mindfulness

Every day is a new beginning

Did you promise to yourself that you’ll eat healthy, but you just stuffed your face with pizza and sweets? Did you commit to being more careful with your money, but you’ve just wasted some of your money on something useless? Are you trying to become a better spouse, but you weren’t attentive enough to your partner throughout the day?

Don’t guilt trip yourself. You can’t change your past. What’s done is done. Forgive yourself, ask for forgiveness if necessary, and move on. We’re all human and discipline is a weak muscle that sometimes doesn’t hold up under pressure. If you have a daily goal and you miss it some days, don’t think over and over again how could your discipline slackened and how weak of a person you are.

Instead focus on tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new beginning, a new day to start over. Every day when you wake up, you have a new chance to prove yourself, follow your goals and invest into yourself to enjoy the compounding effects of yield in the future. Rather than blaming yourself, be aware that tomorrow is a new day and a new opportunity. And so is the day after tomorrow. Every day, you start at zero and you build up from there.

Even more. Your every next decision is an opportunity to practice self-discipline and correct your mistakes. If you’ve eaten too much over lunch, say no to dinner or do extra training. If you were wasteful with money, save money on your next purchase. If you’ve just figured out you weren’t attentive enough to your partner, pick up your phone and send a loving message or kiss your spouse or whatever.

Trust me, you’ll make mistakes even when committed to your goals. You can’t be 100 % disciplined all the time; and you will feel guilty when you slip. The more disciplined you are, the more guilt you’ll probably feel. But that’s wrong. That means becoming a bitter and mechanic robot in the long term. Be disciplined, but when your discipline muscle gives out, don’t hinder yourself additionally with guilt, blame and overthinking. Forgive yourself, forget it, move on and fix it with your next decision or start from scratch the next day when you wake up.

Every day is a new beginning, every day is a new opportunity for you to start following your life vision. Just don’t make things harder than they already are. Enjoy life.
Living in the present moment
There are some simple rules in life. If you live in your negative past, you soon become bitter, depressed or overwhelmed by regret. It’s a double knockdown by life (tough past, tough present) and a challenging negative spiral. If you’re afraid of not controlling your future completely or repeating your past mistakes in the upcoming times, you become a very anxious person. And if you aren’t aware of your personal power that you always have in the present moment, you can become a too extreme hedonist or a fatalist, going only where life kicks you; and life often kicks you where you certainly don’t want to be.

Living in the past, living in the future or not being aware of your personal power in the present create a lot of pain in personal life. Emotional pain is, in a way, nothing but a kind of self-created inner resistance to external things that happened to you or are happening to you and you can’t control. You feel pain when you aren’t satisfied with how things are but don’t feel powerful enough to change them. You aren’t flexible enough, wise/rational enough or aware of the personal power that you possess in the present moment. The good news is that pain is most often an inner experience and, as I mentioned, a psychological resistance to the outer world, which means that you can do something about it and transform it. One way to do it is to live more in the present moment by developing wisdom and controlling your mind.

As we’ve learned in the article Positive orientation towards your past, the best combination for improving your quality of life and eliminating pain is being positively oriented towards your past, a moderate hedonist in the present and goal-oriented towards your future; but not too goal-oriented towards your future, which also leads to you living in the future and forgetting to enjoy the present moment. That way, the past gives you strong roots and foundations, your present gives you feelings of personal power and proactive behavior, and your future gives you the wings to seize all the things you want in life as part of your life vision.

Past Present Future

Positives

Negatives
(moderate) Hedonist

Fatalist
Goal-oriented

Afterlife rewards

But living in the present isn’t that easy, so let’s look at some techniques that can help you shift your focus from painful parts of your past or desired future to the present moment. The tricks for living in the present moment are:
- Developing Zen Buddhist wisdom
- Holding your frame and thinking like a Stoic
- Constantly paying attention to your needs and satisfying them
- Having list of things you enjoy in personal life
- Following general rules that contribute to happiness
Possessing Zen Buddhist wisdom

Zen is the Japanese form of the Sanskrit word dhyana, which means meditation. Zen is a school of Buddhism, most popular in Japan and the Western world, but it originated from China and was strongly influenced by Taoism. The foundation of Zen philosophy is that an individual’s goal should be to develop their mind, which leads to personal wisdom and personal freedom.

Mental development can especially be achieved with mediation and concentration. As Buddha said, a human mind is filled with drunken monkeys, jumping around, screeching, chattering, carrying on endlessly. You can’t banish or fight the monkeys because of resistance, but you can calm them down by focusing on your breathing and a positive mantra.

The final goal of mental development and training your brain monkeys is to cultivate the ability to respond to each moment with wisdom, compassion, generosity, kindness, creativity and responsibility.

Here’s a cool definition of Zen from Urban Dictionary: “A total state of focus that incorporates a total togetherness of body and mind. Zen is a way of being. It also is a state of mind. Zen involves dropping illusion and seeing things without distortion created by your own thoughts.”

As I mentioned, paying attention to your breathing and your mind with meditation are the key tools of Zen Buddhism, but Zen philosophy also offers many wise ideas for coping with everyday problems and changing the way we look at things.

Zen wisdom for coping with everyday problems

Everything that happens to you is the best possible thing that can happen to you in a specific moment for the fastest learning and growth. Universe (or whoever) hits you where it hurts the most so that you become stronger and grow in life where you’re weak. Consequently, you develop into a better version of yourself.

Nonetheless, life gives you only challenges that you are capable of overcoming, no matter how difficult they are. The problems you face in life are never harder than your character. That’s the philosophy you should follow when things go wrong. But what if you desire something you don’t have? Everything in life happens when the right time comes and never sooner. You have to be ready and wise enough for a change or something new in your life or something you desire. You have to follow the process, and compound wisdom. You only reap what you sow.

Nevertheless, happiness or sadness aren’t the consequences of what’s happening to you, but how you interpret what’s happening to you. You can always change your angle (how you look at things) and that is the biggest power you have in life. You can always change your thinking, because your mind is everything and you become what you think. Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your actions become your habits, and your habits become your values and destiny.

Even your worst enemy can’t hurt you as badly as your untamed mind can. As mentioned before, to tame your mind (or monkeys, if you want) you should pay attention to your breathing and to your thoughts, but there’s also another trick. You can switch your focus from your mind to your body. Your body is always giving you feedback on what’s really important for you in a certain moment. Always listen to your body.

To live more in the present moment, you shouldn’t make great plans for the future, but instead be constantly aware of your surroundings in the state of active waiting. Active waiting means no day-dreaming, planning, thinking about your past or any other distractions. It means just doing your job in the present moment, like you’re aware that something serious or very important could happen at any moment. Don’t waste your inner resources to create problems and wasteful thinking.

You have to be grateful for what you have and you have to learn how to forgive in life. How to let go. Be happy with what you currently have and who you are. Nobody can take that away from you.

Last but not least, nothing gets destroyed or vanished, it only changes its form. Life is energy and you should have as positive energy as possible. Here’s a nice story that teaches you how to let go:

An elder and a young monk were making a pilgrimage together. One day, they came to a deep river with a strong current. At the edge of the river, a young woman sat weeping, because she was afraid to cross the river without help. She begged the two monks to help her.

Since the members of their order were forbidden to touch women, the younger monk turned his back to the woman. But the elder monk volunteered and carried the woman across the river. The junior monk was very upset, but said nothing for a long time.

At the end of the day, the elder monk noticed that his younger friend was very upset and asked him if something is wrong. The younger monk explained that he is very upset because as monks, they aren’t permitted to touch women, but he dared carry the woman on his shoulders. The elder monk replied “I only carried her across the river. You’ve been carrying her all day.”

Let go when it’s time to let go. As I mentioned, there are two main tools that Zen Buddhists use to control their minds (train the monkey mind) and to live more in the present moment:
- Meditation
- Breathing control
Meditation

The most important tool of Zen Buddhists for learning how to control your mind is meditation. It’s scientifically proven that meditation helps you a lot with relaxation and taming your mind. Actually, your brain physically changes with regular meditation and increases your capacity for creativity, focus and managing anxiety. I know so many people who claim that meditation changed their lives. You can find many different forms and types of meditation, but for a busy lifestyle, Transcendental Meditation, that you practice 20 minutes twice a day, is quite popular and probably the best fit.

I don’t do anything advanced and regular, because I prefer self-reflection to meditation. Nevertheless, I sometimes use the Headspace application and meditate for 10 minutes in the morning when I wake up. A good alternative to meditation that can definitely help you in the same way is yoga. If you have problems with living in the present moment, meditation, yoga or proper breathing can do miracles for you, besides hardcore psychological therapy (psychoanalysis, cognitive psychology etc.).

Learn how to breathe properly

If you want to live in the present moment, you have to learn how to breathe properly. It may sound strange, but a lot of people don’t know how to breathe the right way and there is a strong connection between your thoughts, feelings, posture and breathing. You can find many resources online on why proper breathing is important, but you may start with two simple exercises explained below and then continue with more advanced techniques.

1-4-2 Formula

I use the 1-4-2 formula exercise to have better awareness of my breathing, develop lung capacity and accelerate the cleaning of toxins from capillary veins.

I especially like doing this exercise when I take a walk in nature and thus fill my lungs with fresh air and my mind with positive thoughts. I learned this technique from the world-known self-help Guru Anthony Robbins.

The 1-4-2 is the ratio for how many seconds you breathe in, hold your breath and breathe out. I use 5 seconds to slowly breathe in air, then I hold my breath for 20 seconds and slowly exhale air for 10 seconds. I repeat that 3 to 5 times. If you get dizzy, you can try with shorter periods (3 seconds, 12 seconds, 6 seconds or even less) or at the very beginning, you can instead start with the belly breathing exercise.

Belly Breathing

You can find a lot of information online about belly breathing, but to summarize it, you sit down in a relaxed position. You put your right hand on your stomach. You slowly breathe in through your nose and make sure that your stomach expands first and then your lungs. Your hand on your belly should move first and then your lungs should be filled with air.

Then you breathe out and first you empty your lungs and then your belly, and while doing it, you pull your stomach and hand inwards, towards your spine. You should repeat that 20 – 30 times and you will definitely feel more relaxed. You’ll slowly learn how to control your breathing and breathe more properly, that is by engaging your belly more than your lungs.

Thinking like a Stoic

The second very influential ancient philosophy that can help you with living in the present moment is the Stoic Philosophy. Many ideas are quite similar to Zen philosophy, but we can still find a few additional useful ideas. Stoicism is a school of Hellenistic philosophy founded in Ancient Greece by Zeno of Citium (born in Cyprus) somewhere in the 3^rd century BC.

For many centuries, Stoicism was one of the most influential philosophies in Ancient Greece and Ancient Roman Empire. The four core virtues of Stoic philosophy are wisdom, courage, justice and temperance. Some of the most famous Stoics were Seneca, Epictetus and one of the wisest Roman Emperors, Marcus Aurelius (his book Meditations is one of my favorite books).

Here is a cool definition of a Stoic person from Urban Dictionary: “A Stoic is someone who does not give a shit about the stupid things in this world that most people care so much about. Stoics do have emotions, but only for the things in this world that really matter. They are the most real people alive.”

The fist important idea of Stoicism, that you’re already familiar with from Zen Buddhism, is that hedonism isn’t really the true path to happiness in life. You have to be a moderate hedonist in life, but living only for fun, fame and fortune isn’t the right path. They’re all overrated and don’t bring real happiness in life, especially because they depend on other people, items and circumstances, and are therefore always easy to lose. Excessive hedonism is the counter-point to Stoicism.

Don’t get me wrong: fun, fame and fortune are important and do hold value, and are part of a good life, but they shouldn’t distract you from the only thing that can really bring happiness in life, which is an excellent, rational and wise mental state.

Much like Zen Buddhists, Stoics also advocate the idea that everything is temporary. Therefore you shouldn’t really be deeply and unhealthy attached to anything in life, neither material things nor relationships or any ideas. The more attached you are, the greater the pain somewhere in the future (and less lean and agile you are). Have nothing in life that you aren’t prepared to lose. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t love, but true love doesn’t mean control, unhealthy attachment and possessiveness.

Even if nothing lasts forever, you can extend the longevity of things and relationships you have in life with positive actions, regular maintenance, constant growth and personal improvement. The good news is also that even your unhappiness or misfortune are only temporary, like everything else in life. You should also resist materialism and live a minimalistic life. You should live as simply as possible.

If you’re unhappy, it’s your fault. Nobody else’s, only yours. If other people are unhappy, it’s entirely their fault and you shouldn’t try to make them happy, because you will fail. Don’t try to change other people and don’t expect other people to change you. All that can be changed is you changing yourself. You should strive to maximize your positive emotions and minimize negative emotions. Not with hedonism, but by controlling you mind, behavior and healthy mental blueprint.

The most important part of a healthy mental blueprint is that you don’t look for ideal situations in life, because they don’t exist. You should also learn to accept things that aren’t in your control. And as mentioned, always be aware that outer things, like possessions and other people, can’t make you happy. Nevertheless, you can find satisfaction and happiness through the actions you take with things and relationships. For example, a computer can’t make you happy, but what you can do with a computer can, because it helps you create value and contribute.

You should have the strength to accept the things you cannot change in life, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

You should never feel like a victim, because it takes away your personal power. You can always regroup and rephrase your goals so that you have more control, even if it only means changing the angle of how you look at things. In the end, the ultimate control you have is the control over your judgments and your mental state or, in other words, how you interpret the things that happen to you.

Last but not least, you should respect and live in accordance with the human nature. Being a part of nature means that you’re a small part of a larger, organic system, shaped by many processes that are out of your control, including the behavior and actions of other people. Nonetheless, humans are predictable and you should pay attention not to what a person says but to how they behave (what they do).

Living in accordance with nature also means that hardship, pain, suffering and, of course, also death are all parts of nature and life, and thus inevitable. Life is like a river with a strong current: you can’t paddle against it, but you can decide whether you’re going to resist and suffer or accept it and handle it with good grace.

In order to accept life with good grace, you should invest a lot of effort into the struggle of controlling yourself. Do what you can, and be happy for your personal efforts and progress in life. If at first you don’t succeed, then try again and again. Don’t be afraid of slow improvement, be afraid of stopping and becoming a zombie. Your capacity for self-improvement and overcoming adversity in life isn’t fixed, but it can be increased with training and a selective, but progressive, exposure to stress. Or, in other words, regularly going out of the comfort zone.

Optimal thinking, cognitive reframing and holding your frame

As we’ve learned, the only thing that can really bring happiness in life is an excellent, rational and wise mental state. It’s also called optimal thinking. You should always ask yourself: what is the optimal thinking in my current situation? You’ll most often find that optimal thinking consists of the Zen and Stoic philosophies. No matter how bad of a situation you’re in, your best option is always to remind yourself of the following facts:
- Nothing lasts forever and this too shall pass.
- There is no ideal situation in life and pain is an inevitable part of it.
- I should make fun of winter with a cold morning shower.
- Life wants me to fight and grow, so I won’t feel sorry for myself and be a victim.
- My challenges are never bigger than my character or more important than my why.
- I can always find the positive in a negative situation.
- I should take a deep breath, smile, and innovate my way out.
- I have to focus on the positive and take action.
- You’re the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Act like it.
Every time you feel sorry for yourself, you should reframe your thoughts and change how you look at things. Cognitive reframing is a way of viewing and experiencing events, ideas, concepts and emotions to find more positive alternatives. Frame is the filter through which you perceive reality, and you can always find a new better frame. When you do, you should hold it strongly, because your mind (monkey), together with your emotions, will try to wander. Don’t slack off, hold your frame no matter what.

Paying attention and satisfying your needs

It’s true that you must have realistic expectations in life and not lose yourself in hedonism or materialism. Next to that, you also have to manage your ego and detach yourself from unhealthy attachments. But that’s only one part of the equation. As we said, you also have to be a moderate hedonist in the present.

That means that you must pay close attention to your needs and you must strive to satisfy these needs. You have to find the right balance between two extremes – one extreme being a monk, having absolutely nothing and detaching himself from everything, and the other extreme being a greedy, perpetually dissatisfied person only looking for surrogates (money, addictions etc.) to replace the lack of loving and healthy relationships and creating valuable things while enjoying the work.

It’s very easy to blame ego for both extremes, but poor ego does nothing but serves three masters and does what it can to bring them into harmony with one another. The three masters are id (primitive impulses), superego (rules, conflicts, morals etc.) and the external world with all its limitations. So you shouldn’t blame the ego for your unhappiness. You should pay more attention to your needs and find the right balance between id, superego and external limitations. A bitter person is a person who doesn’t pay attention to their real needs and doesn’t enjoy life. Therefore you should work hard on self-reflection and:
- Know what you want in life and enjoy it every day. Start with your life vision.
- Strive to have loving and deep relationships and a feeling of inner security
- Cultivate more rough energies and feelings (aggression, hate etc.) and wishes that can’t be fulfilled through sublimation (where wishes are channeled rather than dammed or diverted) with doing meaningful work, sports, arts, following meaningful goals and having a sense of humor
- Be an outstanding communicator and learn to communicate your wishes and desires with yourself and others
- Just do it, act, you have every right to fulfill your desires in the right civilized way
List of all the things you enjoy

It may sound silly, but if you don’t know how to be a moderate hedonist in life, you have to learn it. The first step you should do, if you don’t know how to properly enjoy life, is to make a list of all the things you really enjoy in life. The point of this exercise is just to become aware of all the things that make you happy and give you satisfaction in life. This exercise is especially important if you’re a workaholic or don’t know how to relax and enjoy everyday life.

The more bitter, tense and serious you are, the less you probably know how to really enjoy life and relax. You may not even know what really makes you happy and which things you enjoy. Therefore sit down, take a piece of paper and think of all the times in life when you forgot about the time and everything around you; think about the precious moments when you lost yourself in the moment and just really enjoyed the happening in the flow.

Here you can find my list, as an example, since I’m an extremely serious person and often forget how to enjoy life. From time to time, I look at the list and remind myself that I’m also here on this planet to enjoy life and experience as many things as possible.

General rules of personal happiness

Now it’s time to go from the philosophical level to more practical advice for other things you can do to be happier in life and live more in the present moment. There are seven general rules that contribute to your happiness and your ability to live more in the present. They can’t really make you happy per se, but if you follow the rules, you have greater chances of really being happy and a moderate hedonist in the present. If you have the right mental blueprint (framework) and a compassionate inner dialogue, these things do add to your everyday quality of life.

Have enough margin on a daily basis

You simply can’t live a happy and stress-free life if you don’t have enough margin in life. You can’t live happily in the present moment if you’re drowning in work, debt or negative relationships. Margin is the space between your load and your limits. Margin is the opposite of overload and a bigger margin leads to higher quality and happiness in life. Make sure you have enough margin to function without feeling overwhelmed day by day.

Here are some ideas for increasing margin in your life:
- Clean up your to-do list
- Kill some projects that don’t bring a lot of value
- Don’t go out every weekend but take time for yourself
- Delete all unread e-mails that are older than two weeks
- Change your phone number and give it only to a few people
- Delete your social media accounts
- Get rid of your smart phone etc.
- Have an emergency fund for at least 6 months of your monthly costs
Exercise regularly

Healthy mind in a healthy body. Period. There are so many benefits of exercise, but you already know that. Especially doing exercise in nature. Here, you can find 50 benefits of exercise and physical activity.

If you don’t like to exercise, walk 30 minutes every day. Walk to your office. Walk and talk with your spouse in the afternoon in the nature. As an alternative, you can also exercise by taking care of your garden or doing a sport you love or anything else that gets your body moving.

Even better than just walking is torturing your fat until it cries (a.k.a. sweats) like a little baby four to five times per week. Combine aerobic and anaerobic exercise and regularly take care of your body with grooming, spa, massages and so on.

Next to that, get enough sleep every night, eat healthy and don’t forget about passionate sex. Drink enough water, add veggies to every meal and help yourself with food supplements if needed. Also take care of your posture and flexibility.

Never forget that your body is the vessel that holds your soul. Your body is a temple you must take care of. Your first priority should be to take care of yourself and your temple. An ill, obese or burnt-out person is rarely a happy person. So take care of your body and you’ll be repaid in many forms, including being happier in life. Exercise should be a part of you being a moderate hedonist in the present, day by day. At the end of the day, you’re always only one workout away from good mood.

Have deep connections and socialize

Greed, lust, envy, addictions and other destructive behaviors are all forms of a low capacity for love. They drag you away from personal happiness and real enjoyment of life. If you want to be happy in life, you have to love yourself first, develop a great capacity for love (feeling of inner security), and then you can also love others with all your heart. Love, not control or unhealthy attachment.

Have deep connections and socialize enough with:
- Your spouse
- Your primary and secondary family
- Your friends
You need three strong pillars of love and deep connections. Your spouse, your family and your friends. Deep and loving connections will fill you with love, joy and happiness. If you don’t socialize enough and spend quality time with the people you love, you have zero chances of being happy in life. Love yourself, be connected, and love other people. Life can be tough and we’re here to help each other with loving and supportive energies.

Work on something meaningful

You can’t be a happy person and live in the present moment if you hate your job. You spend more than a third of your time at your workplace. If you don’t like what you do and the culture of the company where you work, you’ll be miserable. You simply can’t be happy if you spend 8 – 10 hours in a place you hate. Emotions carry over to you from the atmosphere and other people you spend time with. Unhappy people, unhappy environment, unhappy you; not living in the present moment but only feeling sorry for yourself and living a fatalist life.

Therefore a very important goal you should have in life in order to be happy is finding meaningful work and an environment where you can thrive. You must feel good about your work and contributing to the society, creating value and being a part of an organization that has encouraging culture and a powerful mission. That kind of an environment and people won’t come to you, you have to fight and find your fit.

People who love their job thrive, people who hate their job die inside.

When you’re working, you should be in the flow for as much time as possible. The flow is an elusive state of hyper-performance where you forget about everything and just create, create and create. Hours can pass without you noticing. Usually it’s for a task that’s a little bit more challenging than your skillset and you just can’t wait to undertake the challenge, learn, create value and overcome any obstacle on the path. That means being fully in the present moment in a god-like state.

At this point, we also have to mention money. Up to 100.000 $ of annual income (depends on where you live, of course, but let’s say around double the average salary), money is a great contributor to happiness and living a relaxed life in the present moment. After that, money can’t really contribute to your happiness anymore. If you’re poor, you definitely have a hard time being happy.

Forget the myth that poor and fat people are happy people. Money solves many problems in life. You shouldn’t expect that money will make you happy, but you need to develop your competence level to the point where you earn enough money and being poor doesn’t take away your happiness.
- Step 1: Develop emotional security and strong social connections.
- Step 2: Develop enough inner resources (competences) that you trust yourself and know you can always create enough outer resources. Find meaningful work that you will master and enjoy, and with which you will contribute to the world.
- Step 3: Earn enough money and have enough wealth that you don’t struggle by living from paycheck to paycheck.
The path matters, not the end

For everything you want in life, there’s always a process before the final event (getting what you want). Respect and follow the process, and you’ll get to the goal someday. It’s better to arrive late than to arrive ugly. In other words, the only place where success comes before hard work is in the dictionary. Everything you want in life, you can get by following a carefully orchestrated process.

But you should definitely enjoy the whole process not only the final event. You should enjoy learning, growing, overcoming obstacles, facing new challenges and finding new, better ways to do things. You should enjoy innovating, day-to-day work and unexpected challenges while staying agile about how you will get to your goal. Success is never a linear path. Focus on the process, focus on the path and just enjoy the ride. It’s an important part of the life experience.

Trust yourself and have faith in life

Have you ever asked yourself why some people are happy by default and others aren’t? Well, most often the reason is that they were raised in a positive and happy environment, where they were able to develop inner security and faith in life. Their inner dialog is positive, they believe in themselves, they trust in life and, as optimists, look on the bright side of life.

If you want to be happy, you also need to develop that kind of inner security and faith in life, if you haven’t gotten it from your primary and secondary socialization. There are many tools for developing more psychological capital and faith in life and inner security, from cognitive psychology, psychotherapy, meditation, transactional analysis, trauma release exercises, yoga, neuro-linguistic programming and many other methods. You must find the method that works for you and suits you best.

If you’re insecure, everything that doesn’t go according to your expectations will annoy you and negative feelings will prevail. The more insecure you are, the smaller the things that will drive you mad and throw you off. You can’t be happy if you’re constantly mad. You can’t be happy if you don’t know how to adapt and stay flexible. So if you aren’t feeling emotionally secure, that is where you should begin to feel happier in life and live more in the present moment.

At this point, it’s also important to mention overall realistic expectations. With all the exposure to ads, marketing and products, we often gain unrealistic expectations for life. According to the media world, you should be beautiful, smart, rich, stylish and a hundred other things. That’s totally unrealistic. The more unrealistic expectations you have towards life, the greater the disappointments that await you; and there goes your happiness. Thus you must have realistic expectations towards your life and what you can achieve and experience.

Have positive thoughts

You can’t live a positive life with a negative mind. Only positive thoughts are the ones that lead to happiness. But what are positive thoughts, really? Positive thoughts are the thoughts of connecting. You can’t have a positive and a negative thought at the same time. You also can’t have a thought of connecting and a thought of division at the same time. You either bring closer or push away.

Thoughts of connecting are thoughts that bring everything closer, and their energy is gentle, tolerant, open, creative and welcoming. Every time your thoughts aren’t connecting people, ideas and things, flip your mind over and do the opposite. Connect.
- Do you want to gossip about your coworker? Invite them for coffee instead.
- Are you mad at your partner for not putting down the toilet lid? Hug and kiss them good night instead, and just forget about it.
- You don’t like something about yourself and it’s all over your mind? Instead find positive things about yourself and change your inner dialogue. Be more connected to yourself.
Things aren’t that simple, of course. You can’t just start thinking positively. If your mind is occupied with negative thoughts and cognitive distortions a lot, you can help yourself with emotional accounting. First of all, count all your negative thoughts, just to become aware of them. In the second step, start correcting your negative thoughts. For example: if your initial thought is “I’m so clumsy”, correct it with something like “I may sometimes spill milk, but so do other people and it only happens to me occasionally, therefore I’m not really clumsy.” Here you can learn more about how to do emotional accounting. If that is too hard for you, start with listening to your body as mentioned in the beginning of this blog post.

Additional ideas for living in the present moment

To slowly end the article, here are ten additional ideas that may help you live more in the present moment:
- Do one thing at a time. Use different speeds for different types of tasks.
- Do that one thing with an inner smile, slowly and consistently
- Shut down all your smart devices, IM apps, and everything else that distracts you.
- Take 5 minutes off and stretch.
- Walk more slowly and eat more slowly.
- Be grateful and appreciate that another day was given to you.
- Hug the people you love and compliment the people you meet.
- Remind yourself of your whys and that they’re much more important than any problem or worry you have to face in life.
- Say Fuck it out loud when something goes wrong and continue with your work.
- Only spend time with people who are happy most of the time and who support you.
How to get a good night’s sleep

Sleep is the part of life when you recharge your batteries and gather new strengths, especially to overcome daily challenges. A sufficient amount of sleep is necessary for functioning creatively, leading a healthy lifestyle and enjoying everyday life. But oftentimes, you don’t give enough time to sleep, convinced that you’ll be able to do more throughout the day; or you might be even suffering from insomnia.

However, in the long run, you’re actually doing yourself a lot of harm with a lack of sleep. Both your productivity and your creative abilities fall, you’re significantly more irritable and sensitive, and a lack of sleep can also lead to chronic fatigue and diseases. I absolutely agree that needing less sleep than others is a huge advantage. But despite that, it’s necessary that you ensure that you get as much sleep as you need. Nevertheless, your health should be in the first place.

I myself need eight hours of sleep, because otherwise I just don’t function like I should. I wade through the day more than live it, I’m less focused, I lose sensory sharpness, and I could go on. If I don’t sleep enough for a longer period of time, I get sick very quickly. Besides that, I’m also very sensitive to various conditions that have to be fulfilled in order for me to fall asleep easily. This is why I spent some more time thinking about what truly contributes to a good night’s sleep.

Let’s look at a few key elements that contribute to you waking up well-rested. Here are 24 secrets how to get a good night’s sleep:

24 best pieces of advice how to get a good night’s sleep:

1. No food four hours before sleep

Food habits take the first place by far. If you eat right before sleep, the body uses up energy mostly for digestion instead of resting and regenerating. Whenever I’m at a business or private dinner and I “stuff myself” with food, I wake up feeling more or less sleep-deprived the next day. Food before bed kills peaceful sleep as well as contributes to excess body weight the most. You simply do yourself a huge favour if you don’t eat in the evening; it’s best if you eat nothing after seven o’clock.

That’s why the first rule that you should try to follow is no food at least three to four hours before sleep. Better four hours. Even if it’s necessary to turn down an invitation to a business dinner – better to do lunch instead. If you don’t manage to eat anything after lunch until the evening, it makes sense to eat something light, no meals that are complex or difficult to digest. Trust me, whenever you eat something heavy or in big quantities in the evening, you’ll always be sorry the next day. Very sorry.

2. No screens two hours before bed

Besides food, devices with an active screen right before sleep are the biggest enemies of peaceful rest. An active screen strongly stimulates the eyes and the brain, and so you’re simply not ready to sleep. The rule you should try to follow is no active screens at least two hours before sleep. And you shouldn’t watch television anyway. If you find it problematic to not have an iPad or any other device in your hands, increase the transaction costs. Only have your iPad far away in the office.

The only acceptable device in the evening is Amazon’s Kindle, which has a passive screen. It’s similar to reading a book, but you can have an unlimited amount of books in a single book. In short, your brain will understand that Kindle is not a “computer”. The only thing you have to be careful about is reading something light before sleep. Classic literature or math equations will make your brain go crazy and you definitely won’t fall asleep easily.

It’s also essential that you don’t have electrical devices, such as clocks and similar, near your heads during sleep. Instead, they should be as far away as possible. It’s especially crucial that they don’t shine. The more electrical devices that you have turned on in your bedroom, even if they don’t give off light, the harder you’ll fall asleep; much less if they do give off light.

3. Go to sleep before midnight

I once read that each hour of sleep before midnight counts double. Well, I don’t know if that’s true for everyone, but I definitely wake up significantly better rested if I go to bed before midnight. Every time I distract myself with something, be it a computer, work or reading, and stay up an hour or two after midnight, I regret it the next morning, even though I sleep for enough hours.

On top of that, it’s harder for me to fall asleep if I look at the screen before midnight. If it’s at all possible – which it usually is, except for a few rare days – go to sleep before midnight. Try it and see for yourself if going to sleep before midnight has any effect on how well rested you wake up the next day.

4. A sufficient amount of sleep

The number of hours of sleep that you afford is, of course, crucial for how well-rested you’ll wake up. Experts recommend 7 to 8 hours of sleep. For me personally, 7 hours of sleep is too little. I feel that I’m not rested enough throughout the entire day. I’ve accepted this and I try to sleep around 8 hours as many days a week as possible.

Even though I have an hour less at my disposal, I do a lot more with the given time. Some can simply function normally with only 6 hours of sleep. If that’s really enough and not taking advantage of the body, so much the better. They also say that you need less and less sleep as you get older. Well, this hasn’t happened with me yet, but it might be true.

It’s also known that too much sleep has a negative effect on well-being, which I can also confirm on the basis of my own experience. With me, it’s somehow true that if I sleep more than 8.5 hours, I don’t feel like I should. Much like too little sleep, too much sleep isn’t good either. It’s best if you have a set internal clock and sleep schedule, and wake up exactly when you need to. Your body knows when to go to sleep and when to wake up better than a clock does.

5. Oxygen and temperature

The body needs oxygen, even during sleep. If you don’t believe me, try not breathing for a couple of minutes. This is why it’s recommended that you air out your bedroom before sleep, making it fresh and full of oxygen.

It’s even better to sleep with an open window; if you aren’t too cold, of course. Experts estimate that sleeping in a room where the temperature is too high isn’t that good. It’s best if the temperature is somewhat lower (approx. 18 – 22 degrees C). Everyone should figure that out for themselves. And for guys, lower temperature helps produce testosterone, which means better sexual performance at least.

Me, I wake up feeling the most rested at a lower temperature and an open window supplying a steady flow of fresh air. If you can’t sleep with an open window because you’re cold, at least air out the room before going to bed. But you should absolutely choose what suits you best.

6. Regular exercise

It’s no secret that regular exercise has a lot of positive effects. Even on sleep. Every single one of us can probably confirm that. During the periods when I exercise regularly, I fall asleep much more easily, I sleep better and wake up feeling better rested. During the periods when I don’t do regular exercise, my quality of sleep gets systematically worse from one week to the next. By exercising regularly, you can do yourself the biggest favour, especially for the quality of life.

But you have to figure out the time of day when exercise suits you best. I, for example, can’t fall asleep if I exercise before going to bed. Impossible. I have to exercise at least 3 to 4 hours before sleeping. Afternoon is best. Morning doesn’t suit me that well either, because then I feel slightly tired and constantly hungry throughout the day.

But some people prefer to exercise in the evening and then immediately fall asleep from tiredness. You have to listen to your body and figure out what suits you best. The charm lies in the fact that we’re all different – there are certain general guidelines, but all of us have to figure out what suits us best on our own.

7. Investing into a high-quality bed

One of the best investments you can make in life is a bed with the best possible mattress and bed sheets. The difference in sleep quality is incredible. It’s true that a quality bed isn’t cheap, but you shouldn’t see a quality bed as an expense but rather as an investment.

Depending on your sleep quality, you’ll be a lot better rested and more productive, which also means that you’ll enjoy life more and profit from the investment sooner or later.

8. Bed location

This element of good sleep strongly depends on whether you believe in energies or not. I do to a certain extent, therefore I’ve measured energy flows (water flows etc.) under my bed and made sure my bed isn’t near them. I cannot say whether this is important or not, but it’s definitely true that I sleep better in certain areas than in others. Each space definitely has its own energy. Some also swear on Feng shui when placing a bed. But this is truly an area where each individual has to figure out whether the bed location has any value added or not. I believe that some people are more sensible to energies than others, and if energies aren’t right for you in a certain place, then you can have problems with sleep, nightmares and similar.

9. No coffee, alcohol or drugs

By drinking coffee, you definitely confuse your internal clock. I myself have not been drinking coffee for a couple of years now, and I have no need for it. If you do drink coffee, the most suitable time is definitely in the morning. The closer to the evening that you are, the harder you’ll fall asleep if you drink coffee or your quality of sleep won’t be that good. So you have to be very careful when drinking it.

Same with alcohol. If it seems that alcohol and maybe even drugs relax you, the quality of sleep is actually significantly worse. It’s better to go for a quick jog than to help yourself out with alcohol or drugs. With these kinds of substances, you don’t do anything good for your body, neither in the short term nor in the long. By excessively consuming alcohol and drugs, you definitely damage your sleep quality as well as your health. You’re locking yourself into an emotional cage with no easy exit.

10. Dark and quiet

It’s scientifically proven that you sleep best in the dark and quiet. That’s why it’s important that the television is off, all noises are eliminated and the body is thus prepared for sleep. Dark also supposedly plays an important role in allowing all important chemical reactions during sleep to happen. It’s recommended to close the blinds and curtains, especially if the full moon is getting closer or already occurring (so that you don’t sleepwalk because of it).

I’m very sensitive and have a hard time falling asleep if I’m not in the dark and quiet. Introverts usually have that kind of problems. But I know a lot of people who aren’t bothered by that at all. They can fall asleep at any time and anywhere, no matter the conditions, as long as they’re sleepy enough. I can’t do that, so I also can’t really judge the quality of such sleep. You have to find out for yourself, but the dark and quiet will probably help.

11. No skin-tight underwear

An important finding originating from Taoism is the concept of energy flow (ch’i) in the body. You can really block your energy flow by wearing skin-tight underwear (one that squeezes the manhood or breasts). And it’s scientifically proven that it messes with the production of testosterone (for men).

Such energy blockades can strongly contribute to worse sleep. That’s why it might be a good idea to see if you find it easier and better to fall asleep in clothes that are meant for night sleep and aren’t too snug where they aren’t supposed to be. Pyjamas.

12. Let your worries flow away

It’s difficult to fall asleep and relax to the world of dreams if you’re troubled by difficult thoughts. It’s very important that before sleep, you let go of the worries and troubles arising from your negative thoughts. The burden of every day is enough on its own and it doesn’t make any sense to live worrying about what could happen tomorrow. That definitely doesn’t always work, but you have to do your best.

You can help yourself by drawing a hot bath before sleep, listening to relaxing music, reading relaxing content, meditation, visualisation, affirmations or any other tool that can relax you. If nothing else, you have dozens of smartphone apps that can help you relax (just don’t look at the screen).

Beside eating too much in the evening, I have the biggest problems with sleep if I’m bothered by negative thoughts and worries. Controlling your mind is thus an incredibly important life skill. Learn it.

13. No work two hours before sleep

Negative thoughts and intense feelings can also be caused by work responsibilities, especially if you focus on them right before sleep. They don’t have to be difficult duties at all. Even getting into the flow of some work and being chased by deadlines can contribute to you not being able to fall asleep.

That’s why it’s good that you finish work at least two hours before sleep. It’s even better if you’re ultra-productive for 8 hours, during which you can do all essential things, spend 8 hours charging your batteries and then devote the rest of the time to other activities that fill your life.

14. No liquids two hours before bed

It’s hard to get well-rested if you get up often during the night. Drinking water throughout the day is definitely crucial and it’s recommended that you have a flask with you the whole time.

But drinking water before sleep naturally forces you to get up more times that necessary during the night. That’s why it’s good to not drink anything at least two hours before bed; and before you head into the world of dreams, you shouldn’t forget to go to the toilet.

15. Going to sleep when you’re sleepy and intervals of sleepiness

The worst thing you can do is pressure yourself because you can’t fall asleep. If you lie down and try to fall asleep but can’t, that’s an excellent opportunity to take a book into your hands. You should go to sleep when you’re truly sleepy. But still get up at the same time every day.

Research says that sleep takes place in intervals that last about 90 minutes and that in each interval, different sleep phases take turns. At the start of the interval, you get sleepy. So if you aren’t sleepy, you should wait for the new cycle to begin.

I noticed that with myself as well. If I become sleepy and don’t go to sleep, I’m awake again and have to wait for quite some time to get sleepy again. It’s the worst if you get sleepy before midnight and don’t go to sleep, and then the new interval of sleepiness only comes late after midnight. As already mentioned, you’ll regret your decision the next day.

16. No annoying alarms

It’s best to wake up without an alarm. Once you have a set sleep schedule, that’s not difficult. Most days, I have no problems waking up without an alarm.

I do have my alarm on just in case, but it’s with relaxing music on my smartphone (far away from my head). Well, to feel better, I also have the more annoying one set for the extreme hour when it’s absolutely necessary to wake up, but I rarely need it. If you need an alarm clock, set some music or sounds to which you’ll wake up gladly.

17. The bed is (almost) exclusively for sleeping

Some experts emphasise that the bed should only be for sleeping. Well, and for one other activity – sex, of course. The brain is thus supposed to associate bed with sleep and once you lie down, you simply fall asleep; after having sex. Maybe that has a big effect on some people. I haven’t noticed a significant difference if I also use my bed for reading, meditating, listening to music etc.

18. Fresh bed sheets and a shower

It’s necessary that before sleep, you wash out all the “dirt” that you collected during the day. You’ll feel significantly better. Morning and evening showers have an incredibly beneficent effect on peaceful sleep as well as on productivity and well-being during the day.

Of course a freshly washed body feels best with fresh bed sheets, which have to be changed often enough. New and fresh brings nice things and events into your life.

19. Dream diary

Some people benefit a lot from keeping a sleep diary (hour, quality of sleep, dreams, experiences etc.). A dream diary is most useful when you’re experimenting with what suits you and what doesn’t, but it definitely also has value added if you monitor your dreams, especially if psychology is close to us. I don’t keep a dream diary myself, except sometimes when I use my subconscious to solve complex problems or when I don’t understand a part of myself well enough.

Investing energy into keeping a dream diary signals that you’re prepared to take enough time for yourself, your quality of life and good sleep. If you keep a dream diary, I’m sure that you’ll also take care of all the other elements that contribute to better sleep. Sometimes, the best strategy is starting with the thing that requires the most energy and effort, because everything else seems significantly easier afterwards.

20. If you wake up feeling sleep-deprived, accept it

Sometimes, it just doesn’t work any other way and you wake up feeling sleep-deprived; maybe because of work, difficult thoughts, food or anything else. Accept that and don’t worry.

Go through your day as calmly as possible, and don’t make the same mistake in the evening. The worst thing you can do is to burden an underslept body and spirit with additional worries that don’t make any sense. Even if you aren’t able to fall asleep for several days in a row, it’s important to accept that and do everything you can to get back to your set sleep schedule. No additional pressure.

21. Set sleep schedule

It’s best if you create your own sleep schedule with your habits as soon as possible. Wake up every day at the same time and go to sleep before midnight. The steadier that your sleep schedule is every day, the more easily you fall asleep and the better rested you wake up.

It’s also useful to know the concepts of a morning and evening type of person. If your responsibilities allow you, you can also probably turn your schedule around (being awake at night and sleeping during the day) and still wake up feeling well-rested. A turned-around sleep schedule is mostly characteristic of creatives, musicians, visionaries, thinkers and even entrepreneurs, in a certain stage. But you still have to make an assessment for yourself and decide if the turned-around sleep schedule allows you to get enough sleep and rest, and not walk around the world as zombies.

22. Catch up on lost sleep

Of course there are also exceptional periods when you have to grit your teeth and give up on sleep – before exams, work deadlines, when a baby joins the family etc. So sometimes you pull an all-nighter or spend an entire week or even several weeks not sleeping much. That’s when it’s crucial that you don’t overwhelm your body with other things and that you catch up on sleep as soon as possible. If not sooner, then weekends are an ideal opportunity to return what you took from the body. It’s especially important that you try to strain your body like that as rarely as possible. After all, you do a lot of energy harm to yourself with a lack of sleep and sooner or later, there will be time when you have to pay the bill for taking advantage of your body.

23. Be careful with naps

Some people can simply substitute lost sleep with a nap; others have a lot more difficulty. In the Western society, an afternoon nap like that is often called a “power nap”. It’s only up to you to find out what suits you. It doesn’t suit me at all. If I fall asleep for just 5 minutes in the afternoon, I won’t be able to fall asleep late into the night. Strange, I know, but that’s just how it is. Even if I’m underslept, I prefer to hold out until the evening and then go to bed an hour early. But I know a lot of people who simply need a power nap and afterwards, they wake up full of new energy.

An afternoon nap mostly suits those whose work enthusiasm decreases somewhat during the afternoon. Then they can fall asleep without problems in the evening as well. It’s true that there are certain guidelines on how to get a good night’s sleep, but everyone needs to find out what suits them best. Experiment and find out for yourself.

24. So little is needed

Most advice for better sleep in this article requires an input of several minutes of energy each day. Don’t let procrastination or laziness encroach upon the best possible sleep that you so strongly deserve. So little is needed in life for you to get the sweetest experiences. Remember: your job isn’t to do remarkable things, but to make everyday things remarkable, which also includes getting a good night’s sleep. I wish you a lot of peaceful sleep!
Positive orientation towards your past
We know three time zones – the past, the present and the future; all three time zones very much define your life, from who you are to where you were, where you are and where you’re going. The renowned psychologist Philip Zimbardo, who was also responsible for the (in)famous Stanford Prison Experiment, found that the way you orient yourself towards your past, present and future defines your level of success and happiness. His suggestion is that you calibrate your outlook on time to improve the quality of your life.

You have two options for your orientation for every time zone (past, present, future). You can focus on the positives or the negatives from your past. You can be a hedonist or a fatalist in the present. And for your future, you can be goal-oriented or oriented towards post-life rewards, like going to heaven.

The best combination for improving your life is having a positive orientation towards the past, being a moderate hedonist in the present and being goal-oriented towards the future; but not so much goal-oriented towards the future that you also live in the future and forget to enjoy the present. That way, the past gives you strong roots and foundations, your present gives you feelings of personal power and proactive behavior, and your future gives you the wings to seize all the things you want in life.

Past Present Future

Positives

Negatives
Hedonist

Fatalist
Goal-oriented

Post-life rewards

Any other combination gives much worse results. If you’re focused on the negatives from your past, you hinder yourself with anger and depression and can’t act in the present, if you’re a fatalist in the present, you never act and you place all your freedom and personal power into the hands of others, and being oriented only towards post-life rewards doesn’t give you any ambition to fulfill your own desires and needs. You must also be careful to not be too big of a hedonist in the present, not thinking about the future at all, or be too goal-oriented, not enjoying the present at all. The latter only brings anxiety and a potential burnout into your life.

If we focus more on the past now, the question is how to switch your orientation towards your past (from negative to positive), especially to see all the positive things that happened to you, not only the negatives.

There are four things that can help you have a more positive orientation towards your past, if you have any struggles with that (I hope you had such a nice past that you don’t, but many people do have struggles). Here they are:
1. Accepting your starting point and being honest with yourself about your limitations
2. Having a list of personal strengths
3. Having a list of your past accomplishments
4. Having a list of things you’re grateful for
Accepting your starting point

If you had a good starting point in life, accepting your starting point is the easy thing to do. The shittier the starting situation you had in life, the harder it may be to accept it. The most important part of your starting point is how much sense of emotional security you have and how much love and affection you received, especially from your mother from when you were born to up to five years of age or so.

Well, it all contributes to the feeling of emotional security – the relationship with your parents, the relationship between them and other primary family members, how stable your environment was at an early age, and so on. Let’s also not forget about the quality of the genes you got and the intelligence level you inherited (nonetheless, this can be developed to a certain extent later on with hard work).

Then we have upbringing. There’s a strong correlation between how much energy your parents invested into your upbringing and your potential for success. The more they read to you, took you to museums, music festivals, art shows, sports games and the more they encouraged your hobbies and confidence, the more talents you could develop and the better picture you got of how the world works and all the possibilities.

If they were too critical, they may have hindered your self-esteem forever; if they never let you overcome challenges completely by yourself, you may feel that you always need someone to push you to do something. Their behavioral patterns for money, running a household, diet and so on, their values and beliefs more or less became a part of your personality, also influencing your destiny.

On top of that, we also have your family’s wealth and their social network, the quality of formal education, the country you were born in, market and social trends, political and economic stability, the technological development level of your country, demographic trends, cultural inheritance and many other factors that define your starting point. Where you were born and to whom are two of the biggest advantages you can have in life.

You starting point may be great, it may be average or it may suck. You can’t change your past, the only thing that you can do is accept it. The good news is that in your adult life, you have the power to change many things. Your starting point may somehow limit your potential, but only to a certain extent. If you take full responsibility for your thoughts, words, emotions, attitude and actions, you can achieve a lot in life, no matter how tough your starting point was. But how can you accept your starting point?

If your past was really traumatic, one way to deal with it is cognitive psychology. With emotional accounting, you can identify cognitive distortions or negative thoughts that influence your dark perception of life and yourself, and correct them. Besides that, there are many other tools for building emotional stability that are more or less scientific, for example psychotherapy, meditation, transactional analysis, trauma release exercises, yoga and many other methods. You have to search and try different options and find the right tool, the right fit that can help you the most with managing your emotions.

If you hadn’t had such a harsh and traumatic past that you need to deal with it with professional help, but still have a hard time making peace with it, let’s look at some less scientific and lighter tools and techniques that can help you see your past more positively.

Seeing what you did get, not only what you didn’t

The first step you can make is focus on the positives. You cannot change what happened, only how you view it. Your past cannot be changed and it may never be forgotten, but it can always be used. No matter how bad your starting point was, there must be positive things you got, be it on the physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual or material level. You should be focused on the thing you did get, not only on what you didn’t. There are, of course, big differences in starting points, but nobody gets everything and nobody gets nothing. Try to find the things that you got, the things you’re proud of, the lucky parts of your past that you’re grateful for. Add them to your gratitude list (more about that at the end of the article).

Your job is to diminish the gap

You have three missions in this life. One is to enjoy life, the second one to contribute (create value) and the third to personally grow, to become the best possible version of yourself. Personal growth is nothing but diminishing the gap between your starting point and who you want to become (your ideal self). Obviously the worse your starting point and the bigger your ambitions, the bigger the gap. But that’s the job you have to do, that’s your mission.

The bigger the gap, the bigger the opportunity for you to grow. The bigger the gap, the more demanding the level you’re playing the game of life in. Consequently, you can become much more skillful and resourceful.

At one point, you realize that you only have two choices in life – the blue or the red pill. You can either feel sorry for yourself for the rest of your life or you take full responsibility for your life and how things are. If you have emotional issues, you talk to a therapist, if you want to progress intellectually, you read, do math or whatever, if you have bad relationship patterns, you read everything about relationships and commit to becoming an authority on how to excel in relationships, if all of your ancestors were fat and you inherited genes that make you gain weight faster, interrupt the unhealthy pattern and become obsessed with being totally fit and living a healthy lifestyle. Whatever it is, you have to take responsibility and deal with it at some point. As I’ve already mentioned, that’s one of your missions in this life, something that life expects from you.

You also have to know that accepting your past is not a one-time event, it’s a process. It’s a process of ups and downs; the harder the past, the longer the process with all its highs and lows. But it can be done. If we look at the bottom line, your past may shape your present, but it can’t control it.

Having a realistic perspective of wealth

Your family’s wealth is, of course, a very important part of your starting point. But you must have realistic perspective of where you stand. Usually people are in a much better position than they think. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have ambitions to earn more and acquire more wealth in the future, but when we’re talking about the inherited wealth and your family’s wealth, you should know where you stand.

These figures may not be totally accurate, but just so that you get the general picture and a feeling of how poor the word really is. If you have around 2,200$ in the bank, you’re in the top 50% of the wealthiest people in this world. If you have 60,000$ of assets, you’re among the 10% of the richest adults in the world and if you earn 25,000$ or more annually, you’re in the top 10% of the world’s income-earners. If you have more than 50,000$ of income per year, you’re in the top 1% of the world’s income earners and if you have more than 500,000$ in assets, you’re part of the richest 1% of the world (source: MSN Money).

GlobalRichList may help you see your more exact wealth position. The point is: it doesn’t matter if your parents helped you financially or not, you’re probably the lucky one from the macro perspective, and you should be thankful for that.

List of your personal strengths

Your past is the reason behind who you are, with all your strengths and weaknesses. You may not like certain parts of your character, but you should definitely be proud of your strengths. And let me repeat that again: your strengths are a consequence of your past.

A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor. Good times are only producing soft people. So your strengths more or less developed from the tough times in your past. The stronger you are, the more difficult situations you probably had to encounter.

Therefore you should definitely perform a personal SWOT analysis, in which you list all your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats; you should see all the strengths you acquired as the aftermath of the battles you fought in the past.

Last but not least, you mustn’t forget. Strength aren’t only muscles and power and being better than others at something. The strengths also mean admitting all the limitations you have, being humble and knowing also how to be interdependent relationships, and being loving and caring towards others. Love and tenderness are the biggest strengths you can have in life. To act out of love is not the same as being soft and naïve.
- Here you can find my personal SWOT analysis as an example.
List of your past accomplishments

Your brain has a function that can sometimes protect you from dying, but often also clouds your self-image and self-esteem. What am I talking about? Your brain functions in a way that you remember bad events that happened to you much better and vigorously than good events from your past. Delivered a good speech on a stage. Okay, whatever. Delivered a bad speech. Oh, let’s really remember it, especially before speaking the next time.

Back when humans were still living in a jungle, your brain had to make sure you really remembered everything dangerous – from meeting a tiger to touching fire. The more the world we live in develops, the fewer times you encounter life-threatening situations. Despite that, the same biological mechanism still applies, but instead of meeting a tiger you really remember all the times when you’re in a really stressful situation (like public speaking or whatever) or you failed at something that caused you a lot of emotional stress. Your brain, together with all the strong negative emotions, remembers those moments very well and tries to protect you from doing the same thing again. That is also why comfort zone is so cozy.

On the other hand, all your achievements, moments of success and victories are not that special because they aren’t life-threatening. So there’s no need for remembering them. You tend to quickly forget about all your past victories, especially in the long run. In the short term, victories encourage you to achieve even more and boost your self-esteem, but when the first failure comes, you can quickly forget about all the past victories you achieved and see only your past failures.

A good solution for focusing your brain on the right things is to have a list of your past accomplishments. When your self-esteem goes down or you feel bad after a failure, you should look at the list, just to remind yourself that you’re a winner and that you have many past accomplishments. Every single person on the planet has bigger or smaller accomplishments in their lives that they can list and that can definitely help them see the past in a more positive way.
- Here is the list of my accomplishments as an example.
Gratitude list

The last technique that can help you to see your past more positively is a gratitude list. Many times, you simply forget how much you already have and all the things that you can be grateful for.

Gratitude shifts your focus from what your life lacks to the abundance that’s already present. Research in psychology has shown that being thankful makes you happier and healthier, it reduces stress and makes you stronger and more resilient. If you remind yourself what you are grateful for every morning, it will definitely increase your level of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, optimism and energy in everyday life.

If you don’t know what to be grateful for, here are some ideas. You can be grateful that you woke up this morning, breathing and with a heartbeat. Life itself is a precious gift. You can be grateful for your health, spouse, family, friends, the employment or business you have, the value you’re able to create, your genes, looks, the outdoors, the technology you can use, the things you own, food and shelter, free time, things you enjoy and so on. If you need additional ideas, you can find many good ideas online, simply search for things to be thankful for in life, although it’s much better if you write them down straight from your heart.

By practicing everyday gratitude, you’ll put your life into a more positive perspective, you’ll realize how much you already really have and you’ll definitely accept your past more easily. With your personal gratitude list, you’ll constantly be aware of the wonderful things in your life.

It may be hard to begin, but you should see gratitude as an emotional muscle that will grow and strengthen with use. There’s always something to be grateful for, so make your list. Last but not least, the more gratitude you have in your life, the more you open yourself up for abundance, meaning getting even more excited about your future.

If you think successful people don’t do that kind of stuff, you’re wrong. Extraordinary results demand an extraordinary way of thinking and actions, that’s a fact. Average people only read about it, successful people really do it. Let me give you an example.

Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of Facebook, sets himself annual challenges. In 2010, he committed to learning Mandarin, in 2011 to eating only animals he slaughtered himself, and in 2013 to meeting someone new each day. And guess what, in 2014 he wrote at least one well-considered thank you note every day (Source: Bloomberg).
- Here is the list of things I am grateful for as an example
Tools to help you with self-reflection
Self-reflection is about asking yourself thought-provoking questions so that you can develop a deeper level of understanding yourself. The biggest value added of self-reflection is that you can change how you see yourself and how you feel about certain situations and, in the end, how you act. New thoughts lead to new emotions and consequently to new actions.

Nevertheless, performing self-reflection regularly isn’t easy, especially in the beginning. We are so busy that we often lose touch with ourselves, and all the different distractions and responsibilities prevent us from really listening to our true self. We most often only hear our inner voice when it comes out as a critique of ourselves or others. All that leads to negative thinking and emotional repression.

Starting with self-reflection activities is similar to starting with meditation. It feels uncomfortable in the beginning and you aren’t even sure what to do. Much like it’s hard to quiet down your thoughts and focus, so it is hard to listen to your thoughts and analyse them. Below are some techniques that can help you perform self-reflection. These techniques will help you the most when you first start thinking about yourself and start getting to know yourself. Different techniques simply mean looking at yourself from different directions and observing what works best for you.

Your ideal and ought self

There are three basic versions of yourself. The first is your actual self, which is your representation of the attributes you believe you actually possess. It’s also about the attributes you think other people believe you possess. The second is your ideal self. Your ideal self is all about the attributes you would like to possess or other people want you possess. Your ideal self is what motivates you to change, improve and achieve goals. The third is your ought self and it’s not about who you’d like to be, but about who you and others believe you should be.

Your first step should be to make a persona (clear character representation) about your actual self, ideal self and ought self. In the second step, you should thoroughly analyse who you are, who you want to become and what the social expectations connected to your feelings and behaviours are like in different situations. Ask yourself questions like:
- Why do I want to become [enter your characteristic]? Who in my life was/is like that?
- Who would I make proud if I were [enter your characteristic]? Why?
- How are my feelings in certain situations connected with my actual, ideal and ought self?
- Am I pushing myself to be something I’m actually not?
- Am I doing something I’m not just because others are expecting me to?
Empathy map

The second tool that can help you with self-reflection and engaging all your main senses is an empathy map. The main value added of this tool is that it helps you identify your needs and the disconnections between what you say and what you do. Identifying such a disconnection should present an insight about yourself.

Source: Copyblogger

It’s called an empathy map, because the tool helps you practice intellectual identification of feelings, thoughts or attitudes, in our case of yourself, and helps you try to analyse those feelings, thoughts or attitudes. In business, you use an empathy map to put yourself in the shoes of your customer. In self-reflection, we can use an empathy map to empathically analyse ourselves from a third-person perspective.

You simply draw four quadrants. Every quadrant represents a different angle. You think about a situation that awakens specific emotions in you (for example, a fight with your spouse) and analyse yourself from four different angles:
- SAY: What are some of the quotes and defining words you said in the situation?
- DO: What actions did you do and which behaviours did you notice in yourself? What is the behavioural pattern you can identify?
- THINK: What were you thinking in that situation? What does this tell you about your beliefs?
- FEEL: What emotions were you feeling? Why? Which past situation do they most remind you of?
You should also have a fifth quadrant, where you put all your insights and ideas. Here are some additional questions that will help you with self-reflection when you’re drawing up an empathy map:
- How is the situation connected to your fears and hopes? What are your fears? What are your hopes? Which of your needs are met or not met in that situation?
- What was the environment in which you encountered the situation? What do you remember from the environment? How did you find yourself in that environment and why? What was your sight focused on?
- What hurts you most in the situation or makes you feel good about the situation?
- Is this a typical or atypical situation for you? Do you often find yourself in similar situations where you say, do, think and feel the same things?
- What was the feedback you gathered from your environment – other people?
- What are all the positives about the situation? What can you learn about yourself, others and the world by experiencing that kind of a situation?
When answering these questions, be very careful to avoid cognitive distortions and to not reinforce negative feelings. Try to go deep and identify why you feel like you do and pull yourself out of being a victim. Just observe, don’t judge.

Whys

Asking yourself “why” encourages analytical flow and helps you get to the root of the problem. First describe the situation (I was fired/hired etc.) or a certain feeling (I’m in a bad/good mood etc.). After describing your situation, start asking yourself why. Do it at least five times, ten times if necessary. It will lead you to new insights about yourself.

The second thing you can do is not to go after the cause of the situation analytically by asking yourself why, but asking yourself why to look at the situation from many different angles. You simply brainstorm every why question you can think of and you find your answer. Then you continue by asking yourself “why” five times before brainstorming a new question. You can start with the following questions:
- Why do I feel the way I feel? … Why? … Why? … Why? … Why? … Why?
- Why do I feel so small or so important?
- Why did I find myself in this situation? Why do I see the situation as so positive/negative?
- Why are my beliefs and actions so different from other people’s?
- Why don’t I look for positive elements of the situation? Why do I see the situation as black or white?
- Why am I labelling myself or others? Why do other people see me like they do?
- Why don’t I do the opposite? … Why? … Why? … Why? … Why? … Why?
Happiness index and happiness chart

The funny thing is that in your daily life, you are often so busy that you aren’t even aware of how you’re really feeling. If you aren’t supper happy, angry, depressed or feeling some other extreme emotion, you just go through the day like you’re used to. Some people smile because they’re used to it, some people are grumpy all day because they’re used to it, and so on. You wear a social mask out of habit.

Happiness Index, Source: Agile trail

One way to identify your feelings better is to keep track of them. This is called emotional accounting. You have a simple chart with different indicators showing how happy you are. Every day, when you wake up, go to sleep or while working, you put an indicator on the chart, indicating how you’re feeling. Then you can continue with “why”. You also have many apps for entering your daily emotional states.

You can use the happiness chart for many other things. For your personal relationships, for example. Every partner simply marks how satisfied he or she is with the relationship every day. When the mark of one partner goes below a certain level, it’s time to talk and communicate more intensively.

Life satisfaction chart

One good way to start with self-reflection is to make a life satisfaction chart. You draw a scale from 1 to 10 horizontally and list all ten areas of life vertically:
- You
- Health
- Relationships
- Money
- Career
- Emotions
- Competences
- Fun
- Spirituality
- Technology
You assess every area of life from 1 to 10. In the second step, you take another look at all areas you assessed with 4, 5, 6 or 7. These are the areas where you’re averagely satisfied. It’s much easier to start reflecting if you have a more shaped and clearer view of whether you’re satisfied with a specific area of life or not. So assess life areas again, but now by using only the numbers 1, 2, 3, 8, 9 and 10. Highlight every 1, 2 and 3 with red, and every 8, 9 and 10 with green. Now start asking yourself “why” for all ten areas of life.

De Bono thinking hats

Edward de Bono is a worldwide known physician, author, inventor and consultant. He invented the term “lateral thinking” and wrote the book The Six Thinking Hats. The Six thinking hats method is often used in schools as a learning tool, as well as in creative teams, because it’s a simple, effective parallel thinking process that helps people be more productive, focused, and mindfully involved. The main idea is that by mentally wearing and switching “hats”, you can easily focus or redirect thoughts, a conversation, or a meeting.

Changing hats and looking at a situation and ourselves from different perspectives can also help us when we’re doing self-reflection. A new angle on yourself or the situation can give you a new perspective and a new insight. Moreover, using different hats is quite fun.

You have six different hats and every hat represents a very narrow, focused and specific angle:
- Blue hat: Describing and identifying the situation and managing the process
- White hat: Facts and information
- Yellow hat: Positives, benefits, advantages
- Black hat: Difficulties, dangers, what is wrong (don’t overuse)
- Red hat: Feeling, hunches, intuitions
- Green hat: Possibilities, alternatives and new ideas
A very important part is that after you write down your perspectives of all five different angles, you start asking yourself “why” and discovering your deeper thoughts, beliefs and subconscious reactions and behaviours.

Force field analysis

Force field analysis is a framework for looking at factors – different outside forces that influence your situation. You analyse forces that are either helping you towards your goal or need, or blocking your desired movement. On the one hand, you have driving forces that are positive forces for change, and on the other, you have restraining forces that are obstacles to change.

Much like you have outside forces that are blocking your way towards your goals and needs, and that are causing frustrations, so you also have internal blockers that are causing internal conflicts. You have internal drivers and blockers as well as outside factors that are helping you or blocking you. If opposite drivers (pluses and minuses) are too strong and equalize, you may be trapped in the same place, feeling frustrated and in internal conflict, instead of moving forward. It’s like having one leg on the gas pedal and the other on the brake.

Don’t forget that your external environment is often connected to your inner state. Optimal thinking always includes staying flexible, agile, lean and positive. It’s about finding an innovative way out. If you can’t do that, you’re attached to a certain situation and to your inner state, and your job is to find out why.

Describe your situation in life and then analyse the following:
- Identify outer drivers. How are they connected to your thoughts and beliefs?
- Identify outer blockers. How are they connected to your thoughts and beliefs?
- Identify internal drivers. Where do they come from? What is driving you? Why?
- Identify internal blockers. Where do they come from? Why are you blocking yourself?
Gut test

It’s a very simple exercise to help you start self-reflecting. Describe your situation, quiet your mind for a moment, and listen to your gut feeling, intuition and hunches about what you should do and how you should decide. After that, start asking yourself why.

Meditation

One way to have a better connection with yourself is meditation. It’s a great tool for disciplining your mind. It also helps you observe your thoughts, especially in the beginning when you probably have trouble focusing and letting go. You should always carefully analyse things that come up during meditation. After finishing your meditation, you should start asking yourself questions, like why you were thinking specific thoughts, why they came up and how they made you feel, and so on.

Free associations

Free associations is a technique used in psychoanalysis. In the free association process, you’re expected to put all your thoughts into words without any filters, even if those thoughts are incoherent, inappropriate, rude, or seemingly irrelevant. Psychoanalysts encourage you to say anything that comes to mind.

It’s an advanced technique you can use for self-reflection. You simply go to a quiet place, take a pen and a piece of paper (or your journal), and start writing down whatever comes to your mind. No filters at all. After that, you try to analyse your thoughts. In the process, never forget that the series of free associations you produced is somehow related to your present circumstances. You try to find out how and why.

You can do the same with your dreams. They can be a good starting point. You can ask yourself how you felt in your dreams, what they remind you of the most and then start with free association. You just let out whatever comes into your mind.

Transference and people you like or hate

Transference is simply a process by which the feelings that you had for someone important in your life, such as a parent or a sibling when you were a child, get directed at someone else, with whom you have or are building a close relationship.

Transference even happens in our everyday lives very often. For example, your boss at work reminds you of your father, so you act accordingly to your inner prototype of a relationship. The problem, of course, is that rather than connecting with the person for who their really are, you’re relating to a template from your childhood. Transference reactions most often point to some deeper issue or unfinished business from your past.

Now think of your behaviour in your closest relationships. Try to analyse how you’re transferring your internal prototype, together with feelings and reactions, onto a close person in your life, using them as a “reincarnation” of some important figure of your childhood or past. Ask yourself questions like:
- Who do you want others to be?
- How are you interacting with people accordingly?
It’s quite hard to identify transference, so there’s also an easier version of this exercise. Start by listing people you like and dislike in your life, and people you hate and love. Start asking yourself why that is, what causes positive and negative feelings and how people’s behaviour reminds you of your past figures, situations and encounters.

Obsessions

One way to start reflecting and analysing yourself is with your obsessions. There are many causes that lead to obsessions and you can start figuring them out. For example, scarcity usually leads to an obsession. If you were exposed to constant injustice in life, you may become obsessed with justice. You can start analysing all the injustices that happened in your life, how contemporary situations are reminding you of that and how your obsession is holding you back.

And remember, you should be excited and enjoy analysing yourself.
Do not judge – observe, notice and learn
We would all like the world to be more similar to us. Because that would make it much easier to live in. The more your personal values are aligned with your environment, the better you fit in somewhere. The more your values are aligned with the values the world is currently respecting, the better off you should be, assuming you don’t face any other tough situations, like strong cognitive distortions.

Let me give you an example. If you strongly believe in nationality and borders, it probably irritates you that both are becoming less and less important due to globalization. There’s a difference between your values and the values of your environment, and that causes friction. On the other hand, you may be a technology enthusiast and love the general priority given to technological advancement. Your personal values are aligned with what the markets respect. It’s the same with political and economic systems, global trends and other environmental factors. Since the world is becoming flat, all people can feel the global influence of values changing.

But another important trend is also occurring. The world is becoming more and more diverse and interconnected. That’s a big benefit you should take advantage of. As the world becomes more tolerant and one big global market place, you can easily find communities with the same values as you. You aren’t alone or in a minority anymore. All you have to do is connect yourself online.

Being able to connect with people sharing the same values as you without immigrating is a big advantage you should deeply respect. Even more: you should encourage diversity and let other people be who they are and connect with people and societies they most fit into. Variety is the spice of life, diversity makes life interesting. If you don’t see it that way, shifting your thinking in that kind of way will strongly enrich your life.

From judging to observing, noticing and learning

People are very forgiving towards themselves and judge others so quickly. It helps us feel our own importance as well as protects our values. Quickly judging others is how we try to shape the world to be more in line with our values.

You can do a simple test. If you stand firmly for something, you can easily find people who will brutally criticize you publicly and even more cowards who will do it anonymously on the internet. Just look at the comments on anything published online.

There’s nothing wrong with discussion, arguments and debates. There’s nothing wrong with showing data and describing the objective reality as closely as possible. But the fastest progress comes out of constructive debates, merging different views and out-of-the box experiences. Variety also allows people to live in different communities the way they want to, the way they want to experience the world.

You can benefit from that in many ways. As Scott Fitzgerald nicely said: “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.” It’s the best way to learn, improve, innovate and expand your thinking horizon. Remember that in 1000 years, science will probably prove that almost everything we believe now is wrong, even though it’s currently scientifically proven.

If you don’t agree with someone and start judging, you put your ego before learning something new. When you judge someone else, you judge yourself and thus you limit your thinking horizon. You see the world as black and white. Someone is wrong and you’re right. It’s called “all or nothing” thinking and it’s one of the most frequent cognitive distortions.

Perceiving personality types embrace that kind of thinking more easily than judging types. But even if you’re a judging type of person, which you probably are if you’re extremely organized, you benefit a lot from going from only a judging personality to also observing and learning from different perspectives.

Here are some ideas for developing observing and learning abilities alongside the judging mindset.
- Let go of your ego. Never put your ego before learning something new, trying new things, understanding different views and expanding your horizons. It’s how you become a wiser, more aware and enlightened human being. Understanding different views and values makes you a richer person internally. You’ll be able to connect with more people and have more loving connections. Stop judging and start observing how people think, what they believe in and value, and why. Rather than feeling defensive or offensive, ask yourself why, five times if necessary.
- Practice empathy. Judging most often means deciding what’s right and what’s wrong according to your own opinion, following a subconscious autopilot. But your opinion is a subjective reality and probably far removed from the objective one. In fact, no one understands objective reality, but the more angles we understand, the closer we are. Instead of quickly judging, walk a mile in the shoes of a person with a different view. Ask yourself why, try to think, feel and understand the different angles; and stay respectful.
- Tolerance. Tolerance is one of the most important values of progress. If you want to improve in life, you have to be tolerant, you have to be open-minded, try new things, experiment, and accept failure. You can’t be tolerant towards trying and implementing new things if you’ve already firmly decided on everything. To build tolerance, you have to trust yourself more and you have to see that your values and beliefs are not threatened if someone else sees things differently. Disagreement isn’t being intolerant; but not respecting other people with different views is.
- Positive energies. Brutally judging is what divides people and spreads hate. If we subjectively see something as entirely good and something else as entirely bad, there must be a fight between good and bad. But in reality, nothing is entirely good and bad, except pure evil. There are no black and whites, only different shades of gray. Don’t curse the dark, light a candle. Spread positive energies and be a role model for empathy, tolerance, love and integration. We judge because we’re afraid. If we’re loved, we don’t have to be afraid of anything. Love is the first thing that bridges differences.
- Staying flexible. Being agile means being flexible and adaptable. The more fixed you are in your thinking and the bigger your fixed expectations towards life, the bigger the potential for your disappointments is. The world is definitely different from what you wish it would be. So you have to see it as a playground, a place with endless possibilities where you can put your life together as you want. You have to stay flexible to find your best fits, try new things and adapt, especially if the world is going in different directions than your current values. You only have one life, you don’t want to spend it bitter and angry and grumpy, just because you aren’t flexible in your thinking.
- Data before rhetoric. Despite different opinions, there are things (systems, ideas etc.) that work better than others in a specific situation and in a specific environment. Every social circle needs an optimal structure for progress. But again, it’s not about judging, it’s not about arguing and fighting, but about scientifically proven facts. Always put data before rhetoric.
Your mind is like a parachute; it only works when it is open.

Don’t tolerate evil, be a hero

Being tolerant doesn’t mean simply agreeing with everything. It’s about respecting people and having a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions, beliefs, and practices that differ from your own. It’s about an opportunity to expand your thinking horizon and let diversity of life exist, and enjoy it to the full.

But no matter how tolerant and respectful and loving you are, there is evil in all of us. And that’s one thing you shouldn’t tolerate. You should understand it, you should be aware of it, you should study it, but you should never tolerate evil behavior. It can especially come out in three types of situations.
- The first one is in all the people who were raised or born in hostile environments, like war, abusive families etc. A lack of love and healthy environment in the first few years of upbringing leaves a lot of psychological damage. People like this need professional help.
- The second one is finding yourself in a system or a situation that brings out the evil in you. Once again this means situations like war, gangs, poverty etc. Situations that put people in fear for their own existence and fear of their needs not being met, wake up evil fighting spirits. They bring out the desire for dominance in order to gain safety and resources.
- The third type are systems that aren’t transparent and where people think they’ll easily get away with hurting others. In situations like that, people’s desire to overpower others prevails. Evil prevails. Look at what anonymity on the internet does. That’s why we need more transparent environments, with an adequate reward and reintegration system.
The more evil is tolerated, the more it grows and the stronger it becomes. So you shouldn’t tolerate hostile and harmful behavior in any community. Starting in your home, the company you work for and other societies you belong to.

And secondly, we should all strive to build a better global system that will have zero tolerance towards evil and harmful behavior. Never get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.

As Philip Zimbardo suggests in his study of evil: “You must refocus away from evil to understand heroes. Heroism is when ordinary people do extraordinary deeds in certain situations. The very same situation that can inflame the hostile imagination, in those who become perpetrators, can also inspire the heroic imagination in others. Heroes are ordinary people whose social actions are extraordinary. The key to heroism is two things. You’ve got to act when other people are passive and you have to act socio-centrically, not egocentrically.”

Five things you can do to spread tolerance:
- Act out of desire for prestige, not dominance.
- Be tolerant, loving and respectful of people and diversity. Go home and love your family, love yourself and others.
- Fight for a cause that matters to you, but fight as a peaceful warrior.
- Don’t approve of evil acts and behavior. Report, inform, and don’t only mind your own business.
- Contribute to transparency and integrity of the society. We’re going in the right direction, we’re living in the most peaceful times in history, we just have to keep up the trend, but be faster in rooting out poverty, domestic violence and other similar situations.
Do not judge. Observe, notice and learn.

mindfulness

Every day is a new beginning

Living in the present moment

Possessing Zen Buddhist wisdom

Zen wisdom for coping with everyday problems

Meditation

Learn how to breathe properly

1-4-2 Formula

Belly Breathing

Thinking like a Stoic

Optimal thinking, cognitive reframing and holding your frame

Paying attention and satisfying your needs

List of all the things you enjoy

General rules of personal happiness

Have enough margin on a daily basis

Exercise regularly

Have deep connections and socialize

Work on something meaningful

The path matters, not the end

Trust yourself and have faith in life

Have positive thoughts

Additional ideas for living in the present moment

How to get a good night’s sleep

24 best pieces of advice how to get a good night’s sleep:

1. No food four hours before sleep

2. No screens two hours before bed

3. Go to sleep before midnight

4. A sufficient amount of sleep

5. Oxygen and temperature

6. Regular exercise

7. Investing into a high-quality bed

8. Bed location

9. No coffee, alcohol or drugs

10. Dark and quiet

11. No skin-tight underwear

12. Let your worries flow away

13. No work two hours before sleep

14. No liquids two hours before bed

15. Going to sleep when you’re sleepy and intervals of sleepiness

16. No annoying alarms

17. The bed is (almost) exclusively for sleeping

18. Fresh bed sheets and a shower

19. Dream diary

20. If you wake up feeling sleep-deprived, accept it

21. Set sleep schedule

22. Catch up on lost sleep

23. Be careful with naps

24. So little is needed

Positive orientation towards your past

Accepting your starting point

Seeing what you did get, not only what you didn’t

Your job is to diminish the gap

Having a realistic perspective of wealth

List of your personal strengths

List of your past accomplishments

Gratitude list

Tools to help you with self-reflection

Your ideal and ought self

Empathy map

Whys

Happiness index and happiness chart

Life satisfaction chart

De Bono thinking hats

Force field analysis

Gut test

Meditation

Free associations

Transference and people you like or hate

Obsessions

Do not judge – observe, notice and learn

From judging to observing, noticing and learning

Don’t tolerate evil, be a hero