Everything you want in life, you can get by following a carefully orchestrated process.

    But you should definitely enjoy the whole process not only the final event. You should enjoy learning, growing, overcoming obstacles, facing new challenges and finding new, better ways to do things. You should enjoy innovating, day-to-day work and unexpected challenges while staying agile about how you will get to your goal. Success is never a linear path. Focus on the process, focus on the path and just enjoy the ride. It’s an important part of the life experience.

    Trust yourself and have faith in life

    Have you ever asked yourself why some people are happy by default and others aren’t? Well, most often the reason is that they were raised in a positive and happy environment, where they were able to develop inner security and faith in life. Their inner dialog is positive, they believe in themselves, they trust in life and, as optimists, look on the bright side of life.

    If you want to be happy, you also need to develop that kind of inner security and faith in life, if you haven’t gotten it from your primary and secondary socialization. There are many tools for developing more psychological capital and faith in life and inner security, from cognitive psychology, psychotherapy, meditation, transactional analysis, trauma release exercises, yoga, neuro-linguistic programming and many other methods. You must find the method that works for you and suits you best.

    If you’re insecure, everything that doesn’t go according to your expectations will annoy you and negative feelings will prevail. The more insecure you are, the smaller the things that will drive you mad and throw you off. You can’t be happy if you’re constantly mad. You can’t be happy if you don’t know how to adapt and stay flexible. So if you aren’t feeling emotionally secure, that is where you should begin to feel happier in life and live more in the present moment.

    At this point, it’s also important to mention overall realistic expectations. With all the exposure to ads, marketing and products, we often gain unrealistic expectations for life. According to the media world, you should be beautiful, smart, rich, stylish and a hundred other things. That’s totally unrealistic. The more unrealistic expectations you have towards life, the greater the disappointments that await you; and there goes your happiness. Thus you must have realistic expectations towards your life and what you can achieve and experience.

    Have positive thoughts

    You can’t live a positive life with a negative mind. Only positive thoughts are the ones that lead to happiness. But what are positive thoughts, really? Positive thoughts are the thoughts of connecting. You can’t have a positive and a negative thought at the same time. You also can’t have a thought of connecting and a thought of division at the same time. You either bring closer or push away.

    Thoughts of connecting are thoughts that bring everything closer, and their energy is gentle, tolerant, open, creative and welcoming. Every time your thoughts aren’t connecting people, ideas and things, flip your mind over and do the opposite. Connect.

    • Do you want to gossip about your coworker? Invite them for coffee instead.
    • Are you mad at your partner for not putting down the toilet lid? Hug and kiss them good night instead, and just forget about it.
    • You don’t like something about yourself and it’s all over your mind? Instead find positive things about yourself and change your inner dialogue. Be more connected to yourself.

    Things aren’t that simple, of course. You can’t just start thinking positively. If your mind is occupied with negative thoughts and cognitive distortions a lot, you can help yourself with emotional accounting. First of all, count all your negative thoughts, just to become aware of them. In the second step, start correcting your negative thoughts. For example: if your initial thought is “I’m so clumsy”, correct it with something like “I may sometimes spill milk, but so do other people and it only happens to me occasionally, therefore I’m not really clumsy.” Here you can learn more about how to do emotional accounting. If that is too hard for you, start with listening to your body as mentioned in the beginning of this blog post.

    Additional ideas for living in the present moment

    To slowly end the article, here are ten additional ideas that may help you live more in the present moment:

    • Do one thing at a time. Use different speeds for different types of tasks.
    • Do that one thing with an inner smile, slowly and consistently
    • Shut down all your smart devices, IM apps, and everything else that distracts you.
    • Take 5 minutes off and stretch.
    • Walk more slowly and eat more slowly.
    • Be grateful and appreciate that another day was given to you.
    • Hug the people you love and compliment the people you meet.
    • Remind yourself of your whys and that they’re much more important than any problem or worry you have to face in life.
    • Say Fuck it out loud when something goes wrong and continue with your work.
    • Only spend time with people who are happy most of the time and who support you.

  • Extremely good or bad times are real relationships test

    In normal, or even slightly good or bad times, anyone can be a good friend, a good business partner or a good spouse. Normal times never show the darkest part of a person’s character, unless the person is an asshole by default. Extremes do. Extremes show whose personality really is larger than life and whose character is lower than a snake’s belly. Well, everyone makes a mistake or breaks from time to time, but if you see consistently atypical behavior in extreme times when interacting with someone, you can see deep down their soul. You don’t even have to look them in their eyes.

    When things go really badly, people very clearly show how strong their rational part is compared to their instincts as well as how stable their emotional self is. They show their true nature and how mature they really are to other people. Surprisingly, when things go extremely well, the darker human nature often comes into play even more. You probably heard the quote that nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test man’s character, give him power.

    Thus we have two real life relationships test – both extremes, when things go either really well or really badly, put relationships to a tough test, especially the closest ones.

    When things go extremely badly

    Bad times are usually a very tough testing period for relationships. Any kind of adversity, losses and other tragic situations, big or small, have a huge impact on your life and your relationship with other people. Job loss, money issues, accidents, death of the people you love, you name it.

    From what I’ve seen, there are only two possible outcomes when things go extremely badly. Either people turn on each other and start fighting, or the extremely bad situation gives them an opportunity to connect even more and deepen the relationship. The fact is that relationships that endure extremely tough times usually become even more substantial.

    In bad times you have only two options in a relationship in your life:

    1. You can turn to each other and start fighting
    2. You can connect even more and deepen the relationship

    I guess the second options is a good thing in a bad thing. But unfortunately people prefer to turn on each other than find a deeper mutual connection. But why? Many times, extremely bad times make you feel bad about yourself, they hinder your self-confidence, and they make you feel more insecure and intolerant. Consequently, your capacity for love decreases.

    The more your self-confidence is damaged by an external event, the more your capacity for love decreases. If your perception of value was, for example, strongly grounded in your fancy job and you lost the job, you feel unworthy and thus your perception of your value in a relationship changes as well. By fighting, you usually want to make people love you more and chain them onto yourself in a very aggressive way. It’s a kind of unhealthy compensation for the feeling of lost value.

    The second thing that often happens is that it’s much easier to blame others for many types of different failures and bad things happening to you. It’s much easier to blame the partner that s/he didn’t support you enough etc. than it is to admit to yourself that you f*cked up. You protect yourself and your feeling of value by blaming others. Ironically, the easiest way to start a fight is with the people you love and care about the most. That’s the point when relationships start to go south in tough times. You get insecure, aggressive and start accusing your loved ones instead of facing the truth and building even stronger relationships based on more effective communication, mutual care, empathy and understanding. It can be done, but it takes a lot more effort.

    Sad couple

    When things go extremely well

    Much less obvious is why people fight when things go extremely well; well, usually they go extremely well for one person in a relationship or even both parties. Examples of extremely good times are when someone gets a big promotion, enters a new well-known social circle, gets to know new people who rank higher than them on the sexual market value and is exposed to their affection, when business goes really well, when someone acquires larger sums of money etc.

    Two things very often happen in that kind of a situation. First of all, outer stimuli (good happening) stroke the ego too much. When the ego gets too much stroking, people often start getting full of themselves, they become cocky and arrogant, and suddenly they feel like they don’t need some people around them anymore so much. They enjoy their extremely good (many times unexpected) situation so much that suddenly they don’t give a f*ck about the people around them anymore or they feel superior to them.

    The second thing that often surfaces is the natural human tendency of trying to progress and strive for better things in life. When something extremely good happens to you, you get a new reference point. You feel much better than you used to. So everything around you must be much better than it used to be, from items to people; and so you start looking for things and social circles in the same new league. Because your perception of value increased, you also look for people who have higher value in your eyes.

    It’s some kind of The Diderot Effect: The Diderot Effect states that obtaining a new (fancy) possession often creates a spiral of consumption which leads you to acquire more new (fancy) things. As a result, you end up buying things that your previous self never needed to feel happy or fulfilled. It happens pretty the same in the relationships.

    Both things, the illusion of ego and the new view of higher self-worth, lead to a big relationship test with all the people with whom you had normal and totally good relationships before that extremely good thing happened. But there’s a big trick in this game. You still have some kind of an attachment to the people in your life, which leads to internal conflict. You still care for them but you want to move on at the same time.

    Secondly, your new perception of self-worth makes you feel good when you’re with them because you feel superior to them. But they start feeling shitty when they’re around you. Last but not least, there is always also a question of what will happen when good times go away and your luck strikes out, who will you go to then? In movies, you can often see the moment when someone realizes that a good thing is not as shiny as s/he thought, and they come back to old friends.

    If that happens once, it’s kind of understandable, but if it happens many times, it’s an ugly form of hypocrisy. There’s nothing wrong with being self-confident, maybe even a little bit cocky sometimes. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to become better and better and be surrounded by better and better people, items and stuff. There’s nothing wrong in deciding to end a relationship if you feel that its expiration date has come because you’ve progressed faster than the other person. It may not be nice, some people would already see that kind of behavior as proof of a lousy friendship, but at least it’s honest.

    What definitely isn’t right is (1) having a relationship with someone only when things go bad, constantly leaving them at good times and coming back at bad times, (2) being around someone just to feel superior to them or seeing them as plan B, and what definitely isn’t right is (3) going against someone you love (seeing them as less valuable) just because something good is happening to you.

    When things go really well, your instincts should be to share your happiness and success with the people you love, not feeling superior to them and seeing them as less valuable. Even if your emotional self does feel a little better for a second, your rational part should correct your emotions immediately. If your emotions march off, you have to put them back into the right frame with your intellect. Just remind yourself why a relationship with someone is really important to you and what they contribute to your life.

    In bad times you have only two options in a relationship in your life:

    1. You can share your happiness and success with people you love
    2. You can start feeling superior and full of yourself and become a hypocrite (in this case is better to end a relationship)

    I have seen it a hundred times in personal and professional lives. Suddenly a business takes off. One partner would like to cash out, the other to reinvest. They don’t communicate enough. Both of them see each other as an unnecessary part of the business and a burden to their own goals and interests. They start fighting. Business goes down. Before, they were best friends. After the first real success, they become the worst enemies. A similar situation often happens in the personal life.

    Ask yourself the questions below. They do sound a little bit silly, but if you know how to be honest with yourself, they’ll tell you a lot about you and your relationships:

    • If Jenifer Lawrence/Channing Tatum or whichever famous person is your favorite actor fell in love with you and tried to seduce you, what would you do? It doesn’t even have to be a famous Hollywood star, make it your national or local TV star, or your last crush or whoever you maybe feel attracted to and is out of your league.
    • If you won a big amount of money in the lottery, let’s say 10 million EUR/USD, or if your business started generating 30,000 EUR/USD profit per month, what would you do?

    Would you stay with your spouse and friends and family or in any other relationship? Would you spend more or less time with them? Would you start fooling around and find new friends or would you share your success with old friends? Ask yourself sincerely and you’ll see very well what would be the relationship test outcome of extremely good times.

    If the answer is that you’d keep a specific relationship, or invest even more into it and share all of your success without feeling superior, there’s a very good chance that a relationship would pass that kind of a life test. If you’re tentative and undecided or if questions like that piss you off, you should probably rethink your relationships. We’re talking about only one context here, and that’s what would happen to your relationships if your position were to drastically improve. There are many other elements and angles that influence the quality and duration of relationships, but this kind of a test can still tell you a lot.

    When things go extremely badly and extremely well

    There’s also a third situation, when things go both extremely badly and extremely well at the same time. In those kind of times, relationships and people’s characters are put to an even harder test.

    An example would be when parents die and inheritance has to be split among siblings. The extremely bad situation (and a shocking one) is the parents’ death. Kind of a good situation for many people is the inheritance, and usually there’s a bigger sum of wealth in play because of the real estate. There are so many families where people really had strong bonds with each other, until something like that happened. It’s heartbreaking how many families fall apart because of the inheritance fight.

    The same situation often happens in business, when things go well in some ways (generating money, usually), but there are also many challenges present. People are afraid of losing something valuable and they often prefer to blame others than themselves for all the problems. Relationships become relationshits.

    Everyone breaks sometimes

    We all sometimes make mistakes in relationships. We hurt people and people hurt us. We’re all human and we all make mistakes. That’s fine. What’s not okay is if you start behaving toxically and you cripple your relationships every time something extremely good or extremely bad happens to you.

    Those are the times when you should put in extra effort to strengthen the most valuable relationships in your life. If they’re really valuable to you, and not only plan B or a compromise you think you had to make because of your temporary situation, you’ll make sure that extremely good or extremely bad times bring out the best in you and the people you love.

    The key takeaways are the following:

    • Extremely good and extremely bad times will have a big influence on your ego, self-worth and your perception of yourself and your relationships.
    • If a relationship is really sincere, based on love, mutual respect and is valuable to you, you’ll look for ways to enhance, strengthen and deepen the relationship in both extremes. You’ll open yourself up more, you’ll invest yourself more, you’ll communicate more, and you’ll show more loving and tender energies. You should see extremely good and extremely bad situations as an opportunity to build even more quality relationships. Both extremes should bring out the best version of yourself and you should bring out the best in other people.
    • Many relationships won’t pass the test. Maybe because of you, maybe because of others. That’s okay, you just have to be fair and sincere, to yourself and to others. Even if it’s time to end a relationship, you can do it the right way. There’s nothing wrong with moving on, but you shouldn’t keep things open. Give a close to a relationship that you think has to end.
    • But what you definitely shouldn’t do is start fighting with the closest people in your life only because things go bad for you and it’s the easiest thing to do. Don’t blame or abuse others because of your own sorrows. And what you also definitely shouldn’t do is keep relationships in your life only as plan B or only to make you feel good about yourself, feel all superior, because currently things are going really well for you. That’s an ugly form of hypocrisy.
    • The good news is that real life relationships test will help you to keep the relationships that really matter in your life and clean all the others. It may hurt, but in the long run such a relationship cleaning will help you make a room for the new people – people who fit you better in your new period of life.