life strategies

  • The biggest impact

    In management theory, there is an important principle – the so called 80-20 rule or the Pareto principle. The principle states that, for many events, roughly 80 % of the effects come from 20 % of the causes. Examples in practice would be that 80 % of your sales come from 20 % of your clients, fixing top 20 % of the most reported bugs also eliminates 80 % of related errors and crashes, you wear 20 % of your clothes 80 % of the time (except if you are minimalist) and so on.

    The Pareto principle is also very important when you are implementing changes in your life. You can decide to do linear or rapid changes in your life. Linear changes are smaller changes you make in your behavioral patterns. You improve your diet a little bit, you wake up a little bit earlier, you decrease the number of hours you spend watching television. You make more effort in your job and ask for a raise, and so on.

    Rapid changes are big changes that totally shift your life to the better, if you do the right change. Instead of watching TV, you start reading books. No TV at all. You go from a standard carbohydrate-based diet to another diet that suits you much better. You get rid of all the relationships that don’t empower you. You shift from being an employee to being an entrepreneur.

    Usually, when you pick a life area you want to improve (health, money, career…), you start with small linear changes. Some changes suit you and others don’t. You are in the search mode, looking for small improvements that lead to a better life. Some changes you preserve, others you discard (pivot). But after a while, every new linear change brings less value into your life. The marginal value of linear changes decreases over time. Then you hit the so called “local maximum”. Every additional change brings no additional value into your life. You run out of ideas for new experiments.

    When you hit the local maximum, it’s time for a rapid change. Rapid change means you try to do things completely differently, looking for another maximum that brings much more value to your life. Usually a rapid change enables you exponential growth. In some cases, your “local maximum” is your highest potential in life, but in others, there could be a much better setting for you and your potential. Sometimes I also call it leveling up your game.

    Now let’s get back to the Pareto principle.

    20 % of all the changes you will make in your life will have 80 % of the positive (or negative) impact on your life. That is to say, what will have the biggest impact on your life are the first few linear changes and the rapid changes you will make. That is where your focus should be.

    In the life areas where you totally suck, you should implement the first few linear changes. They will have the biggest impact on your life. For example, if you are in bad shape, just start doing some kind of exercise you like. If you are completely in debt, just save 1 dollar per day. If you want to change your career, just try a couple of new things to find what suits you best.

    The idea is that when you make the first few linear improvements, other changes will follow by themselves if your motivation to improve your life is big enough. You get engaged when you see the first small benefits, and your human nature will push you to get more. You just have to make the first few linear improvements and stick to them. They will have the biggest impact on your life and the rest will follow.

    If you totally suck at something it is almost impossible to do a rapid change. There are statistical exceptions, but that’s just because some people really find themselves in something, they are naturally good at. But in general, you first have to start with a few linear improvements.

    For example, if you want to get fit and you are totally out of shape, it doesn’t make sense to go straight to bodybuilding and hyper-intensive training. You first have to prepare your body for new efforts. If you can’t get a job, it’s usually not very smart to get self-employed or become an entrepreneur. That is the so-called push entrepreneurship and the success rate in this kind of situations is the worst.

    It’s different for life areas you are already good in. You first have to decide if it’s enough or you want more. If you want more, you should look for potential rapid improvements. You should get yourself into the search mode and start curiously exploring how other, more successful people are doing the same things, whether there is a completely different way you could be doing it, are there any additional leverages you could use and so on.

    For example when you are really good in an industry, have the knowledge, the social network, and know what the market wants, you should switch from being employed to being self-employed. When you master the basics of exercising, you can start with hardcore exercises. When you are able to save up small amounts of money, you can start thinking about big money.

    Local maximum
    Achieving local maximum. But is there a higher hill to climb.

    When making rapid improvements, there is one very important question you should ask yourself, namely what is holding you back. Usually there are one or more personal values that hold you back from doing things in a significantly better way.

    For example, maybe you think that you do everything better than everyone else, thus you don’t delegate. With no delegation, you also do all activities with low value added. Starting to leverage other people’s time would be a big rapid improvement in this case. But first you have to deal with your values.

    And one more thing. The Pareto principle also works in a negative way. That is why you must thoroughly analyze what is strategic testing, experimenting and improving, and what is doing stupid things. Because 20 % of the negative changes will have 80 % of the impact on your life. Some of these changes are very obvious. Starting to drink too much alcohol, eating too much sugar, starting to cheat on your spouse, going into bad debt etc. These are all big negative rapid changes (one big or a series of small ones) that can have the most negative effect on your life.

    When living an Agile and Lean Life, you don’t just do work and execute tasks. You have to think regularly about why you are doing something and how you are doing it, and whether you are making real progress. One of the aspects you have to reflect on is also which change will have the biggest positive impact on your life.

    No matter if you are implementing linear or rapid improvements, always go straight to the best knowledge for ideas how to do it.

    Homework

    The biggest impact on your life

    Knowing that 20 % of the changes will have 80 % of the positive (or negative) impact on your life, you should carefully analyze which changes fall into this 20 %. Based on that, you should update your Kaizen list of improvements.

    Here is what you should do:

    • Open your personal Kaizen list. If you don’t have it yet, you should make one. You can help yourself with the template below and with the article Growth mindset and continuous improvement on how to make the Kaizen list.
    • You should do a general evaluation of every life area, how satisfied you are and how well you are mastering a specific life area.
    • Then you write down all the linear and rapid improvements you should make in different life areas. You note your own suggestions and suggestions from other people.
    • Based on your evaluation, you can easily determine the magnitude of every improvement you have listed.
    • For the areas you suck in, the first linear improvements will already have a big impact on the quality of your life. For the areas you are already good at, rapid improvements will probably have the biggest impact.
    • On your Kaizen list, you should have a maximum of five changes of big magnitude for the next few years. Remember: you cannot implement many changes at once, and the big ones even less so.
    • You should constantly update your Kaizen list and stay flexible depending on the feedback you are getting from your inner self and the environment.

    You can help yourself with the spreadsheet below to do the analysis. You can also look at my own spreadsheet and see how I have done my analysis.

    [sociallocker]

    AgileLeanLife – Kaizen Template (xls)

    AgileLeanLife – Kaizen – Blaz Kos (xls)

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    Practical example

    My own analysis

    As you can see in my spreadsheet, based on my analysis, I have found that the following changes would have the biggest impact on my life. Therefore they will be my focus in the following few years, alongside some other minor linear improvements.

    There is one more thing you should be aware of. Never overestimate what you can achieve in a month and never underestimate what you can achieve in a few years’ time.

    Changes and improvements take time. First you have to sow, then you can reap. So make sure that for rapid changes, you have a long-term goal without a fixed deadline, especially if you are still in the search mode, looking for a perfect fit. What is important is that you make small daily progress. What is important is that you make small steps that accumulate into a much better life. For more guidance, please read the Agile and Lean Life manifesto.

    But now let’s get to my own analysis.

    Learning how to code
    Here I am learning how to code.

    Going back on my own and writing down business ideas

    I was always self-employed or owned a business. It was only after the 2008 financial market meltdown, when I had to close my small venture capital fund and had lost a lot of money (100k€+), that I had decided to get a job. I needed a more stable income and less stressful work for a while. Thus I was in the management board of the biggest technology park in Slovenia.

    I know that entrepreneurship is not for everyone, but I personally feel much better as a freelancer, a business owner or an investor. I am not against having a job at all costs. Well, somewhere in the future I want to experience working for a faculty (educating students), a global blue chip company in ICT, investment banking and some other industries. And those can be all jobs.

    But for now, going back on my own is an important step, an important rapid improvement for me. For me, it means more focused time without many unnecessary meetings, a bigger value added, a stronger motivation and many other benefits. Shifting from being employed to being a freelancer or a business owner is an important big decision towards a rapid improvement for many people.

    I have quit my job in October 2014 and started my own consulting/contracting business. I already have a few clients on the domestic market, but the next big challenge is going international. It was a half-year long process, but I do feel much better now and I already feel the power of being on my own, having a much better control over my life. For this change, I already went from the search into the execution mode.

    I also decided to systematically write down business ideas and to find the next big thing I really want to devote following decade of my life to.

    Update – Nov 2015: I am over a year on my own and it feels great. I am still more or less in the startup business as a contractor, but with the New Year I am making another big change in this area.

    Changing the country/language

    I live in one of the smallest countries in the world. Slovenia only has 2 million inhabitants with a not-so-good economic outlook. It’s a very well developed country, with many life quality benefits, but after doing business here for more than 10 years, I basically know everyone and the additional potential is quite limited. The maximum potential the country could offer to me definitely doesn’t suit my ambitions.

    Therefore an important identified rapid change for me is changing the country or, to be more specific, the language in which I operate. What I have found out in all these years is that small markets only give you headaches. If you want to be really successful and you are from a small country, you have to be globally oriented nowadays.

    The challenge is not easy, since it’s much easier to operate in your mother tongue and the competition on the global market is much stronger, but the unlocked potential is enormous.

    That is why I started this blog. Besides the opportunity for sharing my knowledge globally, it is also a great way to sharpen my skills – from English skills, writing skills to internet marketing. And I can also get some global exposure, of course.

    In the future, I would also like to spend a few years living abroad, but I want to stay flexible – lean and agile. This blog is the first step to a different kind of settings, but it’s still way too early to know what will come out of all this.

    For this change, I am somewhere in-between the search and execution mode. I have done a lot of research, planned my first steps etc. What I plan to do now is make regular adjustments based on the feedback I will be getting from the market.

    Building products

    The work I am currently doing has one big downside: even if I am self-employed, I am still selling my time. Selling your time quite limits your earning potential. Selling products is totally different to offering consulting services. You can sell many products without any time restrictions.

    Right now, I see three ways for how I can capitalize my knowledge via products. The first one are info products like books, e-learning courses, membership forums, premium content. The second one are mobile or SaaS applications related to the subjects I am mastering. The third one is to not only have a blog, but to build a real global media site on personal productivity.

    I have no idea where the future will take me, but I will definitely work hard on one of these options. I am a very hard-working person, but I also very much like passive income.

    At the moment, I am totally in a search mode, not even close to a proper execution. I am researching, testing, getting to know the market, analyzing what the competition is doing, and so on. It may take me a few years to get to the right product, but you know how it is: you only have to be right once.

    Core muscles and flexibility

    The previous four rapid improvements were connected to my money and career. This one is about my health. I have invested a lot of energy into finding my perfect diet and the sports I like, so that I can be as active as possible and live a healthy lifestyle. I still have a few linear improvements to make, but overall I have made big progress in the past few years.

    However, when it comes to my health, there is one rapid improvement I have to make and is really holding me back. That is the flexibility of my body and strengthening my core muscles. I was fat for most of my life, therefore I have always had weak core muscles and a completely inflexible body. Both contributed to a bad posture and, consequently, to many health issues like nerve entrapments, back pain and so on.

    Yes, I have to lose a few percentages of fat. Yes, I have to further work on my physical condition. But those are linear improvements that currently won’t bring the biggest value added. What I really have to do are daily exercises for flexibility and strong core muscles. That will be a big improvement for my overall health.

    The thing that is really holding me back is that I feel much better when lifting weights or doing highly intensive training than when stretching and planking. But I know very well that if I don’t work on my core and flexibility, I won’t be able to gain muscle mass and improve my overall health.

    Thus I am going to yoga with my girlfriend every week now, I do some daily stretching, resistance band training, planking and similar exercises. I also try not to overdo it with exercising, since I am only doing damage to my body, because I don’t have strong enough foundations yet.

    I was in a search mode for more than a year in order to figure out where my weak spots are. I visited a few doctors, physiotherapists and other specialists, read many articles on the internet and tried many things to identify the weaknesses and exercises that really help me.

    So for this rapid change, I am in the execution mode. The rapid change was going from weightlifting and overdoing it to doing “girly” exercises for core and flexibility. Now I have to do proper execution. I have to keep a daily routine for a whole year. Then I hope I will be able to switch back and work more on my muscle mass.

    Learning how to code

    The last rapid improvement is connected to my skills. I would like to learn how to code. Many people see that as a big waste of time, but I have a couple of strong arguments for why that would be a big rapid improvement in my life.

    First of all, it’s a big intellectual challenge; and I like that. Secondly, I already have a strong business mindset, but I would also like to install a more engineer kind of thinking into my brain. Thirdly, the skills are really useful, since if you get a new idea, you can just take a focused weekend, execute, and test the market. Fourthly, when I was a kid I was a computer geek, but then somehow business started to dominate my life. Thus this is a wish from my childhood.

    The problem that’s holding me back is a lack of time. Learning how to code isn’t that easy. You need big blocks of time with no interruptions, and fresh brain.

    For this rapid change, I am still in the search mode. My searching is not so much connected to what to do – it’s more about how to do it. I have enrolled into Lynda and Threehouse courses, I am watching videos and trying to do some basic front-end work myself, but I am still far from any serious development skills. I also visited a two months Python course.

    The real question for me is how to do it. I am thinking about three options:

    • Taking one day per week totally off and focusing only on learning how to code
    • Taking one whole week every quarter totally off and really improving my knowledge
    • Going to one of the coding academies for three months

    Since this rapid change is my last priority, I am not yet sure how and when I will go from the search into the execution mode. It strongly depends on how other things will turn out.

    The conclusion

    You change yourself by finding a way to do things better. With changes for the better, you remove waste from your life, thus improving your overall happiness, productivity and quality of life. You can make linear or rapid improvements/changes in your life. Linear ones are the first small steps or final optimizations, while rapid ones are completely new ways of doing things.

    In the life areas where you suck, the first few improvements will have the biggest magnitude. In the life areas where you rock, finding rapid changes is the way to go. Your Kaizen list should have up to five changes of a big magnitude and with a big impact on your life. Based on the Pareto principle, these 20 % of changes that you plan to make will bring 80 % of the new value to your life. You should constantly update your Kaizen list and ask yourself: which improvement will have the biggest positive impact in my life? That should be your focus.

  • What I wish I truly knew in my twenties

    You can find many articles and posts written on the topic What I wish I truly knew when I was young, but most of them are about the universal life truths that are true no matter the age, and which we frequently remember, but are at the same time somewhat too lazy to follow. Whether this is; travel as much as possible, save some money, enjoy the moment, you can learn something from anyone in life, take care of your health, make a good first impression, spend as much time as possible with the people you love, love is the most important thing in life, and so on.

    All that advises are nice, important and true, but there are much more dirty secrets about life. I am talking about harder life discoveries and lessons that are those most primal experiences, sometimes making us stronger, while at other times unrelentingly killing our dreams and potentials, and leading us to disappointments in life. Let’s look at some of the most difficult discoveries about the world and life; those realizations that would’ve been truly useful if I had already known them in my early twenties.

    • Being good means being good and nothing more.
    • The role of biology is much stronger than we’d care to admit.
    • Soft and naïve aren’t qualities that this world is looking for.
    • Politics are a large component of life.
    • Accept people for who they are, or find new ones.
    • Always be honest with yourself.
    • Environment and trends have an incredible influence on our life.
    • Reflection and strategy before actions.
    • Different doesn’t always mean better.
    • It’s easy to stand out, it’s incredibly hard to truly succeed.

    1. Being good means being good and nothing more

    Be a good person and you’ll get good things in return. It’s true. But people often confuse and simplify this; to their own benefit, of course. And this later leads to disappointments. I am talking about the mentality that goes along the lines of: Be a good person and life will reward you with a good job, a lot of money, luck in love, and so on. Not true.

    Be a good person and you’ll get good things in return; yes, in the same context of life. People will mostly act nicer towards to you (not all of them). You’ll feel better in your own skin. Your world will be calmer. You will also obtain some social capital. You will be rewarded with additional spiritual/karma points. But all this has minimal correlation to the amount of money you earn, luck in love and a good job.

    Both bad and good people can have a lot of money. The amount of money is mostly connected to skills that are connected to money, if we dismiss lottery and inheritance. Luck in love depends more on our personal relationship skills and commitment to partnership, and beforehand the effort we put into searching for the most suitable partner (perfect fit), than on whether we are generally a good person (except if this is a value that’s important to our partner). Sometimes being good can even be counter-productive. For example, it has been psychologically proven that being only nice (niceness falls in the category of being good) isn’t the smartest male seduction strategy, while if women are nice, this can quickly give false signals to men.

    It’s absolutely must that we are a good person in life – that we have integrity, are nice, compassionate, don’t harm others, help, connect, collaborate, and so on. However, what’s wrong is the expectation that life will reward us all by itself and that this is why we don’t have to make an effort in other areas of life.

    2. The role of biology is much stronger than we’d care to admit

    We are animals and we are spiritual beings. To deny one world or the other can be very painful. The fact that a part of us is animal means that we are partially acting from an entirely biological impulse written in our genes – one that is completely direct and clear: spread our genes as far as we can and with the best possible combination for our offspring. Nature (biology) knows two mechanisms for the purpose of reaching these two goals: the first one is lust and the second one love. The role of the former is quantity (everything that suits our genetic/psychological code) and the latter quality (cohabitation until producing offspring and raising it). It’s clear from this alone that we aren’t fundamentally monogamous beings, but that monogamy is definitely a sensible social innovation that can bring a lot of good into our lives; if we have realistic expectations and are prepared to keep investing into a relationship.

    What’s even more important is that both mechanisms (lust, love) play an important role in finding true love, in the first place; before love, sexual attraction is needed in most cases and infatuation oftentimes as well, especially in the younger years.

    The sexual force is, besides the wish for survival, one of the strongest forces of humanity; based on this force, each individual actually possesses a certain sexual capital. One part of our sexual capital is given, namely looks and the general quality of genes, while a large part of sexual capital is also obtained. The bigger the sexual capital, the larger the choice of potential partners, while our relationship can also have higher quality.

    Sexual capital can be obtained in three different ways: the biological, sociological or psychological one. The first, biological one simply means being fit. The most visible way of being not-fit is being overweight. Not only does excessive body weight lower our sexual capital, it also brings many other inconveniences and potential complications. Thus being fit and taking care of your health is incredibly important, not only from the aspect of energy and physical performance, but also the (sexual) status in society. We can also put neatness, well-groomed appearance, care for oneself, motoric abilities and other things under the biological aspect of sexual capital.

    We can also increase our sexual capital with a sociological and psychological approach. This includes everything from material status, social skills, individual’s values, diversity, self-confidence etc. All things listed increase either the individual’s social capital or their psychological one, and consequently also their sexual one. So even if we weren’t born to be models, we have quite a few options for increasing our sexual capital.

    If we go one step further, to the level of biology and sociology, there are generally two ways for climbing the social ladder (and consequently increase our sexual capital too). The first one is based on dominance in the broadest possible sense, including intimidation, domination of other people, aggression and dictatorship. This strategy mostly works in a crisis or in battle times and survival situations; sadly, those situations make up the biggest part of the known history of humanity. Others follow in hopes that with an aggressive approach, resources will be guaranteed for them as well. It’s upon these foundations that the concept of an “alpha male” is built, as is the path to a bigger sexual capital based on physical/biological dominance (being fit, having muscles, good athletic abilities etc.).

    Nowadays, in increasingly less violent times, this strategy is subsequently also less and less effective. Namely being an alpha male is always possible only in a certain context and in a certain situation. In another situation and another context, even an alpha male can become a beta male (e.g. an esteemed professor who’d find himself in prison). Since there are fewer and fewer life and death violent situations, there are also fewer and fewer contexts and opportunities for the success of the dominance strategy. The access to resources is also increasingly more frequently connected to creating value rather than taking things by force.

    Thus another path to the top of the social ladder has come to exist – one not based on dominance but rather on the prestige of an individual. This one still encompasses several qualities of an “alpha male”, namely a high level of self-confidence, ambition and strength, but in a combination with compassion, care for others, empathy, niceness and an easy-going nature. Such a strategy is effective in significantly more social situations than dominance. If dominance is effective in battle situations and competitions, then the strategy of prestige is effective in most aspects of life, including society management. But this doesn’t mean that dominance is bad and that prestige is a good approach.

    From the aspect of the social ladder and the probability of it working, the optimal strategy is a combination of building on prestige that shows care for a group, while using dominance only in situations when this is absolutely necessary. It’s written in our genes that such individuals have an advantage in the society, and with this, access to more resources, power and potential partners.

    In short, I definitely don’t want to stamp all over the meaning of true love and nice ideals. But the fact remains that sexual capital stemming from biological and sociological dispositions is an important category besides the intellectual, spiritual and emotional capital. It leads to more choices when choosing potential partners, to a higher status in the society, and may consequently also lead to a more suitable partner.

    The main lesson is that hoping for true love means giving power from one’s own hands. And that is never good. The bigger our sexual capital is, the bigger is the possibility of finding the right partner. This is why it’s right that we focus on our sexual capital and its development, not only for the purpose of finding a partnership, but also for developing our power, improving our social standing and potentially having a (positive) influence on the environment.

    On the other hand you should definitely not glorify sexual capital or go too far in developing it; even it has its boundaries, especially when focusing on partnership. After all, people with low sexual capital find their partner as well. Why? Because another category exists, and that is the uniqueness of an individual.

    Sexual capital plays an important role in first impressions, at the beginning, with the general social standing, but in the long run, in the context of searching for an ideal partner, sexual capital loses value and the uniqueness of an individual starts gaining value. At that time, infatuation also plays its role; we go from quantity to quality.

    However we have to realize that it’s much easier to work on our uniqueness, as it is largely already given. Each and every one of us is unique and we only have to sharpen our traits. Meanwhile it requires a lot more effort to develop sexual capital, but the latter is so very important in youth and later. More possibilities, more freedom.

    • Don’t forget to take care of your sexual capital (be fit, work on your self-confidence,…).
    • Use prestige as a path to the top of the social ladder.
    • Use dominance only in situations when it is absolutely necessary, meaning step up for yourself if needed.
    • Don’t glorify sexual capital, you are also unique. Sharpen your personality traits.

    3. Soft and naïve aren’t qualities that this world is looking for

    Naivety is probably the most painfully marked quality of youth. Life is incredibly beautiful and full of adventures, but also very demanding and hard; the most difficult lessons are sadly most often hiding precisely in relationships with other people.

    Naivety most often stems from the belief that 1) relationships aren’t exclusively due to exchanging benefits, while the second source of naivety is that 2) our benefit in a relationship is so big that people will always behave according to our expectations.

    With most people, temptation, mostly originating from biological (survival, reproduction) forces, quickly beats the value added of any relationship. If we add to this equation that our value added changes (seems low to someone at a certain moment) and that grass is always greener on the other side, we simply come to a situation where husband did stupid things on a business trip he went on after a fight with his wife; or a family arguing over a division of assets.

    This of course doesn’t excuse their actions, neither am I claiming that this happens in relationships every time, however it is very important to understand human nature – without naively believing in relationships, no matter their type. We can definitely have healthy, loving and good relationships in life, but we have to try incredibly hard for them and even then there’s no guarantee – neither on our side or the other. Extremely good or bad times are especially big tests of every relationship.

    The lesson of this discovery is that we have to have realistic expectations for people and understand humanity’s temptations. We also have to be aware that not all that glitters is gold, and that people often show us things to be nicer than the truth actually is.

    Sooner or later someone will rob us, lie to us, cheat on us, take advantage of us, take it out on us or do any other negative action. This is more a rule in relationships rather than an exception. Thus it’s incredibly important that we set realistic expectations for people as soon as possible in life, but especially develop our social skills to such an extent that we successfully manage relationships even when things don’t go as planned. And, of course, that we have a firm core in our life and don’t live in a bubble of naivety.

    4. Politics are a large component of life

    What happens in a situation when someone wishes to position themselves on the social/material ladder, but isn’t prepared to invest energy into ensuring the right real value added, a fair competition or maybe doesn’t even have the opportunity for it due an underprivileged situation?

    This leads to politics (the negative connotation of the word), manipulation and exploitation, while in the more extreme cases, it can also end in violence or even wars for natural resources. Politics, manipulation and exploitation are a large part of our world, often already ingrained in the educational and financial system, healthcare, religious institutions and everywhere else. People wish to ensure that their positions are as monopolistic as possible at all levels.

    It’s worth to note that the above-written words don’t only concern politicians but rather the human nature in general. Politics is just the most illustrative example of this part of human nature. Discrediting the opponent, false promises, misleading, exploitation, corruption, manipulation and so on – all of this can be found anywhere, in all industries of humankind, but is most obviously expressed in politics; most such “political” actions simply bring voting points, and who allocates the points other than people. Leadership is always merely a reflection of the people.

    And there is only one reason why there’s so much politics in the world. It’s because it actually works to a great extent. Don’t put too much hope into friends, learn how to take advantage of enemies. Never show your true intentions. Others should work, you take the credit. Avoid miserable people. See to it that people are dependent on you and come to you on their own. Completely destroy your enemy. Make it look like you are stringing up achievements without any special effort. Play on people’s feelings, conjure false promises. And we could go on. Sad but part of real life.

    I see this type of behaviour at every step, and the sooner we resign ourselves to the fact that life isn’t fair and that politics are also a vital part of the human nature, the sooner we can start making better decisions by taking this part of the equation into account. It would be ideal if politics were truly there for managing social situations for the common good, but sadly politics are far too often used for manipulation and gaining benefits without creating any real value added.

    The question that arises with this is whether such an amoral strategy is a sensible survival strategy. It depends on our values, our goals and environment. The more value added that we can create, the more we will be valued in the environments that acknowledge value added and healthy competition. Those are the systems that are striving towards transparency, integrity, healthy competition and collaboration. In a system like this, there is no place for corruption, exploitation etc. However, this doesn’t mean that the human nature is any different in such a system. There’s just systematic effort for trying to direct it onto a more productive path – progress.

    In such a context, it’s also right that we are honest with ourselves and know how much of a politician lies in us or, alternatively, to what extent we are disgusted by political behaviour. But it’s definitely impossible to escape politics in life, neither at a workplace nor in the family or amongst friends (gossiping, for example, is one of the most basic political actions in groups of friends).

    Questioning life

    5. Accept people for who they are, or find new ones

    Changing oneself is incredibly hard; the hardest thing in the world. And each individual has plenty of positive and negative behavioural patterns in their life. Changing a behavioural pattern is nearly impossible. Up until now, I’ve met only a handful of people with enough self-awareness, self-criticism and will to change one of their behavioural pattern.

    Let’s look at a banal stereotypical example, a bit upside down. A young couple. The boyfriend is extremely upset if the girl leaves the toilet seat down; since this had already annoyed his father with his mother. Now three scenarios are possible: 1) boyfriend explains to the girlfriend how vitally important this is for him and asks her to change her behavioural pattern. 2) Boyfriend confronts himself and realizes it’s not a big deal and that he can simply put the seat up, therefore changing his own emotional reaction to the situation. 3) There are daily fights about the toilet seat.

    And sadly 99 % of people will stay with the last scenario, be it in a personal or a business relationship. People change with much difficulty, if we even do at all. We definitely develop, acquire knowledge and experience, but we rarely change in our essence and our habits. Besides this, we humans are often incredibly uncritical towards ourselves, full of ego and thus very easily point fingers at someone else.

    The basic rule of each relationship is that we first take enough time, without prejudice and expectations, to get to know the person. Then we accept each person fully for the way they are. If we are bothered by something in that person to the extent that it’s a deal-breaker, then we don’t count on the person to ever change. It’s simply a deal-breaker. An exception are smaller things, whereby even for a small change, a lot of communication, tolerance and understanding are needed. Even with these smaller matters, it’s better and fairer if we first try to change ourselves, and only then the other person.

    At the end, it absolutely makes more sense to find someone with whom you are more compatible than to change someone. Thus it’s right that we accept people for the way they are and then decide whether they fit into our lives. We patiently communicate on the matter of some trivialities that truly bother us, while we try to changes ourselves for others.

    6. Always be honest with yourself

    The biggest harm we can do to ourselves (and others) is by not being honest with ourselves. When you don’t listen to yourself, you insist on a path that leads to long-term personal dissatisfaction and unhappiness in relationships. The problem of course lies in the fact that our deepest desires are usually inconsistent with society’s expectations or with expectations of people in our life. The second problem is that the path of honesty is usually a much harder path.

    Dissatisfaction in the job. Dissatisfaction with the partner. A new business opportunity. Be it whatever. The larger the change in life or the decision we have to make (marriage, changing jobs, the type of study, longer journeys…), the more we have to be honest with ourselves, the more we have to listen to the voice inside us. Before every important decision, we have to take time for ourselves and see whether this is something that we truly want, truly desire? Do we see ourselves doing this in five years? Is this something that is a part of us and our nature?

    Whenever we feel that something isn’t right for us deep down inside, yet still let ourselves be convinced, a much more difficult situation in the future follows. Dissatisfaction and doubt keep growing. Each time we are dissatisfied, dishonest with ourselves, this has to surface sometime. If we repress these feelings, they fester in us that much more and have to come out somewhere; be it in our health, dissatisfaction, but also in our relationships.

    Adhering to ourselves and the voice inside us is often accompanied by social pressures and pressures that come from expectations of people we are in relationships with; by choosing the right path for us, we often disappoint people and don’t fulfill their expectations. But the only right thing is being honest with oneself. However, we should also expect and understand the same thing with others.

    The sincere path is often also the harder path. This can mean searching for a new partner, new job, developing new skills for switching industries, or for whatever else. Despite all this, it’s right to fight for what we truly want and feel is our real path, while at the same time knowing how to say no.

    The compass is simple. A longer period of positive emotions shows that you are going in the right direction, while negative emotions (anger, dissatisfaction, sadness…), maybe even forcibly repressed ones, warn you that you aren’t on the right path; negative feelings are a signpost that you aren’t on the path that’s meant for you. If you are accompanied by negative emotions, this means that your soul is suffering. The exception is (non life threatening) fear, which is an indicator of what you still have to face in your life.

    7. Environment, trends and macro changes have an incredible influence on our life

    People are much more a product of the environment than we’d dare to admit. It’s scientifically proven that the most successful people on this planet, in any life discipline (sports, business, art…), don’t only have talent and do hard/smart work, but also benefit from an enormous support in the environment. The government, family, religion, school system etc., they all strongly influence our potential and the extent to which we can realize it. But trends and planned structural changes are the ones that influence this the most.

    What presents an incredibly important insight into an individual’s optimal performance is a bird’s view on how the society functions, where we are located, what our starting point is, the forecast of trends, and which environment will be the best for the realization of our goals. This is a discovery I most wish I had understood in my younger years.

    You can’t piss against the wind, no matter how far it carries. The more your values are incompatible with the environment, the more that trends are turned against you and macroeconomic changes are making your life difficult, the harder it is to reach your goals. While it’s true that good times soften the character to a large extent and create naïve people, the range of an individual’s success is significantly limited without the help of the environment.

    Of course despite all this, we mustn’t search for excuses for not working just because the trends aren’t in our favour. However we do have to constantly keep asking ourselves how we can turn the trends and structural changes to our own advantage.

    To everyone in their early twenties (and even later on), I would thus strongly advise to research trends, predictions, structural changes and how they will influence their career development – positively or negatively. It’s important that we’re mobile and set ourselves in an environment where our values and goals can prosper the most.

    8. Reflection and strategy before actions

    Few people read. Even fewer people write something. And even fewer people invest energy into truly thinking before doing. This is especially hard when we’re young, because we don’t have enough experience or a sufficient amount of coordinates to design a more sensible strategy for our actions.

    The most frequent strategy in youth is thus incredibly simple: a dash of inspiration, then onwards without a break. But today, in a creative knowledge-based society, smart work is much more important than hard work. Smart work requires a bit of inspiration, a lot of reflection, some action, reflection again, a bit of action again etc.

    Designing a sensible strategy can save years of work, but what’s much more important is that it can lead us to significantly bigger potential. Oftentimes doing things of the top of one’s head or following emotional impulses without thinking can lead to a situation that’s worse than if we did nothing and indulged in laziness. Regretfully. And the more complex that our environment becomes, the bigger need there is for strategy and profound reflection, if we wish to reach our goals.

    This mostly means three things. The first is that we have to take enough time for an analysis, without doing anything or making any decisions. Getting to know the environment, connections between people, their motivations, the key stakeholders, the decision makers, the trends and everything that goes with it is as important as the actions themselves. Analysing and planning can take weeks, or even months, but they also have their own importance, if they head us into the right direction. By analysing the market I don’t mean only doing research behind the desk, but also doing small experiments that gives us real insights into something (testing our hypotheses).

    Secondly, when it comes to analysis, it is crucial we take a sheet of paper, a pencil and think about our strategy, as well as answer some key questions, such as what is the final goal that we wish to achieve, how will our actions affect others in the environment, what if we don’t succeed etc. On the basis of analysis and consideration, we set clear assumptions about the environment, which we can later correct and adjust based on our actions. The clearer our thoughts are about what we want as the output, the more clearly we can set a strategy.

    And thirdly, talking with the right person can save us years of work, which is why in life, surrounding ourselves with mentors who help us in different fields of life presents an incredible value added.

    Deliberation and strategy are a step further from setting goals. They include the external environment, small steps that confirm or refute our assumptions, engaging the environment in the sense of mentors, and finding alternative paths or goals if our assumptions were incorrect. It’s the hardest to sit down and thoroughly think about something; and yet it’s so important.

    9. Different doesn’t always mean better

    At every turn we can find the underlying philosophy of “be different”. Difference certainly presents an important advantage in a lot of cases, but not always. In reality, being different isn’t even that hard. What’s incredibly difficult is being different and better at the same time. This is an important lesson, since it’s easy to accept the philosophy of being different in one’s younger years, but it’s much harder to understand that you have to be better at the same time.

    The average and generally recommended guidelines for life have their own certain meaning. They suit the majority and guarantee the safety of the entire society. An average diet is the most sensible diet for the majority of people. An average savings plan is the most reasonable for most people. Finishing university makes sense for the majority of people, especially if education isn’t excessively expensive. I’m not saying that this is an optimal way, nor am I saying that it’s the best path for an individual, but it’s the most sensible for the majority. Why?

    Any deviation from the average requires risk, an enormous amount of knowledge, experimentation, trying, falling and also failures that can hurt us significantly more than benefit us at the end. We don’t only need a different approach, we also have to find a better system by trying; namely a system that brings us better results than the one that is generally suggested.

    Let’s look at a concrete example. We have a standardly recommended diet; at the same time, it is common knowledge that such a diet includes too much sugar and that you should add more fruit, vegetables and wholegrain foods into your daily life. Up to here, we are still in the safe and somewhat above-average zone from the aspect of quality of the diet. But we can claim with certainty that such a diet will ensure survival, satisfy the nutritional needs of the body and provide a certain level of health for the average lifestyle.

    Now we wish to go a step further, be it from a health, ethical or aesthetical aspect. Vegetarianism. Veganism. Macrobiotics. High-protein diet. Cabbage diet or whatever else there is.

    Most of these approaches demand almost entirely removing one group of foodstuffs (hydrates, proteins, fat) from the diet. And here is where suddenly appears a certain risk that we won’t be getting all the necessary nutritional substances. This is why more knowledge is necessary for correctly combining foodstuffs, changing our lifestyle etc. With vegetarianism, for example, we can do more harm than good if we don’t possess enough knowledge, and substitute the lack of meat with a larger intake of simple sugars. The more we deviate from the average, the more knowledge we need.

    With this, I am not claiming that vegetarianism isn’t a good diet. I am only saying that if you really wish to benefit from the real value added of this diet, you must have enough knowledge to substitute the loss of animal protein with a suitable combination of plant protein, mustn’t significantly increase the intake of simple sugars, somewhat change your lifestyle at the same time and we could go on. There’s also a question of whether vegetarianism truly suits everyone, as it probably suits someone more and the other less. In short, the purpose isn’t to find reasons for or against vegetarianism, the purpose is to emphasise that each deviation from the recommended is accompanied by a risk.

    It’s exactly the same with career – entrepreneurship, as an alternative to a job; money – investing instead of saving; partnership – polygamy instead of monogamy; sleep – polyphasic sleep instead of eight hours in one piece, and we could go on. Smaller life decisions are no different, for example when it comes to arguments. It’s simple to not agree with someone, we are already different by doing it, we have a different point of view. Justifying it with arguments, however, explaining why our viewpoint is better and maybe even making a synthesis of both viewpoints and slightly changing our perspective is much harder. Despite everything, conflicts are a source of progress if the synthesis of differences leads to something new; different again, but better.

    A big trap also lies in the thousands of books, blogs and other authorial self-help contents that offer shortcuts to success, no matter which area of life you look for. The formula that led somebody to success won’t necessarily do the same for everyone else, including yourself.

    This is why being different doesn’t only mean standing out or taking an approach different to the one of the majority, but rather means that we are prepared to invest drastically more energy into trying, gaining knowledge, failures etc. with the purpose of finding a way that’s perfect for us and allows us a high quality of life, including feeling good in our skin and achieving personal goals.

    If we are prepared to invest all this effort, we can of course strongly benefit from the investment (more energy, more money, more happiness, more whatever else), but the path to a different and better alternative isn’t simple. We oftentimes come to the conclusion that we are most suited by what suits others as well; and we mustn’t close our eyes to this. Being different has no value added if we harm ourselves.

    10. It’s easy to stand out, it’s incredibly hard to truly succeed

    It’s incredibly easy to stand out from the average, as this only requires a bit more work than others invest. If we generalize a bit: all we have to do is go a step or two further than the average person is prepared to.

    But it’s incredibly hard to truly succeed. It demands careful strategic reflection, dedication, focus, help from the environment, hard work, luck and a lot more.

    Being somewhat fitter than an average person isn’t all that hard. If we run a couple of times per week or go to fitness, we are already standing out from the average. However, having a fit and muscly body means doing an extreme diet, long years of training a couple of times per week, a lot of knowledge, food additives, listening to your own body, giving up things, resting etc. Having a fit and muscly body means being completely devoted to health; it’s a way of life. This is why the majority of muscled people are coaches, athletes or training is somehow a part of their professional work.

    Having a bit more knowledge than an average person isn’t hard if we highlight the fact that an average person reads a few books per year. If we want to know a bit more about, for example, sales, then we simply read one book per month for a couple of years in a row, and we will already have more knowledge than an average person, if not maybe even more knowledge than an average salesman. But in case you wish to become an excellent salesman, this requires complete devotion to the occupation, an incredible amount of practice, constant education, improvement etc.

    Earning a bit more than average isn’t hard. We invest into a good education, develop a very sought-after skill and get an afternoon job if necessary. But becoming rich demands a completely different approach, owning resources or a high managerial/professional position, being at the very top of a certain industry, be it entertainment, art or anything else. Becoming rich is practically a lifetime project that demands strategy, knowledge, the right trends, bravery, luck and many other things.

    In short, being better than average requires a bit more effort and invested work; but to truly succeed in life, no matter the field, is a lifetime project that demands total commitment of the individual and using levers of the environment (market, social, financial…). So if we wish to truly massively succeed, it’s incredibly important that we don’t only have lifetime commitment and hard work, but also incorporate all the previously written life discoveries into our decision.

    11. Techniques of an Agile and Lean Life

    And finally, I wish I had known the techniques of the Agile and Lean life, which would’ve enabled me to be more productive, more focused and play the game of life even more smartly ten years ago. Well, today these techniques are available to the entire world.

    These are the eleven things I wish I truly knew in my twenties. And what are yours?

  • You only get out what you put into it

    Life can be very unfair from time to time, but not always. There is one important rule in life that we often forget about and is quite fair. You only get as much out of life as you put into it. Nothing worthwhile comes easily. Nothing great can be achieved quickly and effortlessly. If you want to blossom in life, you will have to put more into it than other people do.

    The global trends are unfortunately heading into the opposite direction. We are becoming more and more of a “fast food” population in many ways, where fast food doesn’t only mean eating fried meals, but also indicates the way of dealing with information, relationships, activities, and so on.

    The average attention span is getting close to zero. Unfortunately, investing close to zero into things brings you almost zero real value.

    That is the biggest trap you can get caught into in the 21st century. But that’s okay. You have to choose for yourself. You can join the crowd and live a fast food life. You can watch “important” news, hate your job, scan articles on the internet, share funny pictures via e-mail, eat fast food while you watch TV, and hope to win the next reality show.

    It’s just good to know what you will get out of that. A very average life or maybe not even that much. I call it zombie life. From negative TV shows, you will get a more or less negative mind; from scanning articles on the internet, zero progress in real knowledge; from eating fast food, fat all over your body; and from hoping to win the next reality show, a nice little fantasy you can escape into.

    In real life, all those “fast food decisions” make your body less healthy and less attractive, your mind more unfocused and confused, your emotions more shallow and escape-seeking, your soul losing its purpose. The average life today is more or less about escaping into short-term fake hedonism.

    Don’t get me wrong: we all need this kind of stuff in our lives. You cannot be ultra-productive all the time. And you simply can’t escape the global flow of short-span activities that come into your life, like Twitter for example. It doesn’t at all make sense to ignore global trends. You just have to use them to your advantage.

    That means being on the right side of the table.

    Level 1: Have awareness and control

    The real and the most important question in the beginning is who is in control. Do you control your life and decisions or is “fast food” stuff controlling you? Are you able to keep a healthy limit of “fast food” stuff injections or not?

    The situation is very similar to using a fire. You can burn yourself or you can cook a nice dinner. Technology, including TVs and smart phones, is not good or bad. It’s neutral. Like money. The only question is what you do with it. You need to have control over it and use it to your advantage.

    The test for having control is very simple. Set the limit for how many times and for how long you may look at your Twitter and Facebook profiles, your favorite TV shows, newspapers, pointless instant messaging apps and other time wasters. If you can set healthy limits and stick to them, bravo.

    Not many people can take such control. Most people get caught in the so-called “online loops”. When you check your e-mail, you automatically check a dozen other applications. Before you know it, an hour passes. If you can’t maintain control, you should go straight to the next level, which is eliminating most “fast food” stuff from your life.

    Level 2: Replace fast with real progress

    Let’s go to the second level. The best thing to do, whether you can control your “fast food” desires or not, is to replace all “fast food” stuff with stuff of higher quality. The higher the quality of the stuff you do and consume is, the better your quality of life will be. It’s that simple. Garbage in, garbage out. Quality in, quality out. Throughout your life, you should try to replace as much “fast food” things as possible with real progress. It’s part of the process of eliminating waste from your life.

    Slow down
    Slow down and do high value added activities. Impress with making a step further.

    Of course you can become Dionysus from time to time and have a real “fast food” fest with all the “mental masturbation” you want, but the funny thing is that the more of a quality life you live, the fewer “fast” things you need. At some point, you don’t need “the breaks” at all. It’s like an addiction you get rid of. The biggest illusion that prevents you from doing that is the belief that a quality life is a boring life. In reality, it’s far from it.

    Therefore try to identify all the “fast food” things you are doing in your life and think about what the best replacements would be. It’s a no-brainer, really. Let me give you a few examples. You should switch from burgers to broccoli, from newspapers to quality books, from shallow parties to deep relationships, from checking your online profiles to exercising in nature, and from scanning meaningless articles on the internet to reading posts on this blog. Replace as much fast as possible with real progress. I promise you won’t regret it.

    Level 3: Go from a consumer to a producer

    If the first level is taking control and the second level is total elimination, there is one more level beyond that. You can step to the other side of the table. You can go from being a consumer to being a producer. Instead of just giving your money, attention, time and energy for short-term satisfaction, you can build products you believe in and offer them to the market yourself.

    You go from having a job you hate, buying things to impress people you don’t like and doing activities for time to pass, to creating value, earning money, sharpening your skills and leaving a real legacy. It’s a simple formula: producers get rich and consumers get poor. When you watch TV, the actors and the director on the other side of the screen are making money while you are losing it, together with your life. Be smart and go to the other side of the screen. Start brainstorming business ideas.

    Length does matter

    This blog post is very important in another way. You have probably noticed that some blog posts written on here are really long. Well, they aren’t fast food articles. They are meant to help you master your life better, be more productive and happier. The purpose of the long articles is to guide you in setting a superior life strategy. That will not happen from scanning articles on the internet.

    I am well aware that most people just screen articles on the internet. I know that lists have a much better reader engagement than long guidelines do. I know that every headline should be something along the lines of “33 easy ways to…” But in reality, those articles are mostly a waste of time – you screen them fast and then forget all about them. You get out of it as much as you have invested into it.

    That is the opposite of Agile and Lean principles. It’s a waste and there should be no waste in your life. Thus don’t discard articles just because they are long. It’s better to read one long article, think about it and implement changes in your life, than to screen hundreds of “list articles” all with similar advice and no real value. You should not ignore long articles just because you don’t have the time or enough focus to read them and study them intensively. Be smarter.

    I know you are better. I know you are prepared to invest more.

    The longer and the more eye-opening the articles, the better.

    You only get out what you put into it.

  • Zombie life

    The opposite of a successful startup is a zombie company. The opposite of the Agile and Lean Life is a Zombie Life. Zombie life is being stuck in the land of the living dead. You don’t actually live, you just exist. On the one hand, there is no death, but on the other, there is no growth or moving ahead either. It’s just a terrible drain of human energy, only waiting for life to pass by. I know it sounds horrible, but unfortunately many people are living such a zombie life.

    There are ten areas you have to manage in life (yourself, health, relationships, money, career, emotions, competences, fun, spirituality and technology) and if you neglect any of the ten areas or even several of them, you can get stuck in the land of the living dead very quickly. If you don’t fight and push yourself to make progress in all areas of your life, life itself will transform you into a zombie. Use it or lose it. Up or out.

    Practical examples

    If you work a job you hate, you are already living one third of your life as a zombie. Going to work with resistance, hating your boss, trying to do as little as possible, gossiping and complaining about your job to all of your friends is definitely a zombie life. It’s a waste of your talents, your precious time and your energy. There is a perfect career for you, you just have to find it first. You just have to first invest your energy into finding the right fit.

    If you don’t take care of your health, you land in the zombie land sooner or later. Your health is the most precious thing you have. Good health is a must-have condition for working, enjoying life, feeling good about yourself and having good relationships. In my youth, I was extremely overweight. Now I am trying to take care of my health as much as possible. I still have much work to do but hey – I know very well how it feels to be overweight and I know how horrible of a zombie life that is. No great mountain views, no team sports, a worse sex life and so on.

    If you don’t earn enough money, or if you are in a big debt, the quality of your life is also damaged. There is a lot of arguing over whether money really does bring happiness. Well, it has been scientifically proven that it does. When earning less than 75,000 USD per year, money has a big contribution to your happiness. The less you earn, the more every additional dollar means to you. Of course money doesn’t bring happiness if you earn more than 75,000 USD per year, but have crappy relationships and bad health. You have to optimize your life as a whole. But when considering money, you should fight to earn at least 75,000 USD per year. It greatly contributes to your happiness.

    Your spouse has a great contribution to the quality of your life. As the saying goes: happy wife, happy life. And vice versa. It’s totally unreasonable to be married to someone with whom you constantly argue, you don’t want to make passionate love before going to bed and you are not a good team in handling the household and chores. That is a real zombie life: being surrounded with people who don’t make you happy, don’t contribute to your growth and don’t support you or empower you. And vice versa.

    Same goes for your friends, coworkers and all other relationships in your life. The more shitty relationships you have in your life, the more of a zombie life you live. In movies, I haven’t seen any zombies that would have good relationships.

    Good relationships, stable health, purposeful work, a positive outlook and a full bank account are the foundations for your long-term happiness. You and your competences are the enablers to achieve all that. You need to work on your knowledge, skills, intelligence, emotions, the social network, your mindset and so on. When you stop improving and developing, you start becoming a zombie.

    You can also add fun, spirituality and technology on top of all that. Fun is about enjoying life and “putting down the saw”, spirituality about a more purposeful life, and technology a leverage to achieve more with a greater pace. All three help you not live a zombie life or encounter situations such as experiencing burnout or questioning the purpose of life. Whether you want it or not, you have to manage all ten areas of your life in order to live a happy life.

    Broke vs. Poor

    Being broke is a temporary situation. Being poor is a state of mind. Same goes for living a zombie life. Your current situation in some areas of your life may be a disaster; you may have experienced a big obstacle, a colossal setback or a real downfall. But what counts is a positive outlook and superior strategic plan. If you see the light at the end of the tunnel, if you see the next small step you can make towards a better life (and actually do it), then you are not a zombie. You are a fighter.

    But if you have given up, if there is no desire to grow, no desire to experience life and to achieve, then you have become a zombie. When you settle for the average, you start becoming a zombie, just waiting for life to pass you by.

    You can easily realize you are becoming a zombie when you are escaping from your life into the TV world, the bad parts of the internet or various other addictions, but also situations when you are “helping others” instead of yourself (dealing with problems of other people when you still have so much cleaning to do in your own life) or when you have many other distractions that distance you from your true purpose. You are on your way to becoming a zombie when you are more and more bitter, ignorant, lazy and bored. Bitching, whining, complaining, blaming others and doing nothing.

    Yes, there will be times in your life, when you will be broke. Your relationships will end. You will lose a job you love. You can get a serious health issue. Life is not easy. There are constant challenges and obstacles and changes. But you have to fight. Your duty is to fight. Your duty is to equip yourself with knowledge, people who empower you, design a superior strategy, and start making steps towards improvements and your ideal self.

    Zombie Tools
    Contemporary Zombie Life.

    You have to escape a zombie life no matter what. Because living a zombie life is a waste of the most precious thing ever – life. Even if you are currently broke, never go poor. Always find a positive outlook you can fight for. There is always a move you can make towards a better life.

    Frogs and zombies

    You become a zombie more or less the same way as you would “cook a frog.” You either make sure that (1) the water temperature is so high that when you throw the frog into the water it will perish in a second, before it can jump out, or you (2) cook it very slowly, increasing the water temperature level bit by bit, making sure the frog isn’t even aware it’s being cooked. The same goes for zombies.

    You can become zombie by making:

    • One or several very big wrong decisions (for example choosing the wrong spouse, industry, career, company, driving drunk and causing an accident…)
    • A series of small wrong decisions (unhealthy diet, not saving any money…)

    Most people become zombies without even being aware of it. They live life as they were taught by the primary and secondary socialization (parents, teachers, television, society…), not even questioning whether it makes sense. But an average diet, an average job, average relationships, average education all bring you a very average life. And in reality, an average life is very close to a zombie life. You don’t want to live an average life. You want to live an extraordinary life.

    The solution is simple, but not easy. You have to set higher standards, you need a superior life strategy and you need to start fighting for your goals and dreams. You need to make extraordinary decisions about how you spend your energy, time, money and talent. You definitely need different strategy than an average person. One of the guidelines for a better than average life is an Agile and Lean Life philosophy. Implement it in your life.

    The second path to a zombie life is making one or several wrong big decisions (for example choosing the wrong spouse, industry, career, company, driving drunk and cause an accident…). The setbacks in this case could be so big that you just give up or don’t find the motivation to go on. When making that kind of wrong decisions, it can take years to correct them.

    Going through divorce, declaring personal bankruptcy, trying to change careers and similar challenges are so demanding that most people just can’t cope with them. Sometimes even external factors cause that kind of a situation and we had nothing to do with it (war, markets meltdown…). Life isn’t fair.

    The solution is, once again, logical but not easy. It’s extremely hard but necessary to avoid a zombie life if you find yourself in a big setback. You need to find a positive outlook, you need to have a superior strategy how to get out of your situation, you have to see the first step you can make and then you need to start fighting. You have to cut your losses and turn a new chapter of your life. Some of the Agile and Lean Life techniques can help you to get easier out of these kind of situations.

    Zombie-land

    Your environment can greatly contribute to your potential zombie life – from the macro level, like your country and the industry you work in, to micro elements, like your relationship, diet and the company’s culture where you work. Among all that there are several factors that you cannot chose completely by yourself, especially at a young age. Some of them not even later in life. For example, for most people changing a country is very hard or even impossible.

    Nevertheless, the brutal fact remains that if you want to make progress in your life, you need an environment and relationships that empower you. Yes, there are always some limitations but there are also always steps towards a healthier environment and relationships. At some point you have to make the changes if the environment doesn’t support you enough. You always have to look for improvements, there is always some optimization you can make.

    The fact is:

    • If you spend most of your time with zombies, you will become a zombie
    • If you work in a zombie environment (country, office, family…), you will also become a zombie, if not completely, then to some extent

    You have to find a way to isolate yourself from negative influences if you don’t have the option of switching to a more positive environment. You have to innovate your way out of the Zombie-land. Maybe by changing your office, maybe by living most of your life in the virtual space (aka on the internet) or in creative co-working spaces, maybe by changing your job, friends, spouse or any other relationship. You know very well what drags you down, you know very well what makes you a zombie.

    What you really need in order to not become a zombie is a positive outlook and a superior strategic plan. Your superior strategic plan should consist of linear and rapid improvments, actions, decisions and moves you will make towards your goals.

    Usually, when implementing improvements, you try to find the local maximum with your current settings, and when you face a real setback but you know that there is still greater potential, you try to find a rapid improvement in a completely new kind of settings.

    When you do a rapid improvement in your life you don’t just do things faster or cheaper, you start doing things in a totally different way. That is how you grow. You grow by finding better ways to do things.

    Whatever happens in your life, never stop growing. Whatever happens in your life, never give up. Whatever happens in your life, remember that there is always a move you can make towards a better and happier life. No matter how difficult your situation is.

    Homework

    There’s a very easy exercise that can be an indicator of whether you are becoming a zombie and you should maybe do a pivot in your personal life and find a better fit. You make a life-satisfaction chart and assess all the chosen areas of life. All you have to do is first draw a scale from 1 to 10 horizontally, and vertically list the key areas of life or the areas you’ve chosen to assess. You assess every area or category of life from 1 to 10. In the second step, you take another look at all areas you assessed with 4, 5, 6 or 7. These are the areas where you’re averagely satisfied, are indecisive about or for which you haven’t taken enough time to make a sound assessment.

    Not knowing where you are and what you want does no good. The average is no good. The truth is that life areas either work or they don’t, you’re either satisfied or you aren’t, there are no middle paths. You either rock or you suck in different areas of life. Therefore, assess life areas again, but now by using only the numbers 1, 2, 3, 8, 9 and 10. In the last step, highlight every 1, 2 and 3 with red, and every 8, 9 and 10 with green. Now you have a clearer picture of the areas of life you should potentially make a pivot. Below, you can find an example of the chart.

    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
    Health X
    Friends X
    Spouse X
    Money X
    Career X
    Emotions X
    Competences X
    Fun X
    Spirituality X
    Technology skills X
    Download a free template of the life-satisfaction chart (table above) that will help you to analyze and assess all the key areas of your life. With performing this exercise you will be able to decide easier on which areas to pivot and also to make sure you don’t become a zombie.

    Don’t be a zombie. Live your life in the Agile and Lean way.

    Read our manifesto on how to do it.

  • Personas – Know what you want

    One thing in life is sure. The more exactly, accurately and the sooner you know what you want from life, the easier your will get it. Usually the most successful people in the world are the ones who know what they want to do in life from a very young age, and have the talent to really do it.

    The best programmers, athletes, businessmen and so on, they all know that they were born to excel at exactly one thing. Knowing what you want in life allows you to focus on that thing only. If you are lucky and the environment supports you to the point where you can invest 10,000 hours into your talent development, then you can become a real Outlier.

    I very well remember one sentence from the movie Limitless, where Bradly Cooper gets the special brain enhancement pills, becomes super smart and goes from rags to riches. When he takes the pill, only one magical thing happens – quoting him: “I wasn’t high, I wasn’t wired. Just clear. I knew what I needed to do and how to do it.”

    Well, that is the secret to a much better quality of life – be clear about what you want and make the strategy for how you will get it. You must know what you want as clearly as possible. You have to see the final outcome you want. Just saying to yourself “I want to be rich” or “I want to have a cute girl/boyfriend” is not enough. You have to be more specific. That is the rule for every aspect in your life. Even for relationships.

    And you don’t need any pills for that. Let’s look at a better technique for being more proactive at choosing your personal and professional relationships – personas.

    Personas in business

    In internet user-experience and marketing expertise, personas are used to represent different user types that might use the product in a similar way. Personas are fictional characters representing the ideal customer or a typical character for a user segment. They are hypothetical users. It is also a very popular method used in lean start-up marketing to help you focus your efforts. You try to imagine everyone who could potentially use your product (customer segments) and then you create fictional characters for either every segment or for the priority ones.

    In user experience, the purpose of defining personas is to more easily make decisions about product features, interaction, architecture and design of the website. A persona is nothing but a substitute for a target user. You create as realistic and reliable representation of the user segment as possible.

    When you are defining a typical persona for a selected customer segment, you are defining their goals, desires, behavioral patterns, buying triggers, limitations and other elements, such as demographics, biographics, geographic and psychographic attributes, and so on.

    Hubspot Personas
    Personas Example. Source: Hubspot

    The most frequently used parameters for defining personas are especially based on what they want to do, how they behave, what motivates them, how they think and what they want to accomplish.

    To be more exact: for every persona, you should define the elements listed below, if you have enough data to back them up. The list is meant to help you with ideas for defining personas in your personal life later on.

    • Fictional name, photo, representative quotes for a better notion of the potential user
    • Demographic and geographic features
    • Professional background, responsibilities and skills
    • Context or a narrative story
    • Behavioral patterns and key characteristics
    • Values, attitudes and beliefs
    • Environment
    • User goals, desires and expectations
      • Life goals
      • Product experience goals
      • End goal of using the product
    • User tasks, activities and workflow
    • Limitations and accessibility issues
    • Buying triggers
    • Needs and pain points
    • Use cases or specific usage pattern
    • Interaction, information, sensory, emotional aspects
    • Typical day in a life
    • Potential customer journey
    • Empathy map

    The biggest benefit of creating personas is personalizing abstract data and therefore better understanding different customer segments and their goals. You “materialize” your assumptions and much more clearly define who your potential customer could be.

    Creating personas helps the product development team to:

    1. focus on creating value,
    2. user experience experts to prevent common (design) pitfalls, thus avoiding “self-referential design” creation which means subconsciously projecting your own mental models on the product.
    3. With personas, you can more easily (3) evaluate product feature ideas, develop wireframes and site architecture, design the overall look,
    4. and of course copywriters can write a better (4) targeted copy.

    Here is a good presentation about personas:

    Before defining the persona, you should also do user research and gather as much data as possible about the selected segment. Data can be gathered by interviews, surveys, different testing methods (A/B), user observations, field studies, and so on. In reality, personas are only as good as the research behind them. The best research is usually based on ethnographic data – ethnography being the systematic study of people and culture. The purpose of research is to find what people do, what frustrates them and what gives them satisfaction. After conducting adequate research, you should be able to identify their behavioral patterns. One technique to do that is user mapping by behavioral variables.

    For every product, more personas are usually created, specific to every customer segment. But even the same customer segment can be represented with more than one persona, for example if there are gender specific roles and use cases. When you create a persona, you also try to imagine a typical day in the life of that persona and, of course, how and when they would use or buy your product.

    All information about the persona should lead to some decisions. In the next step, you can also make scenarios describing a persona trying to do a specific task in a specific environment or context. This is the so called scenario-based design.

    If you don’t have enough research information to create real personas, you can create provisional personas. They are not that detailed and are based on a few best guesses of their needs and characteristics. That is still better than having no personas.

    When creating your personas you can mark different assumptions as:

    • Validated hypothesis (what you already know, is confirmed)
    • To be tested hypothesis (what still needs to be tested)

    Without doing personas, you have the so called “elastic user”. An elastic user can be anyone and therefore no one. The consequence of an undefined user is usually unfocused design with too many features.

    Bad userinterface
    When having an elastic user and not knowing what a customer wants

    Personas tell stories, spark ideas and ignite action. They are the in-put information for marketing and selling activities (sales funnel, customer segmentation…).

    Using Personas in your personal life

    Let’s build a use case based on those two understandings – (1) the first one, that the clearer picture you have of what you want in life, the easier you will get it, and the second that (2) the user experience experts use personas as a tool for visualizing probable users of the product in order to make the best possible user experience.

    The idea behind using personas in personal life is very simple. Based on knowing yourself and your assumptions about yourself, you can make personas for people and organizations you want to interact with in your personal or professional life. Starting with the most important person in your life, your spouse. After making a persona for your spouse, you can also make a persona for your perfect boss, the company you would like to work for (there should be different name for that, since a company is not a person, but that is okay), friends and business partners.

    Benefits of creating personas
    Benefits of creating personas

    Having this kind of personas will help you attract or select only quality relationships and improve the current relationships you have.

    Well, at this point I know exactly what you’re thinking and I totally agree with you. How can this make sense, especially for your personal relationships, if …?

    Attraction isn’t a choice. You are simply attracted to someone before really knowing them. It’s true nonetheless… Maybe you cannot choose who you fall in love with, but you can definitely choose who you will stay in a relationship with and devote your life to. Choosing the right partner is probably the most important decision of your life. You don’t want to make the choice based only on your animal instinct.

    It goes the same for the company you (will) work for, as the second most important decision of your life. You are going to spend approximately one third of your life at the workplace. You don’t want to spend your life working only for those companies that first replied to your received CV or that give you the biggest paycheck. You want to work for the companies that make you feel good, with which you share the same values and where you can blossom.

    Personas can help you with that. Personas can help you move from lottery to strategy.

    With personas, you are more proactive and growth-oriented

    You have two options for how to interact with life. The first one is the reactive way and the second one is the proactive way. Being reactive means that you simply react to things that happen to you in your environment based on your (subconscious) behavioral patterns. You assume that your personal power is quite limited. You are how you were born to be and you live life that was given to you. That is also called a fixed mindset.

    In personal relationships, that means falling in love because of the “greater power”, usually physical attraction. You try to stay together with someone without thinking of how good you two fit together. But if there is no other fit except physical attraction (emotional, spiritual, intellectual, social attractions, sharing the same values…), relationships often become sour and there are many disappointments for both partners.

    In business life, being reactive means sending your CV to hundreds of companies and hoping that one of them will invite you to an interview. In the second step, you hope that at the interview, someone will recognize you as a fit for the company and hire you. In this kind of thinking, people usually don’t even know much about the company. They are only focused (reacting) on being invited to the interview.

    In both cases of reactive thinking, what usually happens is that business and personal relationships can very quickly become relationsh*ts. You expected more, you had the wrong assumptions, you find out that maybe there is no real fit after a big struggle. And remember:

    The hottest hell on Earth is when you are forced to work or live with people who have totally different values than you, with no common ground to build on.

    The solution is pretty simple. You have to know yourself better, you must know better what you want in life and you must be much more proactive. Steven Covey, author of the book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People defines proactivity as the act of taking charge of your life. Proactivity means being responsible for your life and taking actions to master it.

    One of the most fun and quick solutions for being more proactive is making a persona – of your perfect spouse, the company you would like to work for, and so on.

    Creating your own personas will help you:

    • Have better focus for who to meet and spend time with, in business as well as in private life
    • Know immediately which relationships you have to discard
    • Decrease the number of pitfalls in relationships (wrong expectations…)
    • Do a quick benchmark of how big the potential of the relationship is when you meet and interact with someone new
    • Be more honest in relationships and avoid many disappointments, like hoping that people will change
    • Quickly identify what you can learn from the other person and where the relationship needs to grow
    • “Market” yourself better, know what to look for and where
    Know what you want
    Be proactive. Go for what you want. Have a strategy , don’t play a lottery.

    In order to use personas in your personal life, for business and pleasure relationships, you should especially define (the brackets contain an example from business as well as personal life):

    • Basic demographics (age of potential partner, size of the company)
    • Must-have values and traits (intelligence, technological company)
    • Key characteristics (company culture, hobbies)
    • Deal breakers (smoking, industries not to work for)
    • Goals (building a family, becoming number one in the industry)
    • Other

    It may sound extremely dull, so let’s look at all the benefits of going from reactive to proactive behavior when creating personas in both cases.

    If you do a persona for your perfect spouse, you can:

    • Know yourself much better, and be more aware of what you want out of the personal relationship
    • Get new ideas for where and how to meet a potential spouse (hobbies, online dating…)
    • Make a better personal “sales pitch”
    • Evaluate the potential of the relationship really quickly (common goals…)
    • Know what the deal breakers for you are
    • Be honest about the potential, avoid hurting yourself and others (we can just be friends…)
    • Talk about what you like or dislike in other people and what the deal breakers are
    • See what you can work on in your personal relationship to make it even better
    • Identify common hobbies and start doing things together
    • Based on all the facts above, you can more easily “attract” someone that fits you better

    If you do a persona for the perfect company to work for, you can:

    • Know better where you would like to work (size of the company, culture…)
    • Prepare a list of companies you would like to work for
    • Do detailed research for your targeted companies (company goals, board members…)
    • Better customize your CV and personal presentations
    • Think of ideas for selling yourself to the companies, bypassing traditional approaches such as sending a CV and hoping they will invite you for an interview
    • Write down numerous ideas for how you can add value to the company
    • Develop new skills you know the companies you are targeting are looking for
    • Monitor all new information about the targeted companies via Google Alerts and so on

    As mentioned before, you can do the same for other relationships in your life (friends, boss, business partners…).

    The more experience you have in life and the more often you reflect on your past choices the more clear picture you should have what you want in your life. Thus more persona assumptions should be marked as validated, not to be tested.

    There is no perfect match in life

    Of course even if you do make your perfect personas, you will never find a perfect match. If there were a perfect match for you, then there would be no room for growth and learning. And life would be very boring without any challenges. But you can definitely find a close fit to your likings.

    There is no straight lines in nature or life.
    There is no straight lines in nature or life.

    On the other hand, you also shouldn’t fear that there is no close fit for you. There are more than 3 billion people of the opposite sex living in this world, and we have more than 100 million companies. Statistically, it is very probable that you can find your fit, a place or a person where you feel extremely good and you can blossom.

    The only thing holding you back is not knowing what you want, a lack of strategy, and fear. Life is too short and too precious for that kind of nonsense.

    And last but not least: personas should be dynamic. Your preferences and values do change throughout life and therefore your personas can become outdated. The expiration date of your personas usually depends on how fast you grow in life and how fast people in your life grow with you.

    Thus you should regularly update your personas. A good compass for when to do it is when you feel that it’s time for a change in life, when you want something new or you are very frustrated with current relationships. Extremely good times or extremely bad times usually accelerate even more relationship transitions and are real relationships tests.

    The more you want to experience in life, the more you change and grow, the faster your environment is changing, including people you are spending your time with. Thus you will have to update your personas more often. But it doesn’t take long. It’s just a short exercise to clear your mind, define what you want and focus yourself.

    Your ideal self-persona

    There are some relationships in your life that you cannot choose by yourself – especially your kids, your mother and your father. Making a persona for them should be done from a different perspective. You should move from what kind of relationships you want in life to how you can help them and empower them to become what they really want.

    You can do the same for yourself. If you don’t like spreadsheets and the personal Kaizen table (a list of personal improvements you have to make), you can make a persona of your ideal self. In psychology, the self-discrepancy theory talks about how everyone has an ideal self and that is what usually motivates you to change, improve and achieve more. Having a clear picture of your ideal self will definitely help you focus, set the right priorities and grow faster.

    For your Ideal self-persona you can make a mind map, a list, a Pinterest board or a notebook with pictures, quotes and attributes for the direction you wish to grow in. You can expand the context of what kind of person you would like to become, what kind of skills you would like to develop, what you would like to have, in what environment you would wish to create and so on.

    Homework

    The first three steps you can make for creating Personas as a technique to help you know better what you want in life is concretizing and visualizing:

    1. the ideal spouse you would like to have in life and,
    2. the ideal company you would like to work for (or what kind of business would you like to have) and of course,
    3. you should make a Persona for your ideal self (if you don’t already have your Kaizen list).
    Practical examples

    My example

    Here are two examples from my life as guidance to help you with the whole process. I have used the mind-mapping technique in order to create Personas.

    Company Persona Me Example

    Below you can download two files, one for my ideal spouse and one for my ideal company.

    [sociallocker]

    Persona of my ideal spouse

    Persona of my ideal company

    In user experience, personas should often tell stories, which means you can make a life or relationship story instead of a mind map or list. Be creative and use the tools in a way that inspires you the most.

    [/sociallocker]

    Enjoy playing and creating your personas!

  • Fit

    The magical word in lean start-up entrepreneurship is product/market fit. When starting a new company, you may have the most competent people, the best management in the world, enough capital, the best business plan, the right market trend etc., but if you don’t have the product/market fit, none of the things listed above can really help you.

    Product/market fit means that you have the right product for the right market. It means that you are solving a problem that people are willing to pay for, or that you are satisfying a certain segment of customers with a very specific need. All this in a way that’s different to the competition. It means that you have good knowledge of the market needs and are flexible enough that when it comes to your business idea, you can adjust it according to the customer’s demands.

    As an entrepreneur you know very well when the product/market fit is achieved in the phase of development of your business idea. Namely, it’s when you stop needing to ask yourself whether you have a product/market fit. On the right market, customers themselves are the ones to help you find the right solution. When you are facing all other problems except for a lack of inquiries, you have found the right product/market fit.

    Find your personal fit

    Personal life is no different. In my younger years, I visited a fortune-teller as a joke, and asked if I’m dating the true love of my life. She had answered that if the love were true, I would know and wouldn’t be asking her that. Of course, this is an extreme example, since life isn’t entirely black and white, but it’s not that far off from the truth either. When you find the right fit for you, you don’t need to question yourself about meaning anymore (“Is this the one?”).

    Practical examples

    A prerequisite for a successful partnership is simply a partner/partner fit. It starts with a physical fit, just being unable to keep your hands off each other (and having extraordinary sex). It continues with an emotional, intellectual, spiritual one; that is to say, with conversations and tenderness late into the night. Well, it can also be the other way around or in any other order (physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual matching). Then it of course further continues with joint activities, sharing views on life, family goals, organizing household chores…

    You can wish for a relationship to succeed as much as you’d like, you can try to “fix” stuff, but if two people don’t belong to/with each other, there are no basic foundations for building a successful relationship.

    Same goes for work. You can work for one of the most respected companies in the world, are the best in your field, get paid well and enjoy many benefits, but if you don’t fit into the organization (in the company’s culture), you will be miserable and won’t feel good deep down inside. No matter how strongly you are trying to convince yourself otherwise.

    You want to get rich? Find a cash flow that’s most suitable to your character and competences. This can be entrepreneurship, the stock market, network marketing, show business, sports… When you find the right cash flow fit and combine it with hard work, focus, new ideas and perseverance, then success happens.

    Being physically fit is also incredibly important for the quality of your life and your potential. If you want to have more energy, enjoy the best sex of your life, feel well, have the ability to withstand more stress and pressure, be more attractive, feel better in your skin, you have to be fit. You have to find a sport that’s perfect for you.

    Feeling good
    You feel good and happy when you find your perfect fit.

    Same goes for all other areas of your life. The prerequisite for being successful, no matter the field, is finding your own fit. Values (what you find important) are those that determine whether you fit with something or not. When you find the right fit, passion awakens in you. You find yourself in something. You know that you can be successful in this. You see potential.

    You can easily hear something about a person who had found their fit. They were the right person at the right place at the right time. They were born to be a salesman. They’re really good at math. They hold the crowd’s attention with their sexuality and voice. They’re an excellent politician. They wield the racket extremely well. If only I knew how to do that…

    Searching and trying is what causes you to fit with something. Once again: searching and trying (in start-up lingo we know the so called “search phase” or “the search mode”).

    This brings about a lot of situations in which you don’t feel fit and have to go away – from people, organizations and situations. You have to admit a small failures to yourself over and over again. And each time you have to move on, it means pain. But this is only a step towards success; a step to the right fit. Finding your fit is a process. The cure for that kind of pain is appreciation – appreciation for having been able to try something and realize it’s not right for you.

    One more important thing. The saying to fit in is mostly said with a negative connotation. Because it primarily concerns situations in which you are trying to be a part of a group, but wherein you still have your own values, inconsistent with those of the group. Think about the stereotypical situation of a high school girl trying to fit in with cheerleaders club and she is unhappy until she finds where she really belongs; and that is usually not the cheerleaders club.

    When you think of fit in as negative (“I am really trying to fit in”), you aren’t honest with yourself what you really want in life and there will be no light at the end of the tunnel, meaning you will feel worse and worse over time among this specific group of people. In that case you definitely hadn’t found your fit. But when you feel extremely good saying it loud and clear, that you have found your fit, you are on the right track.

    You have to search for it

    Things used to be more or less obligatory, commanded – by the country, parents, the local church and whoever else (your environment). A larger part of our destiny had been defined, no matter the fit level. Once, it was expected from you to suffer, even though you weren’t fit for something. You simply didn’t have many options.

    “The non-believer who will go to hell” – in case of being more interested in a different religion than your local community. “The betrayer of the country and the nation” – if you moved to a different country liking it much more than the country where you were born. “The unreliable individual who changes jobs without a reason” – if you simply didn’t want to do the same job as your parents or didn’t feel good in a series of companies. “The neighbor who got divorced” – my parents got divorced in the 80s and it was perceived as a very negative event. But in reality if they didn’t they would probably kill each other. And so on. I am exaggerating of course, but just to make a point.

    Today, it’s clear that it’s not right for you to suffer. The other side (partner, company, country…) is suffering as well if you are suffering. The whole world is suffering. There is no combination for a positive result.

    Let me give you an example. If you work for a company where you don’t fit in, what will happen? You won’t be motivated to work hard, you will be talking negative about the company to your colleagues and other people, and you won’t like and encourage coworkers, you will hate your boss and so on. The company will be suffering as well as you. It’s a clear lose – lose situation that doesn’t make any sense.

    Today, in the world of many options, you yourself is often the only reason for suffering the non-fit. Your character. Your decisions. Your lack of adaptability. Your stubbornness. Your fears. Your infatuation with the fact that the world should change right where you are standing, instead of you finding those parts that fit you best.

    When you find your fit, this doesn’t mean that all your problems are solved. Finding your fit isn’t a miracle solution. Far from it. It only means that you have found something that holds true potential. You find something you can build upon and look forward to it. It is then that you pass on from searching to hard work.

    There’s also never a one true fit, regardless of all Hollywood movies and the promised shortcuts that appeal to our laziness. There are always parts where frictions exists, and that’s good. These small bumps that don’t fit are an opportunity for growth.

    But if you are somewhere where you totally don’t fit in, this is slowly killing you inside, until you become a zombie and kill your own dreams, ambitions, motivations, energy, and potential inside you. Then you are in a situation when you die before you are actually dead. You become bitter, tired and search for a way out. And that’s something you don’t want, trust me.

    Search for your perfect fit
    Search and you will find. Conquer your fears.

    This is why life has equipped you with a compass that shows you whether you are on the right path. Life gave you a sensor that tells you whether you fit in and you have only to work hard to reach your goals, or whether there is no fit and you will remain miserable and dissatisfied no matter how much you try, regardless of all your moves; if you don’t invest your energy into finding the better fit of course.

    The compass is your feelings. Positive feelings mean that you are going in the right direction, regardless of the difficulty of the challenges, the amount of demanded input, the obstacles in front of you and possible failures. Negative feelings, such as sadness, depression, apathy, unhappiness, ignorance, lack of motivation, all show you that you aren’t in the right place. Behavioral patterns such as procrastination, indecisiveness etc. also indicate the same.

    Fear shows that you have to face something in life, envy shows what you potentially want and where you potentially fit in, and anger can either show that you aren’t in the right place, aren’t doing what you want (anger at yourself), or that you have to try harder and find a new path (anger at others). If you listen to your heart and carefully observe your feelings, you know. The best way to observe your feelings is with the happiness chart.

    Be proactive and find your fit

    When you come to a point in your life where you realize all this, you are often already caught, stuck to certain parts, people and situations that don’t belong in your life.

    The only employer who answered your request for work. The first partner you fell in love with or the first one who talked to you. The industry in which you have landed completely by accident. The first investor who offered you money for your business opportunity.

    But the first options are rarely the right ones. The idea of love at first sight is a shortcut that appeals to human laziness, fear, comfort zone, and robs you of dignity to try for something better. You also want different things throughout your lifetime, thus no fit lasts forever. Every time you are dishonest with yourself or choose the easier path, negative feelings are waiting for you. Separation is never easy, but it is sometimes necessary and part of life.

    You only have four options in a non-fit situations.

    1. The first and the hardest one is nirvana. The state in which all wishes and self-awareness disappear. You love everything the way it is, and feel perfect. But so far, 150 billion people have lived on our planet and only a handful reached nirvana. Maybe two, three. Good luck. Although the Zen mindset can help you a lot in everyday life.
    2. The second option is reactive behavior – staying where you are and suffering. You can decide to die before actually being dead, and resign to living like zombies; settle for what “you are given”, for what happened to you. But at the same time, point fingers at life and everyone else, saying how they are at fault for your misfortune because they aren’t the very thing that you want them to be.
    3. The third option is as popular as the second one. You naively hope that other people will change. You hope that the boss will be nicer. You hope that your partner will be more attentive to you and stop cheating, and that this weird period of theirs will end. You hope that your parents will understand you better. You hope that you will spontaneously find yourself in a better situation; because you deserve it, since you have such a good heart.

    And yet. People don’t change. An organization’s values don’t change. Countries don’t change. The world doesn’t change. Situations don’t change by themselves. It’s ironic that the only constant of the world are changes, but in its essence, everything stays exactly the same. Only the mask is different. We advance, but we don’t change. People don’t like real authentic change.

    It’s true that we all are equipped with more and more knowledge. It is true that we try to tame the human nature into an increasingly more positive direction, with laws, transparency etc. It’s true that we have more and more advanced methods of communication, living, transport etc. But the foundations of humanity remain the same.

    Let’s look at example. What used to be smoke turned to a letter, then IRC, then Messenger, is today Facebook and will be something else tomorrow. But in fact, all of these cases are actually ways of communication, only increasingly better and more efficient. Same goes for an individual’s character, which mostly stays the same in its essence. Rarely do individuals realize that they have to change something with themselves.

    Just really think deeply of what it takes for someone to change. Usually a life or death experience. Maybe prison. Managers needs years of work and inhuman efforts to just slightly change the values of an organization. In countries, use of force, implementation of new laws or even a war are necessary for changes or new patterns of behavior. Internet has shown the biggest technological progress in the history of mankind. Millions of people contributed to its development, and yet more than 30 years were needed for it to reach the level it is at now.

    If you are hoping that someone will change soon, and will be more to your liking – good luck with that. If you live with the conviction that you will change someone by nagging, badgering, whining, binding, fretting, dominating, and simultaneously achieve a positive relationship result, you are very wrong. It’s much more likely that people will push you away or start hating you. So you make even a step further away from the right or better fit.

    4. The best and most sensible option is proactivity – finding a better fit. Sadly, or luckily, the case remains that the younger you are, the less locked into your life, the easier it is. It is also true that the more financial, intellectual, psychological, sexual and any other capital you have, the easier it is.

    But regardless of everything, you always have a choice, you can always make a decision, there is always a move you can make to find things and people in your life that are a better fit.

    Courage is needed for this. Willingness to face small failures. Readiness to survive disappointments. Preparedness for a broken heart. Again and again. You have to be willing to sail away from your comfort zone into the ocean of possibilities and opportunities. You have to be prepared for the adventure of life. Seek and you shall find. Where there is a strong enough will, there is always a way.

    Practical examples

    Your personal values aren’t (any longer) consistent with those of your partner, company you are working for, or your country. The voice inside you is telling you that this isn’t it. You experience negative emotions when you think of doing the same thing you are doing today, or being in the same situation in ten years. There is no interest for development by the other party.

    You have four options, as described previously:

    • Meditate away (change your view of the world and yourself)
    • Suffer (and point fingers)
    • Hope for others to change (suffer and prepare for a big disappointment)
    • Try to change others by nagging and fretting (double the disappointment above)
    • Find a better fit and distance yourself where that isn’t possible

    But when you are making big changes like that do them as fair as possible for all the parties. Nevertheless if something isn’t your fit, pivot!

    What if there is no fit for me?

    At the end one more question appears: what if there is no right fit for me? Oh well. The world has about 3.5 billion people of the opposite gender, millions of organizations that are employing, dozens of religions, sports, subcultures, industries, diets, possibilities for income etc. The only obstacle preventing you from finding the right fit for yourself is usually only laziness, fear, comfort zone, a lack of resources at a given moment, and other similar reasons.

    Have faith
    Yes, there is fit for you too! On all areas of your life.

    Basically you transfer the power (and decisions) from your hands into those of a higher power, the country, parents, boss or whoever else there might be. You put yourself in the position of a helpless victim. Don’t do that, keep all your personal power.

    Experience the wide variety of options

    Don’t hope for others to change. Don’t hope that the world will change to be more to your liking just because of your ego. Don’t suffer deep down inside, and don’t blame others for situations that don’t meet your standards. You have decided for this yourself. A big exception are children in dysfunctional families, people living in poverty, and people who suffered from accidents. In these cases, the task for all of us is to give opportunities and options; offer support to all those who find themselves in such a situation and don’t have the possibility of choice.

    In short, for everyone else – gather courage and embark on an adventure. Systematically, gradually, without compromise. Find a better fit in all areas of life. And then build an even better one.

    Build something you will admire and be proud of. But in the meantime, prepare for searching, trying and of course, a disappointment here and there. Maybe even a lot of disappointments. Nevertheless, this is the only path to the dream partner, dream job, the perfect environment and fulfilment in life.

    Look at the world as an infinite varied palette of possibilities; as a park or a playing field where all of us can connect, create, contribute, learn, experience, meet, change. Especially with those people who have similar values, with those people who share your vision, who are prepared to grow and try new things.

    Fit in is paradise and non-fit is hell on Earth.

    First fit in. Then stand out.

    Finally, you find yourself wondering whether it is not more sensible to stand out than to try to belong with a group. It’s absolutely not right to try to conform to a group. As said before, you have to find something that’s close to you and then build on it. By adding value, you essentially have to stand out, create something new.

    It used to be that an individual was simply able to step away from “average” by being different from something that was commanded or expected. Today, no things are specifically expected or commanded like that. Today, the developed world already has diversity.

    Today you stand out by piecing your life together completely individually, like a puzzle, from all that fits best for you. And on top of that, you add value with your innovativeness, unique outlook and hard work.

    Homework

    Here is a homework you should do. Analyze if you have found your fit on the all areas of life listed below. As we mentioned in the beginning, you can always feel when fit isn’t happening on a certain area of your life.

    1. Your environment – country, city, home, office etc.
    2. Your diet
    3. The sports you do
    4. Your spouse
    5. Your friends
    6. Your coworkers
    7. Your career
    8. The way you earn money
    9. Your investments
    10. Your competences
    11. Things you do to enjoy life
    12. Your religion or spirituality
    13. Technology you use
    14. Other areas important to you

    First fit in. Then stand out.